[kikki]

One of my favorite lines in the document is this  "The parties agree to advise the children about the importance of not speaking negatively about either parent around the children".  I've read that at least 10 times now & still can't figure out what the heck it means.   

  Think it's a rather verbose way of saying not much.

Hints that neither should speak badly of either parent around the children - but doesn't say that.  Says that the children are to be advised of this matter, not that it should be followed through.

Crazy all right 

[Trustandlove]

I'm just going back to the original topic for a bit.... the "amicable" thing.  This is something my H has said as well, that "he" is in a good place to be amicable about all this, that "he" now wants to sort things, and so on.  I'm seeing that it isn't being "amicable", it's wanting to impose his desires on us all. 

I have got some self-pity mixed in, such as how much pressure he's under but that he's continuing to look after us all (financially), and so on. 

I can see that he's trying to make it so it's hard to argue -- after all, he is paying, and it's not like money isn't important. 

But I have also learned that while I can't stop him, neither do I have to put myself through his version of "amicable'.  There's a lot of just walking away involved, which I'll admit for a long time felt "wrong" -- such as when he asked to meet me to discuss this I felt bad about turning him down.  I then realised that I had every right to not put myself through that.  I used the time to get good advice, but haven't agreed to meet him, and don't plan to.  I don't have to engage in a discussion I don't want to have; I will comply with what I have to do if it comes to legal action, but I don't have to sit and supposedly in a friendly manner destroy that which I hold most dear.

It's kinda scary, actually, because it's again different, but the more I learn about what he is doing (he has been very secretive for a long time) the more I see that I really don't want to be involveld.  Also, it may mean changing my r with his sister, which I have valued, but that is something else I am going to have to get used to.  There is being nice and maintaining an r, and there is letting oneself be used.  I need to stay on the right side of that boundary. 

[LisaLives]

Quote
One of my favorite lines in the document is this  "The parties agree to advise the children about the importance of not speaking negatively about either parent around the children".

 I've read that at least 10 times now & still can't figure out what the heck it means.   

It perfectly explains what I always do--"NOW kids it is not good to speak poorly about your father--it is one of the 10 commandments, and I did love him and always will, HOWEVER, that does not erase the fact that he is freaking crazy and this bull has to stop.  He wants you to do WHAT..." 

That means it's okay to do it as long as you explain why you're not supposed to--I say leave that in, the rest has to go...

Now that I am on the other side of it, there are two thoughts. A contract is only as good as your willingness to enforce it.  If you think he is going to keep dragging you back to court because you were 15 minutes late because there was an accident, then you HAVE to get good language in there.  The other train of thought, the one I ascribed to was to go for broad generalities that could kinda be bent to fit any circumstance...  Some would argue this is better in the first case, also, but some people like, possibly your H need the detail. 

We have a mediation appointment on Thursday to discuss my lack of "amicableness."  I am looking forward to it--I am so tired of dealing with him...  I do not envy you, but remember you will get through it, and keep remembering that no matter how old your kids are, time does fly and they will decide what they want and there will be no arguing about it...  Love and light, Lisa

[devoted]

Trustandlove my situation is like yours in that.......

H is very secretive
H still pays mortgage [it is a joint mortgage]
All the utilities
My car
Food shopping although not enough to cover my monthly bill........costing him about 2/3 his wages.

I am lucky in that all utilities/car are in H name only so he would be very foolish not to pay as he would hate to have a poor credit score.

H has reduced our outgoings considerably since leaving cancelling.........life insurance,private health insurance,all the kids satelite,reducing house insurance etc

Sept /Oct I had several texts asking if I would meet H so we could discuss finances and move things forward as amicably as possible as the house is too expensive to run long term,despite me telling H that I was not ready and he needed to give me time I felt guilty I guess and gave in.

We did meet with my counsellor/mediator in Oct I had to sit and listen to how I am to blame for all this, did not get around to finances apart from me telling H I am not moving out of my home.

Whilst I guess I was not being amicable it is our family home the only one my youngest 2 have ever known and they don't want to move.

Part of me thinks a new home/fresh start may help me get on with my life but I love my home.

I made a mistake meeting H as it set me back emotionally.

Occasionally H will text about finances but I have asked for NC now.

Like you I won't/can't put myself through it,anything I have to do legally I will but my solicitor can deal with the rest.

[Mac49]

T&L:

This craziness never ends just manifests in a different fashion/argument. My "X" believes we should be 'friendly" whatever that means that means to someone who lies, cheats and deceives.

Mac