[God's child]

this story gave me so much inspiration! I too struggle for my ex H to come back to me and he will thru GoD's unimaginable GRACE!!  thanks sooo much for your story!!

BD 10/12/2013
Divorced 12/23/2013
Waiting on GOD!!

[God's child]

these stories are so inspirational... Thank GOD for this forum!! I have hope!!  

M-52
Ex H 58
BD10/12/13
D 12/23/13
with OW since 2012
will marry sometime this year

[nah]

What gives me hope is i know of several return stories-

My FIL left MIL for three years (there was an ow-i think a family friend) when H was in 5th to 8th grade (husband only recalled details after he left me).  They are still married but FIL had a stroke and completely lost his memory (trigger for BD)

My Father cheated on my mother for several years.  He did very well financially but lost his business and left my mother and asked for a divorce.  The ow was a "younger version of my mother".  Only one brother (out of 5 of us) still talks to him, it has been about 20 years.  My H at the time told my mother that he couldn't understand how any man could abandon his family and he would never do such a thing.  Anyways, the first thing my mother said when i went crying to her the day after BD was, "he will be back, just wait, they always try to come back".  Turns out, 3 years after my father left, my father tried to come back and my mother said, "no way".  I never knew.

My best friend from HS, said her husband spent 5-6 years in the basement and would not talk to anybody (classic wallow-er).  I never knew they had problems until she told me after BD.  If she wasn't a strict Catholic they would now be divorced.  She said he slowly reconnected and now they are happier then before his MLC.

10 years ago the wife of my husbands best friend left him and their 2 year old son for her boss.  My husband was furious at her and called her all kinds of names.  We were both in their first wedding and our daughter was their flower girl.  They got a divorce.  Two years later, he came home and she was mowing the lawn.  They are now remarried.  I talk to them all the time.  She said, she doesn't remember alot of what she did and said but she knows "at the time, i was a horrible parent".  She remembers driving to a concert to met her boyfriend and just thinking "what am i doing?".  At their divorce her husband gave her a card that said, "this is your time, do great things and be happy".  He was never mean and she said she went home and cried that day but still continued on.  She just couldn't help but keep comparing the om to her (then ex) husband.  They said reconciliation was extremely hard but they are in a weird way glad that it happened.  Their marriage is much better the second time.

[PatienceGalore]

My own father left my mother in 1984 and returned 27 years later. He did everything he thought would make him happy, sponsored disadvantaged children around the world, went all around the world, and remained connected to us in his head. Never stopped thinking about my mother. At the time he left, he said nothing would hold him back, he had to leave no matter what. We were totally devastated as a family. My mother started drinking and realised after a while it was not going to help her heal. She let him go, he even went as far as serving her with divorce papers. But did not go further. He knew he wanted to come back but something prevented him and he does not know what. He regrets what he did everyday, to her and to us. He recently bought her a new engagement ring and wedding ring. They truly deeply love each other... Their relationship is fab! But very different...

[trusting]

My best friend from HS, said her husband spent 5-6 years in the basement and would not talk to anybody (classic wallow-er).  I never knew they had problems until she told me after BD.  If she wasn't a strict Catholic they would now be divorced.  She said he slowly reconnected and now they are happier then before his MLC.

NAH, I loved hearing this one.  I have a wallower who has been in the basement now for a little over five years.  He keeps to himself, doesn't interact much with us even when he is home.  If it weren't for my faith, I doubt we would still be married.  He threatens to leave periodically but so far hasn't followed through.  Not saying he won't at some point, but this story was good to hear. 

[SSG]

My own father left my mother in 1984 and returned 27 years later. He did everything he thought would make him happy, sponsored disadvantaged children around the world, went all around the world, and remained connected to us in his head. Never stopped thinking about my mother. At the time he left, he said nothing would hold him back, he had to leave no matter what. We were totally devastated as a family. My mother started drinking and realised after a while it was not going to help her heal. She let him go, he even went as far as serving her with divorce papers. But did not go further. He knew he wanted to come back but something prevented him and he does not know what. He regrets what he did everyday, to her and to us. He recently bought her a new engagement ring and wedding ring. They truly deeply love each other... Their relationship is fab! But very different...

Wow Patience...gone 27 years!  That must be a record.  Amazing how your mother made it through all those years.  So happy to hear about the rings...it probably did not help you and the rest back then, but nice it all came back together.

SSG

[PatienceGalore]

SSG, he's on lucky man, and he bloody well knows it!

[TopsyTurvy]

WAS or MLC either way he returned.......sort of

My BIL always preferred the company of women to men. He enjoyed football and going to the local pub.  My SIL found out he'd had an affair, he moved out for a while, maybe 3-4 months, they had two boys 12 & 8.  She took him back, against all family wishes.  About a year later  SIL found out he was seeing someone and he left again.  He had FOO, mum was alcoholic, he didn't get on well with stepmother, issues with his sisters & drugs.

He hated my SIL dating and wouldn't let her have anyone in the house.  Eventually he paid SIL half the house and she moved in with new partner, approx 6 years after he finally left. He kept the family home for a while, but didn't live there, he rented it and lived with a male friend.He abused drugs and lost the house. He became homeless, for a year he slept on MIL floor because SIL asked if he could. Now.....he rents the box room in SIL house.  He says she was the best thing that ever happened to him but not sure if he has ever shown any remorse.  SIL is still in relationship and lives with her new partner, who IMO is incredibly easy going to have him living there, they actually get on really well.  BIL (now 50) has a g/f and has always called mySIL first when anything has gone wwrong with relationships.  They are NOT divorced.

I used to think my SIL was a fool, until I walked in her shoes.  Not sure I would let H live with me if I had a new partner though.  But I don't judge, or try not to anymore, no one knows pain like their own, except for other LBS.

[LaughLoveLive]

I have another return story too, no details though. Just my boss mentioned yesterday about a friend of hers:  "they split up for a while but they're back together".

That's all, although she did mention that its hard work especially for the wife who was the LBS and she feels that she and her husband, as a happily married couple themselves, need to be part of the reconciled couples social environment. I think that's really nice, I think it does help marriages to be around other couples who believe in the importance of marriage.

[Songanddance]

Met an "old" acquaintance/friend at a boring AGM tonight and she didn't know my sitch until she said " oh give my love to H"
I just told her in one sentence and said It's mid life crisis and it's real.
She looked at me and said "I had that" - and this is her story.

She is now in her mid 60s.   
At the time of MLC she had been married to her H for 30 yrs. Just after her 50th birthday her mother died. She couldn't cope and eventually in  her depression took to the bottle. Eventually she wanted out BDd H and she and H divorced . Her words " I floundered , stopped drinking but knew I was in hell"
She then met someone else - married him. He owned his own house but made her pay rent even though there was no mortgage. He trapped her and wouldn't let her socialise. He put her life on hold. "I don't know what made me think I was happy with him" She left him and lived on her own.
Ex H also remarried. Then 5 years ago exh's mother died, she went to the funeral. She was in a dark place still but on her own. Ex H turns up 3 weeks later.  They started an affair - but divorced new spouses very quickly and re-married four years ago.

"I will always live with that dark time - I will never forget it but now I know that H and I are happy and it's been such fun starting over again, but we haven't had to start again - we have just grown. "