[ziggee]

I become pessimistic, but then I read posts from stargazergirl thundar and annej and then well not so much... I take an immense amount of comfort in I am not alone anymore.  I am a stupid, pathetic stubborn fool who is in love with his wife.  I listen to music... Music from all over the place from the classics like bethhoven's 9th... I so want to see that live... to coldplay to Peter Gabriel's dont give up you have got friends to Twisted sister's we are not gonna take it to Natalie Merchant's My skin.  Now if I where clever like Stargazergirl I would link them all to youtube versions but... well I am inherently lazy...

Music is the sound track of my life... I wish I could hug you all... I think I said before I am not a touchy feely person and infact protect my personal space veraciously... keep back at least 6 inches if you dont mind... but to you all *a great big hug*

 

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May the Lord make his face to shine upon you,
and be gracious to you.

May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you,
and give you peace.

If anyone one knows where I can go see bethhovens 9th live let me me know... Ode to Joy... my wifes middle name is joy :/



 

[LeaveThePastBehind]

I become pessimistic, but then I read posts from stargazergirl thundar and annej and then well not so much... I take an immense amount of comfort in I am not alone anymore.   I listen to music... Music from all over the place from the classics like bethhoven's 9th... I so want to see that live... to coldplay to Peter Gabriel's dont give up you have got friends to Twisted sister's we are not gonna take it to Natalie Merchant's My skin.  Now if I where clever like Stargazergirl I would link them all to youtube versions but... well I am inherently lazy...

Music is the sound track of my life... I wish I could hug you all... I think I said before I am not a touchy feely person and infact protect my personal space veraciously... keep back at least 6 inches if you dont mind... but to you all *a great big hug*

 

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May the Lord make his face to shine upon you,
and be gracious to you.

May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you,
and give you peace.

If anyone one knows where I can go see bethhovens 9th live let me me know... Ode to Joy... my wifes middle name is joy :/

Aww, thanks Ziggee! Sadly, there are way too many of us left behind ~ us, kids, in-laws, cats, dogs. H said I should put my cats to sleep on BD when I asked "what about the cats?".   It's so sad. We should have one massive prayer session and maybe that will have some affect. Maybe that will fix the glitch in them, simultaneously, and they'll wonder how they got to where they are. 


Great artists choices! ( yeah, the linking does take forever. )

[moc]

Zig said "I am a stupid, pathetic stubborn fool who is in love with his wife."

Same here pal, I don't know why I should be in love with my W after all I have been through (and continuing) but I know that God has set me on this course for a reason.  Family and friends do not truly understand my STANDING but I take my vows seriously.  They weren't created under qualifications.  And I am in agreement that with many of you that this is an epidemic!  I know of 5 guys whose W up and left them to find greener pastures on the other side of the fence and leaving the kids with their H.  It is rampant and I do see where the bad economy has taken a toll on many of persons.   That is no excuse to quit a marriage only to find bandaids to cover the pain.  This being done via A, alcohol/partying/drugs, etc.  There is an "oh well, life is too short" mantra out there that is damaging our children.  Zig you are not pathetic, our MLCers are pathetic!  But we love them anyway besides their illness.  I too wonder in my sitch whether it is MLC at times but there are too many things following the script not to think it is not.

Take care!

[Trustandlove]

There are times when I think that I see MLC all over the place; others when people (including RCR) remind us that not all break-ups are MLC.

But I personally know of quite a few cases that I am positive are MLC.  In once case there is a standing H (even though he doesn't call it standing), in the others the couples are divorced, likely because the LBS had absolutely no idea what was happening.  Perhaps in some they agreed to it, I don't know. 

I also know of cases that clearly aren't. 

So yes, I do think it is more widespread than we may think....

[Mitzpah]

Is MLC more prevalent than currently believed?

I think, sometimes, it is just a case of us noticing it more because we are going through it!

One thing, I have noticed though, is that some RL friends recognize it immediately and that always surprises me.

I don't know anyone who is going through it currently in my circle of acquaintances, however, I do get people coming to tell me about cases they have heard of where the WAS comes back years later.

My  FIL definitely went through it and my FIL attempted a comeback about  a year after he left but my MIL would have none of it, she wasn't prepared to take him back in the state he was in. He died 4 years later of alcoholism related disease. She loved him to her dying breath - she died 13 years after him.

There is a couple in my church who admit to having gone through something similar (5 years separated, even divorced) and now are back together and immensely happy - they are about 5/6 years older than my husband and I and if I remember rightly, this happened to them about 10 years ago.

I agree with

Ziggee
"I think most people go through dozens of transitions"

Possibly so, but we are specifically referring to midlife here.

"the big differances is how one copes and what support systems are in place etc

Yes, since MLC is the result of lack of emotional development from an earlier age, I agree the coping skills in the MLCer are greatly lacking.  I'm not sure what you mean by support systems, but I'm not sure most MLCers look for that once the crisis has begun.

