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Author Topic: Discussion Ask the Mentor.....2

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Discussion Re: Ask the Mentor.....2
#30: October 27, 2012, 04:48:37 PM
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html
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Re: Ask the Mentor.....2
#31: October 27, 2012, 05:45:31 PM
Thank you, Thank you!! Very, very helpful!Whenever I see the links, I read these articles, but how do I find them on the site?
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You never know what's around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain.”
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Re: Ask the Mentor.....2
#32: October 27, 2012, 06:18:04 PM
Go to main page Midlife crisis marriage advocate above; then the menu is on the left in blue The Heros spouse articles section
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Re: Ask the Mentor.....2
#33: October 27, 2012, 06:39:18 PM
You can click on the purple link at the top of the page and then use the site map.
Also their are links in my signature for the newbies thread which also has a link for the site map
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Re: Ask the Mentor.....2
#34: October 27, 2012, 10:35:05 PM
Well, that opens up a whole new world. Illuminating!! Thank you CJ and OP. Wish I would have understood how to access those articles six months ago! I've been hiking through the forest without a compass. OP, excellent idea making these easier to access for those just joining the site (and those techno-challenged individuals such as myself!) Thanks again!
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You never know what's around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain.”
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Re: Ask the Mentor.....2
#35: October 27, 2012, 11:15:18 PM
My husband came over too.  We had dinner and watched a movie.  He seemed really comfortable and wanted to spend the night and have sex but i told him that i didn't feel comfortable having sex with him because i know that he's still seeing the woman that he cheated on me with.  Even though i think things have slowed down alto.  i never let on that i knew.  He got really mad and left and started sa ing that its best that i didn't because it really wouldn't change things.  He was really mad and left.  I feel like i should. Have but i know that i did the right thing.
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Surviving in Phila.
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Re: Ask the Mentor.....2
#36: October 29, 2012, 10:30:41 AM
Question:  should I let my h visit for a couple of hours at Christmas?

Background.  H has lived with ow & her d17 for a year now.  He rarely contacts our d22.  He usually wants to come here one day on weekend, spends a few hours doing odd jobs then returns to ow house.  He is very concerned about the practical things [well pump, woodstove, vehicles]. 

I no longer have him here when my d visits from out of town.  It's MY time & I don't want to share her--it's tense anyway for her & me with him 'here' but not 'here'.

Anyway he wants to see d Christmas Day but do I facilitate this?  He would have to come here [no restaurants open!]  He looked kind of lost when I mentioned to him that we were very busy & preferred not to do Christmas with him on the day. 

My d22 is saying no b/c her & her partner already have 2 visits to do [isn't divorce wonderful] plus me plus dinner at aunt's.

I don't want to think strategy--but neither do I want to push him away.  I'm tempted to say to him what he said to my d, 2 days after he left:  'You have your own life now' but am afraid that would be drawing a line in the sand.   :o ??? ??? ???

A classic case of action or inaction having consequences. 
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Re: Ask the Mentor.....2
#37: October 29, 2012, 10:42:37 AM
Quote from: calamityj on October 29, 2012, 10:30:41 AM
My d22 is saying no b/c her & her partner already have 2 visits to do [isn't divorce wonderful] plus me plus dinner at aunt's.
I would not be involved, your D22 is old enough to take care of her own relationship with her father.
Stay out of the way!
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Re: Ask the Mentor.....2
#38: October 29, 2012, 10:46:53 AM
Quote
I don't want to think strategy--but neither do I want to push him away.

Okay so now answer above.   ;D
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Re: Ask the Mentor.....2
#39: October 29, 2012, 11:01:15 AM
Quote from: calamityj on October 29, 2012, 10:46:53 AM
Quote
I don't want to think strategy--but neither do I want to push him away.

Okay so now answer above.   ;D
Don't push him away but don't pull him either.
You said you must facilitate this to happen.
That is pursuit I think.
Can't you just be STILL?

Did he ask YOU to come over?
I would do whatever your daughter wants.
Let her decide one way or the other.
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