[since_youve_been_gone]

Hi all,

Just wondering if any knows why therapists do not recognise MLC and look at you like you are stark raving mad and deluded?

SYBG x

[dwlh]

I'm very new to this but I have thought a lot on the therapist thing. My theory is they didn't know the MLCer before the crisis so they don't see the change in them. My H looks and acts perfectly normal but his personality is completely different. Plus he can lie like there's no tomorrow and actually believe himself. If he believe's himself why would a stranger not believe him.

[Chickpea]

OMG- I have been thinking just that- as a matter of fact, I had been seeing my therapist since BD (Jan2012) and told her about this site.  She never responded- she just told me he does what he does because he wants out and was a coward and didn't know how to do it any other way.  He avoids me and doesn't want to communicate because, he doesn't want to give me any false hopes. 
Her therapy with me was basically to GAL without him.  I always felt so hopeless and depressed after I saw her.  She told me that was because, I wasn't ready to face my reality.  She was a kind person but did not believe in MLC.  She left her husband after many years of marriage, is now remarried.  Maybe that is why she doesn't feel MLC is a factor.  I don't know, I'll never know.

[sassy40]

My H is seeing the same therapist we saw as a couple, so he knows the both of us.  I don't think my H was honest about feeling when we saw him together and I really don't believe he's being honest now about what he's really feeling.  I think my H is going to therapy to make himself feel better about his selfish behavior.  He started therapy a couple weeks before BD and told me he didn't discuss wanting to end the marriage with the therapist.  WHAT?!?  How ridiculous is that?

He did tell me that the therapist wasnted to get into all the issues H has with his mother and my H told me he doesn't think he wants to go into that.  Makes me sad.  He will never deal or get help with his issues.

[Thundarr]

I can speak to this somewhat but first I would have to absolutely agree with you that overall there is little to no understanding or acceptance of this.  As a therapist I can not recall ANY of my education or training even mentioning such a thing, but when I first called my advisor soon after BD looking for some kind of direction she seemed to have an understanding of what was going on.  No labels applied to it, but she did tell me things that did not make sense to me at all at the time but are now crystal clear.  One thing in particular is that my W was not my W now and that I should not expect her to act as the same person.  She also strongly encouraged me to pray daily and to do what I would be able to look back on 5 years from now and be proud that I did.  She used the term "fighting for my marriage" which really meant standing.

My parish priest seemed to grasp what was going on and applied a spiritual component to it.  He was the first to use the term "shadow side" and was able to expand on what my W's motivations were (finding her identity, seeking to find value in her life etc).  He had seen and/ or heard of such things before and said at the time that this could go on for years.  He asked me if I would be willing to take her back and said that she would have to pay some type of penance for what she had done.  This was an alien concept to me at the time as I just wanted her to come home one way or another.  His point was that for me to trust and forgive her that she should pay a penance, and even told me that I would have grounds for seeking an annulment if I so chose due to her issues stemming from before we were married.  It was alot to think about and I have pondered the words of both over the past year.  I've been planning on contacting them again and this thread just reminded me of that....

[dwlh]

My freind has a gambling problem and is about to lose her house. She and her H have been seeing a therapist for this. She told me her H and the therapist were openly flirting in front of her. The therapist came up with the thought that my freind doesn't ML to her husband enough. WTH does this have to do with her gambling problem. Honestly makes you wonder how half of these therapists get a licence to practice.

[since_youve_been_gone]

Thanks for your reply DWLH

Yes that sounds familiar actually, and as RCR mentions in one of the scripts that hardly anyone ever sees them be.

You would think that trained depression therapists though should know the classic signs, surely they've seen these situations over and over again.  It's as if they are not allowed to use the words Mid Life Crisis.

My therapist looks at me as though I am making my relationship up!!  When I tell her how idyllic it was (before the dreaded MLC), the look on her face spells out "Yeah Rite - He Just Left You - Same As Everyone Else".  I soon learnt my lesson as from that moment on I felt like I could not open up properley any more!!

I even feel my self wondering "Maybe it was never real".

Think there needs to be a MLC awareness week perhaps!!

SYBG x

[since_youve_been_gone]

Thanks again for your replies everone.

Thundarr that is very interesting. 

Since x

[kikki]

You're pondering what we've all pondered.  How come this is all so unknown and brushed under the carpet.  Where is the support and understanding of all of this.

I figure MLC has been around for a very long time, but the knowledge surrounding it is not in the mainstream. 
Covert depression is not well understood and usually goes undetected. Coupled with the MLCers desire to run, and the public mask they manage to pull on for others, vs the private MLC side they show to the family.  It is not an easy thing to detect.

I think the cover up needs to cease.

[since_youve_been_gone]

Totally agree it needs to cease Kikki

Thanks

Since x