[Anjae]

Rookie, glad you found more men that can help you in this rough period and with the kids.

My country not only has fault divorce but is a southern european country. Now, imagine for how long you can drag things...Thing is, husband really is the one who drags is own processes...

Husband threatned divorce before he left, prior to BD. And for a few months after BD. I ignored him. He never come up with any papers during OW1. Think teh reason he gave OW1 was that I was not ready for it yet. True, I was not and had told him I was not against but needed time toget used to the idea.

What changed for husband to serve me fault divorce papers when OW2 come along? My guess is he wanted her to know he really was into her, that she was the one, that it was not going to be like with OW1.


Don't think OP is happy with way things are. Husband's OW1 may had decided to be the "nice girl", saying she understand how painful it was for him to divorce and that she would understand I need time (her type of behaviour), but thought they were going to last long. OW2 may be really upset but, what can she do? It is up to the court, not her.

Don't worry, Rookie, other person does pressure. What amazes me is how much pressure our spouses put up from other person. They would not put up with a 10th if it came from us. Nuts...

[LifeGoesOn]

Interesting insight into a BPD relationship. Add an Affair and MLC and you have a horrible experience.

http://www.borderlinewaif.com/2011/02/experience-borderline-relationship-story/

[Rookie13]

LGO, that was an interesting article. I agree about adding MLC to that is a BOMB waiting to happen. My ex absolutely has low self esteem and her choice in men prove it and that's what scares the hell out of me for my little ones.

The upside is i think the OP will see her "bad" side soon enough and will also not want to be tied down to my kids. I am NC and "out of the boxing ring" and that only leaves him for her to take out her frustrations on and she has a lot of that!

The other upside is I have my little ones every other weekend from Friday to Sunday and one day during the week for a few hrs so they don't lose touch with their dad!

Thanks for posting that article. Funny thing though is that the guy who wrote the post completely REALIZES all these "issues" with this woman and STILL thinks she is for him?? So who is more messed up in that post? LOL

[LifeGoesOn]

Funny thing though is that the guy who wrote the post completely REALIZES all these "issues" with this woman and STILL thinks she is for him?? So who is more messed up in that post? LOL

I think that is why he is blogging about it, He is trying to understand the pull she has on him.

I am glad you took yourself out of the way. doing such saved me.

Although I do not believe my husband is borderline (his mother is), he has acquired all of the traits.    hoping they are not permanent!
My kids are screwed if they are! He sees them when it is convenient for him which is for a couple hours every couple of months.
You are a good, committed dad rookie. You kids are lucky to have you.

[Anjae]

LGO, that is an interesting article. But we need to remember that not all OW/OM are bordeline. As for the guy still miss the borderline woman, well, we miss our MLCers. And someone as to love and miss borderline people, right?

Rookie, I think that, in some cases, the other person never sees the MLCer bad side. If they don't have us around they find something/someone else to lash the frustration upon.

[Rookie13]

Thanks LGO, I believe my littler ones will be back here someday when they can make up their own mind.

 My ex may be "away" for good but my kids are forever. I stood for my ex for a "long" time but I now stand for my children and keep my personal life to a minimum as they do not need two parents flying off the handle! lol I get more "appreciation" now from my teenagers then I ever did because they know what I went through and that I put them first. This crisis has also opened their eyes. My time will come again, just not now.  I know the little ones ( 8,5) will grow up and be able to make their own decisions like my D19 and S16 who I have custody of. ( Actually S5 is autistic and probably won't be able to make his own decisions but I have been blessed with a sister who has her BCBA and is an autism specialist and she has been a BIG help so far with schools and such!). I just continue to reassure the little ones ( and the older ones) that they are special and LOVED by both and give them my full attention on the weekends I have them.

You are correct on that blogger person, between his ex dying of cancer and having a GF and trying to "blend" families and her with her issues, I'm not sure another person's opinion/advice would help other than a professional. I guess thats a pretty heavy load.

[Rookie13]

Good point Anne, But in my case, I know for a fact the ex is overloaded with the little ones and has big money problems, can't keep order in her place as she cannot set controls on the kids and her place at least the last time i visited was very cluttered, messy and stunk like the 2 cats she has not to mention her car is always filled with trash! Lol. her true colors will shine to OM. Lol

[Anjae]

Rookie, but maybe OM does not see any of those things as a problem. Who knows? Everything is so strange in MLC.

See my husband's OW2. She knows the man is a mess, that he is taking me to court for the second time, after first time case closed because he could not prove a thing he claimed. She knows that, this time, he lied to manage to open a second case. He provided an address that he claims is hers, well, even if it was, he is the one that opened the case and there is no legal bond betwenn the two of them. She and him life in another address, that is their official address.

So, she knows the man does not mind lying to the court, she even helps and covers up for him. She also knows OW1 existed (she conforted the poor broken hearted man who had lost the love of his life, that is, OW1). How much more insane can it be?...And, still, those two are together for over 3 years and live in their new plush flat since 2 years ago. And, if you believe what people say of them as a couple, they are the perfect couple.

Well, yes, they are the perfect couple. They are perfect for each other. 

[crazyforhim]

I'm totally hijacking but have a quick question.

today is the anniversary of my h's dad's death. any advice on how much i should be involved or
contacting him.
My mom died 6 months before his dad did- that is when I think all of this began....but anyway- I figured since I understand how he feels...should I be telling him anything or should I stay back.

this is one of the moments where I feel I have no idea on how to act or what to do bc I know the pain he is feeling today!

any advice would be helpful

sorry for the hijack!!

[Anjae]

crazy, what sort of usual contact to you have with you husband?