[TrustingMyHP]

This is something I've been curious about concerning myself and fellow HSs (trying not to self-identify as an LBS anymore!)  Do you experience "couple envy"? I definitely do.  I've wondered if I'm in the minority on this or if others here experience it.

It's not so much with couples I know (although it's certainly there at times) but more when I'm out and about doing daily activities (shopping, walking, having coffee with friends, going to church, being at a museum or a large social event, etc.) and see a couple I don't know I'll be struck with a pang of, "those people don't know how good they've got it," or "I used to be one of a couple," or just, "wish I was with my H/someone I loved/sad I'm not."

Since I was 19 when I started dating my H, and 58 when he left, I never experienced couple envy before.  A new feeling, to be sure.

Admitting this demonstrates I have a ways to go in learning to accept/enjoy/happy that I can be by myself and feel fulfilled that some here have achieved.  Clearly not there yet!

How 'bout you?

TMHP

[LoveMeMyself]

I'll jump in here with you TrustingMyHP.  I can relate to what you are saying about "couple envy".  It's not something I focus on right now..........not yet.  I was single for 21 years after my first divorce.  It never bothered me until a few years prior to meeting/marrying my now exH.  I'm not exactly sure why it happened to me then or how long I dealt with it.  I was the same as you........out and about (mostly alone) and I'd see these "couples" out walking, hand in hand......smiling, chatting, just being happy.....or so they seemed.  It really bothered me a lot then.  Now, I try really hard not to go there......I try to just focus on myself and the task at hand.  Right after BD it was so agonizing to go out in public alone.........seeing so many other couples together nearly killed me!  I have literally walked out of a store and left items in a shopping cart (nonperishable) because I could no longer stand the overwhelming sadness that I was feeling.  Now, 29 months BD and I'm doing really good.  It still occasionally "hits" me but I shrug it off as best I can.  Seems to me sometimes it is harder than other times to shake it but it can be done.  Just have to talk yourself out of the feelings.  Seems to be a little harder on me when something I see and/or hear triggers a memory of me with my exH. 

Hang in there!

[unbroken]

Just know that what you are experiencing is a sense of loss for what you had or want to have.  You are projecting onto the other couple.  You have no idea what they have together.  Perhaps the reason you experience this less with the couples you know is because you know that they too have troubles.
The more I know about couples, the more I accept my situation.  In fact, I would rather have my situation than the marriages of any number of my friends who are together.
The grass is not greener on the other side.  The grass is greener where you take care of it...

[BonBon]

Great question!

I actually am the opposite.  I was 1/2 of one of those couples that everyone thought had it made...we were envied by alot of people we knew.  Now, I wonder when I see other couples if its going to blow wide open like mine did.  That is a terrible, awful way to think, isn't it?  I don't wish that for anyone...but I guess I've just become really cynical.  Truth be told, even though I am still deeply in love with my H, and we are seriously reconnecting and I want to stay married, at this point I can say I probably would not have married had I known this would happen...in fact, I married him BECAUSE he wasn't all those things that he became if only temporarily.  Just goes to show you can't rule anything out...nor trust or depend on anyone fully but yourself.  I would not have signed on for the pain had I a magic ball to look into.

That's my very honest, and very unfortunate take on it now.

Bon

[wondering]

I can't believe this post came up. I was at the beach yesterday afternoon( it was 75 here) going for a walk along this trail when a couple on a two seater bike passes me. I heard the woman say "isn't this so fun" and her spouse agreed. I teared up.  I hear many little comments like that and it really gets to me.  I miss and want that feeling.  Although my H and I are starting to reconnect...right now from a very far distance, I wonder whether we will ever be like that...hope so.

[Sassyone]

Bon:

Ditto, we were that way too.  Friends that don't know what happened would be SHOCKED!  I too now look at people and think  yeah right!  I am hoping my cynical attitude will wane as I heal. 

Hugs,

Sassy

[wondering]

Weird...we were that way too. The couple everybody envied because we were always so close...and happy.  What happened to us shocked and scared everyone around us.

[Sassyone]

Wondering, I am hoping that what happened to us is a wake up call for those around us.  Unfortunately, I doubt it.  My sisters still think it can't happen to them.  We know different . . . this can happen to anyone.

I just keep trying to pay it forward.

Sassy

[xyzcf]

Last Sat night, picking up a few groceries...eveyone was there as a couple..yes...pangs....walking, couples out walking talking, sitting in church, so many couples and families...yes I suffer from couple envy too...very much but it's not just being "any couple".....I want what may never be mine....the couple that like you, everyone thought had the greatest relationship.........

[learningtoexhale]

Sassy - agreed, it can happen to ANYONE!  In fact, I have told my H in regards to my SIL and couples that we were friends with that have accepted H and OW and spend time with them, that they had better hope this doesn't happen to them because only then would they know how I feel and they would regret and rethink their position on this!  I didn't think it could happen to me either, everyone was shocked because we were "that" family that everyone thought was just so happy and had it all.  And you know what, we did...I can't help that he chose to damage it the way he has.  I can only be a part of the rebuilding.

Okay, back on topic:  I too have MAJOR couple envy and have the exact same thoughts.  I can remember one day about 3 months ago my D15 and I went out for dinner, there was a family sitting across from us and the H was on his cell phone texting, my D said "I bet he's cheating on her and he's texting an OW"...it broke my heart, it was clear to me at that moment just how much she has been affected by all this. 

I also think "they have no idea how good they have it" and also at times I want to run over to the W and tell her "be good to him even when he doesn't deserve it, show him how much you love him, don't let your marriage become routine - make time for each other", of course I don't, I'm sure I would be carried away by the nice people in white coats to a padded room! 

Hang in there all!!