DGU, of course MLCers during replay are not psychiatrist patients but when the depression becomes overt and very deep, or when they try to kill themselves, like my cousin did, they become patients of psychiatrists. There are many people who, in the doctor words “blew up their lives” (meaning left spouse, former life, job, etc) that end up on the hands of psychiatrist. A few end up dead.
A little after I have been back home my husband called, crying, saying he was sorry for everything. I asked, do you mean OW1? He said, no everything I’ve been doing for the past years, before she come along. HE said he was deeply depressed and needed help. I said, ok, do you want me or your sister to bring you back? You can stay at your mothers house and you can go see your sister psychiatrist. Husband said, no, no, nothing will ever change the way I feel, I’m, depressed. I said, well, if you are depressed and don’t want to come back home, why don’t you go see doctor X (the doctor of the company husband worked for at the time). Husband said no, no, there is nothing the doctor could do.
Pretty much the same thing AmyC says. Husband as also, during OW1, said a lot of times he needed my help, that he was depressed, I told him that there was nothing I could do to help him, only he could help himself and that he should go see a doctor. He refused to go see a doctor. But where do you think I would had taken my husband had he accepted help? To the psychiatrist.
So, I know he was (still is) depressed and refused to go see a doctor. Meaning he does not wanted to take any help and in not taking any help destroyed everything and put me through terrible suffering. Probably he put himself thought terrible suffering as well but that is his business. I see no reason for me to be lovely with someone who clearly had a problem, depression, and refused to get help.
The whole “I’m so sorry I destroyed everything but I was not well” thing is very nice but solves nothing. It solves nothing when they are so sorry at BD, after BD or when, after Replay they start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It cannot bring back the years, it cannot undone the financial problems, it cannot repay for all the damage they have caused. No point saying you are so sorry after you’ve done all the damage, better avoid the damage. Words are great but action speak volumes.
If you can’t help yourself and stop the damage, at least let the other person go free. Then the LBS is allowed to have a choice (stand, not stand, remain single, remarry, whatver) and does not have to remain married to a nasty MLCer. I fail to see how this constant drag of the divorce by my husband is supposed to be good for any reconnection, let alone reconciliation. It is getting to the point when I so, so fed up of it all, so tired, so exhausting, and we are far from being divorced, that I cringe at the thought of having him back. I want to be free of all this legal and financial mess, to have time to breath safely. Not to remain on this constant stage of “when will another court notification arrive? Or another debt note?” This does me no good and it certainly does no good to any future relationship with husband. And the idea of reconnection/reconciliation and what it entails only makes me want to run for the hills.
By the way, from what she writes/says, AmyC does not seem to me to be a particularly nasty MLCer… Maybe that is because I have one of the real nasty, nasty ones…?
Not all MLCers make it, DGU. Some of them do lost their minds on the process. Or they lost their minds because they found themselves on their own in the end. The process does not have the same outcome to everyone. No point in pretend it does because it does not. To most the process ends the good way, MLCer keep
I don’t know if all, or many of LBS would agree with me…Four or three years ago I would be more or less fine with the whole situation. Has more and more years pass and you remain married to a vanisher that keeps causing too much damaged you become less and less inclined to be kind towards MLC and all that comes with it. When husband was a clingy boomerang some how things were different.
It would be very easy to deal with MLC if I was divorced. It was no longer my business. Like Dr No I would like a clearance from the financial and legal absurdity that the MLCer creates.
Dr No, I guess those books are like the articles in women’s magazines. They encourage everyone to have their life, no matter what, since it makes them “happy”. Exactly, train crashes are exciting in the movies, not in real life.
Calamity, I man that leaves wife and children is judged harshly. If he only leaves the wife then I think it is like if a childless wife leaves a husband, not much is think of it.
Ready2, I think you’ve managed to gasp something in this crisis thing I have not. I’m more than what I were (mostly for many hard family affairs that happened since husband left), some from my own transition but I don’t have much of a desire of meeting whatever more of what husband may become. It would be safe to say I don’t have much faith in him and that may be the problem. I really don’t have much faith in him.
I don’t even have much interest in get to know better my cousin now that he been out of his transition/crisis. So far he has not been a more interesting person that he was before and he still is too irritable and angry at the world. Maybe what I’m trying to say is that I will only be interested in meet and know again/better someone who has already become whole again, someone to whom Rebirth had happened a while ago.
Of course I may change may mind, life is full of surprises.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)
Insight from a Woman MLC'er
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