[Anjae]

What amazes me is the amount of people willing to be OW/OM. I can understand the big passion, the huge physical attraction but living a life with someone that is married? Or being a girlfriend/boyfriend for months or years on end of a married person? Makes no sense. It is such a tense and stressful situation. Wonder why so many play that part…Because I don’t think it’s an easy part to be played.

Well of course I also don’t get why, except for MLC craziness, would a married person to be involved in such situation.

[Ibelieve]

  yeah don't get her started..Trust me on this one..LOL  She'll have me mapquesting Wolcott NY and driving over there.
  I'll dress like a pizza delivery girl and pretend I'm at the wrong house. Ok ? Syn? I'll find out the REAL sitch.  and I'm sure it's all rose petals and a million candle all around.like on the Soap Operas.   NOT!

Mamma bear,  You rock! Thanks for the Pizza delivery girl idea!! Hahaha... OW and H are only about 8 miles away from me. I have the address.. heheheheee...   

[kikki]

It was great to read all of your responses, which happened while I slept on the other side of the world!   

Truly Chilling alright!  I had a physical response to this woman - felt so uneasy in my stomach and felt like I might throw up ......

No conscience at all, and oh so alone.  She's 42 and yes, said she was desperate to have children and a relationship.
Said that she was just back with a 'man' who she broke up with who 'had to get another woman out of his system'.  She said 'of course I knew it wouldn't last more than 5 weeks, and it didn't'. 

Uggggh!  Whole triangles of people who are dysfunctional.  I guess we've been thrust into an underworld that we just wouldn't go ourselves.
Yes, I too understand the fantasy and temptation - been there, done that, but I too would NEVER have carried anything out.
I like humans and value relationships WAY too much, to put fantasy into reality.
Goodness only knows why they would go for this cr*p - sure wouldn't be my 'cup of tea'.
Have to feel sorry for the lot of them I suppose - after I've imagined thrusting two fingers, with great force, into the eye sockets!!!

I guess too, that's why, one way or the other, we're all going to end up having wonderful lives again.  We know how to truly LOVE, and like attracts like.
Fingers crossed the MLCers exit their fantasy THRILLERS and join us before its too late!!!

Aisle 3 - damaged goods - Lost and found - reclaimed by mush head H's  LOL!! Very funny

[LettingGo]

Well, I was an OW, kinda, once long ago... by kinds, I mean.... I had a "friendship" with a rockstar.... it was pretty genuine.... I knew there were groupies... but I felt "special"... cuz I wasn't DUMB or EASY, LOL!! Still, I knew (eventually) that he had a long term girlfriend.... of about 15 years.  I respected her... and their relationship... I figured, he was cheating because he "deserved" it, due to his rockstar status... BUT..... I saw him on and off for YEARS..... mostly NON-SEXUAL.... we were "friends".. trust me... if I had been into it, it would have been sexual... but I actually thought we were "Friends!"... I knew of his wife, and knew I was NOT a threat (I see it differently now, by the way....). I accidentally ran into them in Las Vegas once.... I was introduced to her by his OTHER BANDMATES and I was respectful and complimentary.... HELLO!! She is his wife/fiance.... HELLO!!! I did not SEE what was F'd up in my thinking.... because of my OWN past..... BUT, I never ONCE imagined I would TAKE HIM from his fiance (eventually wife).... if he wanted me, then he would end it, and we would see where it led....

Since he started out with her, I NEVER imagined I would be placed above her.... it never crossed my mind! I was using him, though I loved him as a friend, and it was more of an E affair than physical (as if one time is less damaging than a hundred times... ) but, I honestly like my status for what it was.. a distraction that all rockstars are privy to, without QUESTION... and it seemed glamorous at the time, but when I met the wife, I acted as if she was the QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE.... why?? BEcause she is a WOMAN!! And, in the end, regardless of my poor choices that were NOT black and white, I HONORED a WOMAN above a MAN!!

These OW are frikkin' SKANK HO'S........ and don't get me wrong.... I am in NO WAY justifying TODAY my part in infidelity.... just trying to shed some light on the damages...

[kikki]

LG - there was still an element of respect (for the W) and self respect involved??
Unlike these sk**k Ho's who have none of either ........

