[Returned]

Hi  rediscover I am sorry to hear about the backlash.

Standing (and defining standing) is a difficult situation.
For me standing means being open to and desiring the restoration of our marriages. For so long as a person cares about their spouse and is open to the possibility of the restoration of their marriage I would say that they are standing.

Ideally of course one should avoid a relationship outside of marriage. The problem with having a relationship is that it complicates ones emotions, and one must be fair to the other person as well. There is the potential for inflicting pain.

However some people find they are incapable of living without intimacy. I would compare it to delivering a baby without anesthesia. While natural childbirth is a good thing, some of us will need an anesthetic because we just can't handle the pain. It is simply to overwhelming. For some of us having a relationship may help ease the pain inflicted upon us by the MLCer. So long as there is full and honest disclosure to the other person that you love your spouse and are committed to them even though they abandoned you I think it would be difficult for me to throw the first stone.This is of course my opinion, and I realize that it may not be shared by many on this board.

[Anjae]

Rediscover, I’m sorry about the backlash.

However some people find they are incapable of living without intimacy. I would compare it to delivering a baby without anesthesia. While natural childbirth is a good thing, some of us will need an anesthetic because we just can't handle the pain. It is simply to overwhelming. For some of us having a relationship may help ease the pain inflicted upon us by the MLCer. So long as there is full and honest disclosure to the other person that you love your spouse and are committed to them even though they abandoned you I think it would be difficult for me to throw the first stone.This is of course my opinion, and I realize that it may not be shared by many on this board.

I agree with this. I'm fine without a relationship but I've had a boyfriend a couple of years ago. It is good to find what we don't won't and what we will no longer tolerat. Just have in mind that, at first, all relationships seem rosy and, normaly, much better than the previous one.

[rediscover]

I guess I may have not explained my emotional attachment very clearly.
I am not having a releationship with the other person.  I have known this person for about 17 years and he is a dear friend and will continue to be a dear friend.  Our relationship didn't change, we had very honest and open communication about our situation. 
Under normal circumstances I would say that I would be opposed to having an intimate relationship outside of marriage.  The circumstances are not normal, the marriage is not normal (nor is it a marriage any longer) 
My emotions were complicated by my h, not by another person or my own actions.  I actually think much more clearly now than I have in almost two years. 

We all have to do what is right for our own self and our own situation.  Sometimes it doesn't always agree with what others would do.

[Reinventing]

I have to say that RivenIN2's description of intimacy during sex was powerful. If someone told me that I don't know how I would respond. That was perfectly beautiful and strong.

[Thundarr]

Agreed, Reinventing.  I think the stereotype of what sex is for men is that we only focus on one or two areas but I know for me that has never been the case.  I love every inch of my W, including her feet, and still feel the same today when I see her in her pajamas or her nightclothes when I pick up or drop off the kids.  The physical part is so much more than just sex, at least for me and it would seem other guys as well.  Of course I'm sure there are guys out there who do only focus on one thing but why would any woman want them anyway?