[crazyforhim]

I think that is exactly it WP. I thought I had put my issues in the past and then H leaves and whomp I am faced with issues but this time I faced them head on and I truly believe this has all happened for a reason. Maybe it's not just H that needs to go on his journey but me as well. That is the whole eye opening experience- what do WE have to do to fix ourselves too!!

[WarriorPriestess]

That being said, the trust issues that are solely to do with H and our relationship, I will take your advice Stayed, and put in a box for later.

[stayed]

WP, worrying about it now, is only distracting you from what you should be doing.  There will come a time for dealing with the h trust.  Later!

  hugs Stayed

[WarriorPriestess]

Now, of course, that does not mean that I think that one should expect that their partner will NOT cheat and betray them.  Actually, if anything, I feel even stronger about that.  I will not do this again.  I don't care if he returns to another CRISIS or not, I will not go through another one with him.  That is not a threat... that is a promise. 

I have never had any hard evidence that H cheated.  I didn't go out of my way to look for it though.  I just treated him with the assumption that he was being faithful at all times.  I told him ONCE at BD that if he ever did cheat I WOULD WALK.  And I meant it.

For awhile I worried that maybe he was just fooling around behind my back, but then a good friend pointed out that if he really wanted to get rid of me, he wouldn't even have to do that.  He could just SAY there was someone else and that would be my limit- I would be outta there.  And if he was doing anything unfaithful, then he was making a point to hide from me, so he obviously didn't want to lose me.  That reassured me a lot.

So I've (mostly) just stopped worrying about it.  All of those issues can be dealt with down the road in reconciliation.  As you say Stayed, "Later!" 

[WarriorPriestess]

Oh yeah...  ***HUGS***   

[Shantilly Lace]

I've looked at this thread and thought I would love to be on here too.
I will be one day but not quite yet.  Things are changing but with MLC i see it as 2  steps forward 4 back, then eventually it's 2 forward one back and then finally forward with the occasional trip up.

I like to think of myself at 2 steps forwar one back but really who knows.  keep documenting and see if there are patterns emerging with them all.  Vanishers are harder to read of course as there is nothing to see but I would love to know if 20 years down the track they turn up.  Don't laugh a friend of mine is now dating her ex huband after he ran off 20 years ago.  She seems totally smitten althoguh taking it carefully.  He pursued her.

maybe Dearheart is moving toward me but i hae no expectations other than I am alive and he is crazy as a loon and not to expect any sense from him yet.

[Thundarr]

WP,

You make a point that I have pondered as well.  I have always told my W that if she ever takes another man then I will never touch her again.  She has denied adamantly ever doing anything with anyone else even after BD.  Now, she filed for D BEFORE telling me she didn't love me and then acted as if she was hell-bent on getting it over with ASAP and threatened me if I tried to stop it or slow it down.  Now she has not mentioned it in about six weeks and we are 3 months past the time it could have been finalized.  As much as she has said she wants to be rid of me, all she would have to do is tell me there is someone else and (as far as she knows) I would be gone forever with no regrets or looking back.  Like you said, she could even lie about it if she really wanted rid of me so badly.  Something to ponder on....

[unbroken]

OMG Shantilly, I can't wait 20 years...

[Shantilly Lace]

Oh she didn't wait. Married, divorced other boyfriends.
Hang on that doesn't sound any better then waiting sheesh.
Think I will remain happily single.

[TrustingMyHP]

I've loved reading this thread.  So many positive possibilities happening and it's great to have it all down in one place.  Gives me hope!

It's been a tough week for me.  At 10 months post BD, I'm still a newbie and get discouraged, anxious and fearful about what's ahead.  H and I have limited contact.  Gets more limited as the weeks go by.  I know this reflects that he's going deeper into the tunnel, but I still miss the more frequent interactions we had in the initial months post BD.

It's hard to act as though he's never returning, yet keep hope "running in the background."  I've been the queen of GAL, my calendar is so chock full of activities and social stuff I barely have room to add anything for the next two months.  The GALing distracts me and, believe me, I've done some very interesting and fun things since BD.  But the emptiness that is always there runs under the surface like a river, threatening to overrun its banks and swamp me.

I have serious doubts sometimes that I'll ever again experience true happiness, the kind I felt frequently pre-BD.  Truly happy.  When I start to think like that it's hard not to spiral into despondency. 

So a thread like this is a great help.  Thanks Syn, for starting it!

I'm at the point in my journey that I understand I can live without my H, that I'll survive, maybe even thrive.  But I'm not at the "take him or leave him" place that many here talk about. 

I still pray for reconciliation and restoration--not of the old marriage (I know that's over and done with) but for a new relationship that retains all that was good in the old one, adds all that H & I are learning through our respective journeys, and creates a more mature, respectful, intimate, joyous and equal partnership.  Oh I really want that.  I want to put into practice what I've learned and what I'm continuing to learn by the time H's ready to return (if that day ever comes!)

So keep these stories of reconciliation coming!  They're MY lighthouse.

TMHP