[brokenhearted]

Hi everyone. I decided to come out of hiding, actually not hiding just being quiet and thinking. I always feel like I don't have much to offer in the way of advice because I feel rather new my self at this and there are many far wiser than I here.  Anyway, I am here every single day to read and learn. I am drawn to this site for comfort and guidance.
I wanted to share that a couple of weeks ago I was in a local department store. In the women's section there was a woman on her cell phone talking loudly enough for all to hear. Not sure why those who use their cell phones in public feel it is necessary to discuss the details of their lives so all can hear?!
The woman sounded really angry. She was telling the person on the other end of the phone that her boyfriend told her he was staying home with his wife for the weekend. The woman in the store was so upset with this obviously married boyfriend. She was telling the person on the other end of the conversation that her boyfriend didn't love his wife, that he didn't sleep with the wife, that he had told her he was only home because he felt sorry for his wife and was doing chores for her. The woman said he had told her that he was mowing the lawn then going to bed on the couch. The woman told whoever was on the other end that she was buying a new dress and going out that night because she thought if her boyfriend knew she was out he would come out to meet up with her.
Quite a conversation to have in public. I was surprised at her very angry tone, wondering why anyone would be with anyone so angry. I got the feeling there was going to be hell to pay for the boyfriend for being with his wife. Shows us what crazy thinking is occurring in their heads. I really was sickened by the conversation. Kept thinking the man could be our husbands or partners.
The other thing that I found enlightening was that when I think of the ow who is with my partner I always picture her as the perfect woman, beautiful, intelligent, kind, funny, fun to be with. It drives me crazy. This woman was not very attractive, older and not happy, at least at that moment. Not at all someone I would picture someone leaving their partner or wife for.
On a lighter note I wanted to say that Mamma Bear made me laugh about the pizza delivery girl! Also since I admitted I have not been doing my share in being there to offer advice or just let others know I am here and care...I am officially stepping up to the plate and volunteering for duty as pizza girl! I have discovered I am only about an hour away from Wolcott  Synicca. It is Wolcott right?  It is pretty small so I shouldn't have too much trouble finding the Wolcott ow!  Unless it is Wolcottsville which is even closer, about 20 minutes from me.
Well it is time I got off my behind and participated, so here I am reporting for duty!
Love and blessings to all. 

[kikki]

Hi Brokenhearted
Well done for breaking your silence 
The first step is always the hardest - you'll be on a roll from now on !!!!

A very dear mutual friend (male) who has met my H's OW, said that she was the most negative person that he'd ever met (and he only met her for half an hour and she was launching into some awful tale about her sister!).  He cannot even begin to work out what my H is doing!!

[brokenhearted]

Hi Kikki, nice to meet you. Thanks for the encouraging words that the ow may not be the goddess that I picture her to be. The one in the store sure wasn't. She was scary!
Blessings and hugs.

[kikki]

Nice to meet you too brokenhearted

Read all you can about the OW. 
I remember reading everything on this website, and thinking, no surely not.  My H, even in this state wouldn't be capable of having a 'relationship' with someone that dysfunctional!

Be under no illusions - these OW/OM are 'mental' and our H's/W's being the polar opposites of their former selves, just love all of the drama.

I'm only beginning to realise this now.  This does also follow the scrip to a 'T'

Scary stuff indeed ............

[StillStanding]

What amazes me is the amount of people willing to be OW/OM. I can understand the big passion, the huge physical attraction but living a life with someone that is married? Or being a girlfriend/boyfriend for months or years on end of a married person? Makes no sense. It is such a tense and stressful situation. Wonder why so many play that part…Because I don’t think it’s an easy part to be played.

They may have very shallow needs. An OW might just be looking for a "sugar daddy", or just looking for sex. Some of them might consider stealing someone else's spouse an ego trip or a challenge; once they have them, the thrill of the chase is gone.

Also, you also have to consider that spouses who are willing to entertain the notion of cheating -- whether due to MLC or some unfulfilled needs -- aren't going to tell a potential bedmate that, really, their wife is swell and a great mom.

Finally, it has to do with how many people see marriage; even though most all of us stand up there at the altar and make a life-long commitment, the practical reality is that far too many marriages end before their time. I was advised by more than one friend to be careful what kinds of acquaintances I make with other women right now because, ironically enough, the fact that I'm unhappily married is a sign of stability or commitment (because if not, I would have gotten divorced by now)!