[ascending]

Since BD so almost 5 months 

[honour]

We are still intimate several times a week and I don't know if that is a good thing. In his psychotic times he told me he wanted to be intimate with me cause that was the only time he had his feelings back. I think he had a severe PTSS at that time cause he always said that he he had no feelings anymore.

He told me he's living with OW cause he needs to live somewhere. I really don't know what kind of a relation they have, but he comes home several times a week always kisses me and since 2 months not showing Monster anymore. Sometimes I am afraid that we will be stuck in this situation cause he might think that I accept his behavior.

Niek, from the outside looking in, what you have written is ringing alarm bells with me. A man (who has had psychotic episodes) who is living with another woman, has sex with you several times a week; and this pacifies Monster i.e. you provide sex and he is no longer angry, verbally abusive and spiteful to you.

It is likely he doesn't care whether you accept his behaviour or not, he's getting what he wants, from you and the OW.

Please take the best possible care of you. Be careful.

honour

[Niek]

Honour. No the sex didn't pacify Monster. I think he has been thinking a lot lately, cause I gave him stuff to think about. Like that I wanted him to take a look at himself, were his anger came from cause it is not something that I do or say that causes this anger. So I told him this anger must be something within you. Since then I didn't see Monster anymore and he is much more relaxed. I also told him to google 'black and white thinking'. He always accuses me of being black and white. If you search the internet on black and white thinking it leads you to Borderline. People who cannot control their anger anymore, leaving their families, sometimes leaving their jobs, people who are not able to take a look at themselves etc. etc. That is what he is and what he has done. Never heard anymore the black and white issue. Now the fog in his head is slowly going away (until recently he even told me several times he was very confused) I see that I can sometimes say things to him which he is able now to digest. Until 2 months ago this should have been absolutely impossible.
I know what causes his MLC and he knows it too as he had been reading my mails I wrote to someone with the same cultural background as H and who was in this mess for about 5 years. I didn't know he knew my password, but he did. I think he has to get in terms with it, with his traumatizes parents and his childhood issues.

[In this for ME]

Rebel- great job on your part!!!!- keep it up ( no pun intended)

Actually last year it was 6 years for me I had that frozen in time. Actually it's seven years UGH!!

[keepingthepeace]

Just over a year, about a year ago  he moved on to the couch, he evven said he wanted me to find someone else, then he made it out the door in February.

[Mitzpah]

Almost 2 years 
I miss this part of our marriage tremendously, especially the closeness we had after ML.
Intimacy fell off very fast after September 2010 and obviously zeroed after BD (Dec 2010).

[RivenIN2]

Well once again the people here have taught me a lesson, I really thought I was alone in feeling the way I do. I know intimacy is a touchy subject for some and it is very different for men and women. I know this is a trigger for me to cycle now. Maybe since I know it is a trigger I can do something about it instead of letting it get to me.

I would begin to feel the need for that closeness and of course because she has forbidden it I would start to get depressed. In the past I would allow this to happen and sort of wallow in that depressive hole I would find myself in.(be nice I know that I set that one up but just ignore it OK?)

I am hoping now I can maybe snap my rubber bands and pull myself out of those thoughts, speaking of which I just noticed I do not have them on, and I am not sure when or where they came off. Oh well I'll get another one. But the trick of snapping the rubber bands did work for me with depression so maybe it will help here also.

I am going to keep going for now, I keep falling but with the help of the kind people here I have always picked myself up.

[Thundarr]

Told you it would, buddy.  They probably disintegrated due to your wearing them out.   

[Chickpea]

Well, my H started on meds for HBP and hperlipidemia so believe me, that was not good.  And he would not talk about the issue with me- we slept together nightly till he left but he used to take sleeping pills and turn his back to me.  When we went to a therapist after BD, the one and only time, he told her he was not interested in having sex with me.  We always had a great sex life until the meds.  Then there was the preoccupation with his new job and I lost interest because I needed to know he wanted and loved me not his job.  So BD was in Jan and he refuses to see me so no sex for me.

[Chloe1977]

September 26, 2009 was the last time H and I were intimate. It was the morning of my sister's wedding...that's how I'm able to remember the date and believe, I don't want to remember how long it's been. Since then I've been kissed by one other man and found out the hard way that I was his MLC diversion. Thank goodness it was only a kiss and a few sweet verbal exchanges.