[kikki]

Yip, sure all sound like MLCers to me too. 

LGO - thanks for sharing all of that information

My H and I are both 48,  and I've been told on numerous occasions that I look much younger than my years. (Now before you start getting pictures in your heads of mutton dressed as lamb, that's not it at all  It's more my nature, and genetics)

The OW has just turned 40 and looks WAY older than I do.  She looks way older than any of my friends who are around my age too.  I didn't think about this until the third person commented to me, what's with her wrinkly skin?

What is that saying?  Something like - God gifted you the face you were born with, and you get the face that you deserve after 40.
Must be karma at work maybe???

LBS's are a special breed - I'm sure we're all aging gracefully

[Freddygone]

Firstly I dont think that divorce statistics can be applied to MLC and how long the relationship with the OP will last. This is not a comparison that can be clearly made.
The characteristics of a MLC are fairly clear and follow a script we see described many times on this forum.
Normally I believe someone in MLC either meets another person in MLC OR meets a Narcissitic character who sees their weekness and wants to control or 'save' them. The alienator can indeed be after finance and seek to control for this purpose. The MLC may see the OP as a person who needs to be 'saved' by them. They form a symbiotic relationship and they feel wonderful and have no guilt (in early stages). They don't see the hurt they give to their spouse and children. They explain it away as it is too hard to face.
This does not last forever however, but it does last through the stages of MLC. BUT eventually one of the two people will start to see that this situation is not sustainable. They see the damage and they should then be past the half way stage.
A Narcissist becoming more comfortable in the relationship will then become more controlling and exploit the weak one more, not 'saving' at all.
In RCR's article on Alienators she clearly explains this and says that the Alienator will strangle the love out of the relationship. Particularly if your spouse was in a long term marriage before this happened, they (the MLC) can then start to make a comparison between what they had and what they now have. However this can take some time, maybe a few years, because they can maintain the play acting and symbiosis for a long time (if they don't live together). The closer they are may shorten the time? Also they will work together and everyone else becomes the enemy, until the enemy becomes from within their relationship.
The problem then becomes when the MLC starts with liminality and starts to see the damage caused to friends and family. They could quite believe that as the LBS may not be receptive to reconcilliation, that they are stuck and cannot repair the enormous damage and become very unhappy. They may feel completely lost and in despair.
Maybe at this point the alienator cannot fix or 'save' the MLC any more and they become the enemy?
But the LBS should not be too receptive immediately to reconcilliation or we head for a sorry future of being dominated by bad behaviour from the MLC.  If we consider reconcilliation then rules have to be firmly applied. But a closed door may be accepted by the MLC and they may not ask again. They will be very vulnerable at this time if they can summon the courage.
In reality reconcilliation WILL be difficult for the couple , but repairing damage may not be so difficult if the LBS has been calm and followed advice on this forum. Remember an LBS is often much stronger than an MLC if they are standing.
The worst thing through all this is to confront the alienator, this gives them power and creates the atmosphere of LBS being the enemy and enhances their symbiosis.
The best way for a LBS to deal with an alienator is to recognise that they are a symptom only and not the illness. Ignore them completely, this takes away their power and we LBS must accept that this illness needs to have the temperature taken out of it by reducing the heat.
This is why we have to somehow get our composure, retain our sanity and think carefully so we don't react in anger to things that happen and things that are said. We LBS head for self improvement for ourselves and to prepare for our next stage with or without.
There are no statistics for MLC, they follow various scripts but dont follow a fixed route down this tunnel. 
This is only what I have read and learnt over the past two years of what seems to be at least 4 years of my wife's MLC and the alienator is still there, but my wife now sees the damage. Now the fun begins.

[LettingGo]

But the LBS should not be too receptive immediately to reconcilliation or we head for a sorry future of being dominated by bad behaviour from the MLC.

I don't really agree with this.... when the affair is over, they are still in MLC, so you may still see some behaviors you don't like, but if you're lucky, they fall into depression and withdrawal... after that it is processing, but during these phases they will slip back sometime to moments of monster as they proceed through to the end... it's not an indication of how they will treat you in life.... they're just not there to their new personality yet! They are being reborn...

Once the new personality emerges, there is room for remorse..... a remorseful MLCer will treat you with respect... don't worry about it. They may test you, but it's not permanent. Don't worry....

Also, a reminder... if the statistics for reconciliation after MLC and the MLC affair are 1 in say....100, well... what if you are the 1?

[Mamma Bear]

LG  "If you're lucky they fall into depression and withdrawal"
    What great lives we have!!!! This is how I feel. If we're lucky....LOL
Freddygone I love what you said. It is how I feel. Also agree with LG.   We are a special breed we LBS We really are. I love US!!!!

[Freddygone]

Hi Guys,
I am feeling my way......Still in the middle of all this and the alienator is still there. So I am guessing on the last part.
Something may be changing and I am not sure what is coming next...but the past has not been good so I am anticipating more not good.
If you know how this story ends I would love to know. Will I be the 1 ?

[Foxberry]

Hi FG,

I take comfort from your post and thank you for it... however, I do not think I will be the lucky "1"      My H who always was stubborn and found "saying sorry" for anything almost impossible, will almost definitely think what he has done to me and his S is so far gone that he can never come back, despite wanting to..... that would be like admitting he was wrong in the first place...

Who knows, only God.....I know I won't be in the same house or same town by the time he exits from wherever he is....and probably we won't be "married" either... maybe, just maybe I'll become the girl he fell in love with in 1979 

Love and hugs
Foxy  xxxx

[Freddygone]

Foxy, I have to say in the 35 years I have known my wife, it is only in the last year that I ever heard the word 'sorry'.
I too have this same concern that even if they know they screwed up, they would not put effort into any form of correction. Unless they were really at rock bottom and suffering, desperate.
I am a long way from home as I could not remain in that poison atmosphere with the alienator pulling strings. I would seriously have died.
Saturday, I drive from Switzerland back to UK to face a Financial hearing on 29th Sept.
My wife would never have done this. We always trusted each other.
Now I have given full disclosure, she has been demanding money all along, saying she had nothing. I have brought all acounts to secure levels and maintain my two daughters in Edinburgh so I look after 4 homes.
Now it seems she has 23,000 (pounds) is shares. Whoopee, where did that come from.
I feel the 29th will be interesting. This alienator has a lot to answer for.
Maybe things will become clear.
But yes, I think sometimes distance is a very good thing. For our sanity.

[Dontgiveup]

From RCR's article Stories and Human Behavior

If you are the typical LBS, after a while you believe your marriage will not survive, often because your MLCer is just one of those stubborn ones who once he makes a decision, he won't change it. Really? Like your MLCer isn't now changing his decision to be married to you? MLC is a journey of self-discovery and change. The person who comes through the MLC tunnel may be vastly different than the person who entered the tunnel and different than the possibly multiple personalities in the tunnel. How your MLCer is now is not indicative of who he might become.

[wondering]

Well then I'm a typical LBS because I can't see us making it through this...come to think about it, I have typical friends too because they don't think we will make it either .  Maybe I should strive to be "different".

[Dontgiveup]

I guess in a technical sense, we didn't make it as the divorce was final about 6 months after bomb drop.  However as the two year mark approaches, she continues to be a Boomerang as a contact type and is very classic in her MLC behavior, both before the divorce and since the divorce.  With that said....I do not recommend divorce....it's just that my MLCer did everything from start to finish.