But I think there it is... the difference between a transition and an MLC is... history and how you feel about yourself... what happened in your childhood maybe.  How comfortable you are in your own skin...  How you feel about your self and your roll in the universe.  Maybe... maybe not.. I am just thinking out loud here... thats what we do here right?

I think the support systems have to do with one's FOO. I see my h. flounder simply because he has always had a faulty support system within his FOO. He looks to his sisters for support and they are unable to help him. OTO, my support system, FOO and church have been pillars of strength for me as I face the unimaginable in my life, without making it easy for me.
Just my opinion.

[ziggee]

Aww, thanks Ziggee! Sadly, there are way too many of us left behind ~ us, kids, in-laws, cats, dogs. H said I should put my cats to sleep on BD when I asked "what about the cats?".   It's so sad. We should have one massive prayer session and maybe that will have some affect. Maybe that will fix the glitch in them, simultaneously, and they'll wonder how they got to where they are. 


Great artists choices! ( yeah, the linking does take forever. )

I recall about a year ago... maybe more... I have really had time depth perception... but they tried to plan a day where they would get as many people in the world to all jump at the exact same time and see if they could "move the world"

Oh wait... see look how mad my depth perception is... it was in 2006 5 years... one year in the grand scheme least I had the decade right.

http://www.worldjumpday.org/

[LeaveThePastBehind]

"http://www.worldjumpday.org/"


I wonder what the results were for that. Prayers worked for my kitties last week though, when I thought they very, very sick. Turns out they were just fine. Now I need prayers that I'll get the money to pay for the vet bill by the end of this month


"Agree with yoy, Star, midlife crisis will become more common. Just like depression (without or with MLC)."


Annej, I agree. And if depression and other metal illnesses were actually accepted more and dealt with properly, at any age, it would reduce a lot of future problems for many people including potential future mlc's.

[Anjae]

I become pessimistic, but then I read posts from stargazergirl thundar and annej and then well not so much... I take an immense amount of comfort in I am not alone anymore.  I am a stupid, pathetic stubborn fool who is in love with his wife.

Thanks, ziggee. I think everyone here is stubborn. Otherwise we would not be here.
If not in love, people here still love the spouse. Even if in a more mature, friendly way as I do. MLC changes the way one loves our spouse. At least I think it does.

There is a couple in my church who admit to having gone through something similar (5 years separated, even divorced) and now are back together and immensely happy - they are about 5/6 years older than my husband and I and if I remember rightly, this happened to them about 10 years ago.

Helas, Mitzapah, there really is some light at the end of the tunnel! Also, a proof that divorce, in itself, does not put an end to things. IMHO in can even, in certain cases, allow for a better future together. Nice to know that couple’s story ended well. It is important to hear from people that have been thought MLC and are already some years, or decades, past it.

"Annej, I agree. And if depression and other metal illnesses were actually accepted more and dealt with properly, at any age, it would reduce a lot of future problems for many people including potential future mlc's.

Depression, I think is already quite accepted. Don’t think it would avoid MLC. My husband had been depressed before the crises, and had stress burnout. It did not prevent the crisis from happening. Or maybe, the problem was that the depression and stress burnout were treated with medicines but no one made us a plan for how to prevent it from happening again (husband had had more than two stress burnouts with depression and I’ve had a stress burnout), not teach us ways for dealing with the situation.

Now, for me, it is different. One of my cousins had a huge depression. I would say it was a MLC but mild. No affair, just dissatisfaction with life, job, complaining of being old (he, like my husband, was about being 37 when it started, is now 40 and only a couple of months ago had he, finally, come out of the darkness).  On the other hand, only because I have a husband in MLC was I able to notice some of the symptoms and reactions were similar to my husband’s ones.

My cousin situation, and what he has been told us about the years of anger, frustration,  fog, and darkness, even if in a much, much milder way than my husband’s situation, provides both with an insight into depression, the stress modern life places upon a man reaching midlife and with a family that is much more benevolent with my husband’s destruction

[LeaveThePastBehind]

I guess you are right about depression Anne. It is recognized. In my personal experience with depression, I don't feel I was ever able to get any help from anyone but myself through reading, trying different remedies ( never any real drugs ~ no thanks ), etc. . Over the years I've been to several people who, I feel, just didn't get it. I guess I'm drawing my thoughts from that.

[Anjae]

Star, medicines are needed in depression. To balance the unbalanced chemicals in our brain. Doctors, in the past, got the general idea but that was it, except, perhaps, my husband's company doctor. He tried to tell my husband that we both needed a much quieter, simple life. Husband was not capable of listening. He needed to have a new life!

My cousin spent 1,5 years with medicines and a bunch of doctors. None of them did it any good. Until, one day, he had a terrible down. My other cousins went I brought him back to our family home and I talked to a doctor friend of mine. Since my friend is looking after him but cousin become much better in a few months. My friend is young, knows moder life, knows depression and mental illness very well (works in a state psyciatrich hospital and does emergency psychatry on a state general hospital)m knows me and what have happened with my husbad, was already aware, by ne, of the familu mental history. It made all the difference.