[How many of your MLCers are on antidepressants/SSRI medication]

How many of your MLCers are on antidepressants/SSRI medication

Yes started after MLC

9 (20%)

Yes started before MLC

10 (22.2%)

Do not know

4 (8.9%)

No

22 (48.9%)

Total Members Voted: 45

[Lola]

Thank you for your response. I just miss my husband. I feel like a stranger is in his body    I'm not sure why he is like this. I miss him. I told him last week not to contact me unless about finances b/c I felt he is giving me mixed signals by being friendly and saying at the same time he might want a divorce.  So no contact. I'm sad. Should I email him and say a one-liner like "I'm here if you want to talk by email or phone. I will listen and I won't question you". Should I send that? or it makes me seem weak?

[HeartsBlessing]

Lola,

Mixed signals are common within the MLC; because the MLC'er really doesn't know what he wants; and so it is one thing, one day, another the next.

Should I email him and say a one-liner like "I'm here if you want to talk by email or phone. I will listen and I won't question you". Should I send that? or it makes me seem weak?

I wouldn't tell him anything at the moment; let him come to you; I believe he will when he needs you; and most likely not until.

In the state of mind he's in, he may interpret your email as pressure on him to talk; in other words he will see the "opposite" of what you are saying..they are like that; masters of the twisted word and action.

It is better to stay silent; and wait to see what he does; and in the meantime; get your focus OFF him and onto you; getting on with your life AS IF he's not going to continue with you.

Besides that, he won't trust what you're saying; they never do trust the LBS; again, it's the state of mind they are in for the time being...so; although you can do whatever you want, I'm advising you to wait until he contacts you on his own.

On top of all this; the crisis working on him is WHY he is what he is at the moment; and if you try and talk to him, he will twist everything back on you; and you don't need that.

Again, get on with your life, take your journey to wholeness and healing; more understanding will come as you walk your path to the end.

[Lola]

Thank you again. I will try to get on with my journey. You are right. Thanks for responding

[xyzcf]

Lola, sorry that your H has become someone that you know longer know. I still find it difficult to believe that my H of 33 years is no longer my partner, best friend and husband for LIFE..you will find good information here and lots of wonderful people. It helps me so much as I am very lonely.

It is impossible to make any sense and it takes a long time for them to get through....there are no fast or quick solutions.

Take good care of yourself, get lots of rest, eat well and don't make any rash decisions. Be supportive but do not pursue him. On some level, he knows that you are there for him as you always have been.

[Lola]

Thank you so much. I'm going to try and take care of myself. I took a shower and that's a chore for me. I wish this time would pass. I think the most helpful thing is that HE has to do this ALONE and nothing I can say, do or anything at all will make him "snap out of this" or "wake up". I'm sorry you are lonely. I am too. I miss my best friend, husband and lover.

[LoveMeMyself]

I'm wondering about those of you who have MLC'ers on antidepressants and/or seeing a medical professional. My H was already under the care of a psychologist for what he referred to as "social anxiety" prior to BD.  After BD and the major issues regarding his "mental" state he returned to his doctor for depression.  He has been going every other week for about a year now.  He has told me that his doctor "advised" him to deal with this alone.........to which I do not believe.  He also said his doctor told him it would take him years to recover from this major set back and he would more than likely stay on antidepressants the rest of his life.  My H has told me that "mental illness/depression" runs in his family.  He has a Narcissistic sister and has told me that one of his grandparents suffered from depression and his father did also.  I am also wondering if being on antidepressants and/or under a psychologist care is a hindrance to my H's MLC journey.  Any thoughts? 

[Still]

LMM,

My H's MLC was brought on by a medical problem at a marathon. He had to take an ambulance out of the race. Afterwards, he developed heart palpitations, anxiety attacks, vertigo, mood swings, etc. He was eventually diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He was prescribed anti-depressants which increased his vertigo and caused extreme weight loss. He swore he would never take them again. He does still have Valium for panic attacks which he has very rarely. Later, he started to see a sports psychologist to work on his adjusting back into athletic competitions....he stopped those appointments abruptly. He never told me he was seeing someone and never told me when he stopped.

To be honest, I think that medications can slow the journey down. They have to get to the point where they are able to have their world completely "defogged". Medications can mask the true emotions. I only know of one situation where the MLC'er was brought out of the "fog" by antidepressants.

[OldPilot]

LoveMyMan

I merged this question in with another thread that we had on the subject.
Feel free to read through this and continue to ask questions.

I hope the other thread will help with some of them.

[LoveMeMyself]

Thanks, OP and everyone else.  I have no idea what type of meds my H is taking.  He has mentioned them in passing several times.  The most recent being about 3 or 4 weeks ago.  He stated that he was on so much/strong dosages due to his "state" and suicidal thoughts.  I've read that sometimes MLC can lead to suicide in men.......more than women.  I don't know where I read it but I thought at the time that I'm thankful that my H is on medication and seeing a doctor.  It took him several months on the meds to return to what seems "normal".........not crying all the time, spewing, hating, etc.  We don't have much contact now.  He comes and goes.........sometimes sending a text and/or email.  We were suppose to talk last night but he never called.  I figured it was another "game" of his........he has told me he didn't like it when I was in control.......so, setting up the phone call, time, etc. was all my idea and even though he agreed he never followed through.  I struggle with how he treats me but I fight it and realize again it's just part of this MLC process.  I'd love to hear from others input regarding the antidepressants.  I believe my H wouldn't have made it this far without them.  He has a collection of weapons and when this first started he talked repeatedly of "ending" it all.  He was in so much emotional pain.  He literally "played" with a pistol while talking to me on the phone and let me hear the "clicking"........I believe he was testing me but I was so upset and panicked.  He hung up on me and wouldn't answer when I tried calling him back.  I jumped in my car and raced to his apartment only to have him completely ignore my pleas to answer his phone and/or the door.  When I returned home after about two hours of begging him I called him again around midnight and he answered the phone speaking in a very calm and "matter-of-fact" tone and acting as if nothing had happened.  It was as if he were laughing in my face.  That incident was in the very beginning of all this.......over a year ago.  I sometimes think most of his comments/actions are meant to hurt me.  Thanks again for everybody's input.

[rediscover]

Still

I didn't know your H was diagnosed PTSD.  I'm not sure how I missed that in reading your threads.  It explains some of the similarities I see between our H's.  Have you read up on PTSD?  IF your H is at all willing to go to therapy there is something that will help with the PTSD.  You can PM/email me and we can talk about it.