[SSG]

From Professor Gin Malhi's talk above:

Stress, pressure and underlying causes of depression and anxiety.

What may be okay for one person, may trigger an event in another person.

Our brains are functioning in terms of our immune system and our stress axis - it's all unique to each individual.  You can't compare and say this person didn't respond to this loss with depression.  Why did it affect this person in such a drastic manner?

Our brains develop and evolve over 20-25 years.  During that time, they become unique organs.  Each have strengths and weaknesses.  In terms of attributes that function perfectly well, and some that have some scarring/some vulnerability, and that may well be because of the early environment that the person has grown up in. 

In terms of emotional disorders and what causes depression, there are a number of factors.
There is a genetic component - we know it runs in families.
There's also a strong hormonal component because its much more common in women and girls.  The role of stress is pivotal - low grade chronic stress, rather than acute stress is much more damaging.

Stress does damage braincells and kill braincells.  That is going to be a factor in developing anxiety disorders as well as depression.

Interesting Kikki...no depression in my husbands family but he has been under low chronic stress for the past decade due to factors outside of the home(probably triggered his anED  back in 2007, then add his Thyroid issues to that...and the Chronic Stress triggered my husbands depression a few years ago, coupled with his childhood issues, triggered his MLC.

His Prozac worked in his favor somehow but did not hinder the whole process.  Now that he has run off to a country where his past does not follow him, I am not sure how long his crisis will last. 

He told me last year he thinks he is suffering from depression...and he agreed with me when talking about his childhood issues that the death of his father had something to do with the emotional crack in our marriage ...but that is also aided in his MLC...but then I lost him after that...he has been with OW 6 months and is now someone I don't recognize.

Frustrating, very frustrating..................

SSG

[JD]

http://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-memory-updating-20140204,0,3359715.story

This is a very interesting article about how we can't trust our memory to be accurate.  I suspect our MLC'ers rewriting of history has a lot to do with inaccurate memory  of events as well as sleep issues affecting the ability to remember. 

Just throwing this out on the table to look at.

[kikki]

That's really interesting JD.
Here's another one.
http://new.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_loftus_the_fiction_of_memory

[1Cor.13]

A new study published in the Journal of Neuroscience suggests memory is faulty and can insert things from the present into  memories from the past.
Tags: latest news,newsy,brain,brain edits memory,brains memory,Health News,journal of neuroscience,memory,new memory study,northwestern university study,science news

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There it is folks, it's real: They re-wite history and we're not the crazy ones..

Be Blessed,
1Cor13

[StillStanding]

Is there a link to the article? I'm interested in seeing what it has to say.

Human memory can be very unreliable—anyone who's had to deal with eyewitness accounts to an accident or a crime can attest to that. Recovered memory therapy, which was used to help people access memories that have supposedly been repressed by trauma or abuse, is considered unethical and dangerous today because the recovered memories are unreliable. Also, some therapy techniques can actually be used to introduce elements that the subject then later claims to "remember".

Heck, there are LBSes here who have probably done the same thing. When you look at your MLCer's past actions and statements through the lens of their current crisis, it's easy to "realize" that your spouse has always been selfish, abusive, or untrustworthy.

[in it]

Heck, there are LBSes here who have probably done the same thing. When you look at your MLCer's past actions and statements through the lens of their current crisis, it's easy to "realize" that your spouse has always been selfish, abusive, or untrustworthy.

I think whatever you can remember from the majority of any relationship is what effects us the most.

 The ex could have been the nicest most wonderful man in someone elses eyes ( or even to me for the majority of it)

 But when FEEL you are unlistened to or don't feel safe expressing yourself- the relationship would be interpreted as abusive IMHO. Maybe someone else wouldn't require that in a relationship. So he would be someone elses "prince"

To me that's why  it's important for us to stay away from them so minimal damage is done emotionally to us during this crisis. It was very hard to get passed the things he said regardless of what he did at 1st BD. Now at 2nd? Forget it.

I read stories about how kind, caring, attentive, and wonderful spouses were. If that's the case that's why I urge people to stay away from them as if I had those kinds of memories I would want to preserve them. And the less damage they are allowed to inflict on us the better the chance for reconciliation. the less we have to get "passed"

They say it takes 100 positive affirmations to somewhat negate a negative in children.  Children have good memories.

I'd like to read this article also.

[1Cor.13]

Heck, there are LBSes here who have probably done the same thing. When you look at your MLCer's past actions and statements through the lens of their current crisis, it's easy to "realize" that your spouse has always been selfish, abusive, or untrustworthy.

I think whatever you can remember from the majority of any relationship is what effects us the most.

 The ex could have been the nicest most wonderful man in someone elses eyes ( or even to me for the majority of it)

 But when FEEL you are unlistened to or don't feel safe expressing yourself- the relationship would be interpreted as abusive IMHO. Maybe someone else wouldn't require that in a relationship. So he would be someone elses "prince"

To me that's why  it's important for us to stay away from them so minimal damage is done emotionally to us during this crisis. It was very hard to get passed the things he said regardless of what he did at 1st BD. Now at 2nd? Forget it.

I read stories about how kind, caring, attentive, and wonderful spouses were. If that's the case that's why I urge people to stay away from them as if I had those kinds of memories I would want to preserve them. And the less damage they are allowed to inflict on us the better the chance for reconciliation. the less we have to get "passed"

They say it takes 100 positive affirmations to somewhat negate a negative in children.  Children have good memories.

I'd like to read this article also.

-------------------------------

I guess just google the tags, I read it at work and haven't had a chance to look into it further myself..But I'm a counselor at a University and we get snippits of research all the time and that one caught my eye for sure, and yes, my H has definately re-written the ENTIRE history of a 20 year (mostly wonderful) marriage to be with a trollip 16 years younger with 2 kids of her own..Bat$hit crazy in every way..sad too..

----------------
Be Blessed,
1Cor.13

[StillStanding]

They say it takes 100 positive affirmations to somewhat negate a negative in children.  Children have good memories.

That seems awfully high. I've read that it takes five positive encounters balances out the effects of one negative encounter, as in this PDF:

On the basis of these results, Gottman (1994) has proposed a revealing diagnostic index for evaluating relationships: He proposed that in order for a relationship to succeed, positive and good interactions must outnumber the negative and bad ones by at least five to one. If the ratio falls below that, the relationship is likely to fail and breakup. This index converges well with the thrust of our argument: Bad events are so much stronger than good ones that the good must outnumber the bad in order to prevail. Gottman's index suggests that bad events are on average five times as powerful as good ones, at least with regard to close relationships.

That article discusses how that plays into parenting but doesn't quote anything like a 100:1 good-to-bad ratio.

[StillStanding]

I read it at work and haven't had a chance to look into it further myself.

Is this it? http://www.jneurosci.org/content/34/6/2203.short

[forthetrees]

Transcript portion from a TED talk by Helen Fisher- the lover researcher about antidepressants.
Hmmmm.  Seems midlife depression that is treated leads to MLC?

I've got nothing against people who take them short term, when they're going through something perfectly horrible. They want to commit suicide or kill somebody else. I would recommend it. But more and more people in the United States are taking them long term. And indeed, what these drugs do is raise levels of serotonin. And by raising levels of serotonin, you suppress the dopamine circuit. Everybody knows that. Dopamine is associated with romantic love. Not only do they suppress the dopamine circuit, but they kill the sex drive. And when you kill the sex drive, you kill orgasm. And when you kill orgasm, you kill that flood of drugs associated with attachment. The things are connected in the brain. And when you tamper with one brain system, you're going to tamper with another. I'm just simply saying that a world without love is a deadly place.