[OldPilot]

Post any resources or comments about this thread here

Link to original thread at top of the board.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4.0

[angelgirl]

Kikki - in response to your question, honestly, I'm  not sure. I can report what he says. When he first came back, I was on a pedestal. I could tell by how he referred to me and how he would joke, "everyone's wondering how a great woman like you would stay with a guy like me...." More recently, he states, that he feels that I "continue" him, or that we are one...

What he says and what is true, may not be the same, but I can only go by my gut sometimes. Even then, I make a mental note and move one. He's got to navigate this on his own.

The further he gets away from the bad experience, the more distant and baffling it is to him.  He is better with me and kids than he's even been, and it seems to flow naturally now.  I will keep you posted if he makes more comments...

Angelgirl

[Shantilly Lace]

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2445.0


NOt really a resource but something to consider anyway. 
Thanks Tsunami

[kikki]

Thanks for answering Angelgirl. Please do keep us posted if he has any further insights.
All the very best to you and your family

[Shantilly Lace]

Mid Life Crisis in the media


http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=801.0

[StillStanding]

Here is an excerpt of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Dr. Judith Wallerstein and Dr. Julia Lewis. It was published as an article in Psychoanalytic Psychology in 2004, and it covers the results of a 25-year study of divorce and how it impacts families, including (and especially) children.

http://ebookbrowse.com/unexpected-legacy-of-divorce-pdf-d169942552

There is a book as well, published in 2001:

http://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Legacy-Divorce-Landmark-Study/dp/0786886161

[kikki]

Thanks so much for posting that SS.  I remember listening to Judith Wallerstein being interviewed on the radio a few years ago.  It was sobering stuff.

[Lotus]

I just included this link about depression on my thread but thought it might be helpful here.  Dr. Joe Carver, PhD includes this article on his web site which also has additional info on other brain chemistry issues.  He makes a reference to MLC in this article.  Since MLC is so often accompanied by severe depression (which came first? the depression or the MLC?), readers may recognize these symptoms they observed either pre BD or post BD or maybe both.

The article may help explain the crazy behavior and that there is something mentally "wrong" with the MLCer, though it doesn't ultimately justify the horrible way they treat the ones that love them the most.

http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/DEPRESSION%20-%20Causes,%20Symptoms,%20and%20Treatment.html

[Ready2Transform]

I highly recommend You're Not Going Crazy...You're Just Waking Up!  The Five Stages of the Soul Transformation Process by Michael Mirdad.  It's a very succinct (90 pages) and accessible primer on both crisis (the hard way) and transition (the easy way).   He doesn't refer to just mid-life,  but does say we all have one major one in our lifetimes, which, if we don't complete, will show up at other times.  It confirms a lot of what we've read here about both the MLC experience and what we've lived within our own LBS crises.

It refers also to the tunnel, the light, the dark night of the soul, and many other metaphors we use daily.  It doesn't make light of infidelity, heartbreak, the hellish nature of the whole thing, and the abuse a person in crisis may inflict on others.  At the same time, the crisis is not painted as an evil trauma - it can be a very rewarding experience if we accept the change that comes and allow it to improve the rest of our lives. 

The five stages are:

1. Dismantling
2. Emptiness
3. Disorientation
4. Rebuilding
5. A New Life.

He says 1-3 can all be considered Dismantling and 4-5 Rebuilding, with a gap in between that we must take the leap of faith to reach if we don't want to stay stuck.  He emphasizes that our lives will never be the same after this, but even if we liked our prior life, that's ok - we can rebuild an even better one with what we learn.

It would no doubt appeal across a broad spectrum of spiritual belief - it does quote Jesus, as well as Mother Teresa, The Beatles, Jung, Buddhist writings, and Duran Duran - so there's as much a lighthearted take as there is scripture.  I would consider it about as New Age as this website is, for anyone sensitive to that.  It cites A Course in Miracles quite a bit, which I know very little about but will now be researching more (even if it's some sort of New Age-y cult or something, I don't feel that association has darkened the info in this book for me). 

So if you're seeking an afternoon read that would provide even more insight and confirmation into this process, as well as maybe provide a few exercises for achieving more from your LBS experience (there is a simple one for each stage), I would highly recommend this little book. 

[Songanddance]

Just kindled it from Amazon - bed time reading!!!! Thanks R2T