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Author Topic: MLC Monster How long has it been since you have been intimate with your spouse?

S
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MLC Monster Re: How long has it been since you have been intimate with your spouse?
#20: August 26, 2012, 03:42:38 AM
Ah no, sorry  :)
I meant 'Divorce Care' course.  They have a web site and can send daily devotional stuff.  Very practical for us lbsers.  The name is not really a good one as it's not only for divorced people as I am not either.  It focuses on us, our healing etc.  it is christian based.
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BD 18th Oct 2009
exH Left home 9th April 2011
Split with OW3 (fiance) Jan 2016. (no break between OWs).
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Re: How long has it been since you have been intimate with your spouse?
#21: August 26, 2012, 04:46:10 AM
We are still intimate several times a week and I don't know if that is a good thing. In his psychotic times he told me he wanted to be intimate with me cause that was the only time he had his feelings back. I think he had a severe PTSS at that time cause he always said that he he had no feelings anymore.

He told me he's living with OW cause he needs to live somewhere. I really don't know what kind of a relation they have, but he comes home several times a week always kisses me and since 2 months not showing Monster anymore. Sometimes I am afraid that we will be stuck in this situation cause he might think that I accept his behavior.
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Re: How long has it been since you have been intimate with your spouse?
#22: August 26, 2012, 07:29:08 AM
Quote from: Niek on August 26, 2012, 04:46:10 AM
We are still intimate several times a week and I don't know if that is a good thing. In his psychotic times he told me he wanted to be intimate with me cause that was the only time he had his feelings back. I think he had a severe PTSS at that time cause he always said that he he had no feelings anymore.

He told me he's living with OW cause he needs to live somewhere. I really don't know what kind of a relation they have, but he comes home several times a week always kisses me and since 2 months not showing Monster anymore. Sometimes I am afraid that we will be stuck in this situation cause he might think that I accept his behavior.


I'm not being judgmental here as I can only wish I was being intimate but if there is an OW you should be careful even though he is your H. That said I will say no more.


Thanks for being honest.
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I
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Re: How long has it been since you have been intimate with your spouse?
#23: August 26, 2012, 08:59:13 AM
6 years since any sexual intercourse.
A month or more since EXH was enabling for me to have a release.

 But I've stopped all that due to the Oxytocin release in the brain.

All that does  is is make me pair more strongly with him and if he isn't having an orgasm that's not making him bond any closer with me.

I was letting him enable me quite a bit when I first got back up here more than a year ago ...couldn't understand why I was so frantic and freaked out about things. Guess that must have been why.

Think that's what exow did to herself with him too due to his ED. She must have drove herself nuts.
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Is it ego or spirit that governs us to question the answers; or answer the questions?

JD

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Re: How long has it been since you have been intimate with your spouse?
#24: August 26, 2012, 11:27:46 AM

It's been 3 years and 2 months.
He dropped the bomb and that was the end of any physical intimacy.  The low level emotional intimacy stopped about 6 months before that.
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"If every rub irritates you, how will you be polished?"  Rumi
The person least invested in a relationship has all the power.  
To someone in arrested development accountability appears as authority.  To someone emotionally healthy, accountability appears as security.  Dr. Paul Hegstrom.
Bomb Drops: July 2009,  Departure Sept 2009, Jan 2010 says he's not returning...
Reconciliation with a Boomerang starts March 2013, and is ongoing. Married in 1983 with 4 year absence/separation.
R
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Re: How long has it been since you have been intimate with your spouse?
#25: August 26, 2012, 03:52:41 PM
yesterday.....
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HE>i
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Re: How long has it been since you have been intimate with your spouse?
#26: August 26, 2012, 04:07:17 PM
Blast you, Rebel!!  Oh, wait.......

That actually brings a bit of hope.  How long was the dry spell?
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One day at a time.

Thundarr
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Re: How long has it been since you have been intimate with your spouse?
#27: August 26, 2012, 04:58:53 PM
For a while I think it was about 18 months. Then once, then about another year.
Lately things have been better, and we just got back from vacation.
Here's the strange thing, we have a great marriage.....sort of.
We just don't live under the same roof. She texted me first thing this morning
for example, and does almost every day. I'm just giving things more time.
I think if I pushed, she'd come back, but I want her to finish this journey and
make that choice on her own.
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HE>i
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Re: How long has it been since you have been intimate with your spouse?
#28: August 26, 2012, 08:53:25 PM
Know see I have a gut feeling that my W has to complete her journey elsewhere, but I also know if I push her to leave it will probably cause a domino effect and force her to pull the trigger with her lawyer. I really want her to go and finish what she has to finish but do not want to destroy all chance of reconciliation.


The lack of intimacy is just a trigger for me to cycle, one I am truly tired of feeling.
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s
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Re: How long has it been since you have been intimate with your spouse?
#29: August 26, 2012, 09:48:47 PM
Great question.  For me on our anniversary 6-29.  Afterwards he told me he had to send a text  (I knew it was to OW) that was it for me.  It has never happened again and that helped me to detach like nothing else could have.  I just felt so used.
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M 51
H 53
M 16 yrs
BD:  3/2012
Living separate but under the same roof

"Sometimes people throw away something good for something better, only to find out later that good was actually good enough and better never even came close."
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