[forthetrees]

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/08/upshot/study-finds-more-reasons-to-get-and-stay-married.html?action=click&contentCollection=U.S.&module=MostEmailed&version=Full&region=Marginalia&src=me&pgtype=article&abt=0002&abg=0

[kikki]

Isn't that great    Read it this morning too

[patience.of.a.saint]

They really have no clue.

[OceanLady]

ha, I am educated (BA in chemistry) and xH is educated (senior software engineer after many years - AA in mathematics).  Both of our parents were never divorced.  But when midlife crisis arrived, he ran.  Obviously marriage and best friend were not enough to stop any of his stress.  He found an OW to take care of that, as many others did also.  His bestie now is the OW and he wants to forget about his family.  The replies that I read, had no idea or no mention of midlife crisis or a low point in life.  This proves that if MLC does not enter your life, you have no idea what it is or means.

[Thunder]

Interesting read.

Not sure I go along with the whole article but a lot makes sense.
I feel a good marriage isn't so much about education,etc., it has a lot to do with how you were raised.  A dysfunctional family life can breed more dysfunction. 

Then if you add in MLC any marriage can blow up.  The article doesn't mention that.  Of course that's because it's not real, right?   

[Medusa]

"It concluded that being married makes people happier and more satisfied with their lives than those who remain single – particularly during the most stressful periods, like midlife crises."

Clearly these authors have no idea what a MLC really is. At least they got the stressful part, right!

[LisaLives]

Actually, I disagree...  And I hate to be the dissenter, but I think we all end up here because most of our spouses were personality disordered and, for that reason, or another, ended up with a NEGATIVE MLC.  There are people who have SERIOUS MLCs and do not leave their spouses. 

When someone targets their family, or their job, or their religion, or something other than their spouse, in their MLC, spouses don't end up here.  I have told here before of a man I know having a horrible MLC career change, and his wife ended up leaving him.  He finally broke away from his FOO and their expectations, gave up the high six-figure job and is enrolled in a teacher ed program.  His wife HATED that.  He was truly struggling, he even showed occasional shark eyes and confused thinking, but he never wanted to leave his family, and now his wife is making it worse for him...

But people do have serious MLCs without leaving their spouses, and that's where the marriage IS a support.  The flaw in the generalizability of this study is that they looked at people who got married and stayed married and their difference in happiness.  The goal was to see if it was marriage that makes people happy, or if happy people marry.  They found that controlling for pre-marriage happiness, people who stayed married were happier.  The interesting follow-up would be to find out about the people who DIDN'T stay married.  Were they less happier to begin with, thus selecting out--I tend to believe that about a LOT of MLCers--that they really never had the ability to be TRULY happy...  Or, did M make them unhappy...  Lots of questions, but I do believe we overlook other forms of MLC--the ones that are bad, but are more self-focused and not other-focused...  Love and light, ll

[OldPilot]

Actually, I disagree...  And I hate to be the dissenter, but I think we all end up here because most of our spouses were personality disordered and, for that reason, or another, ended up with a NEGATIVE MLC.  There are people who have SERIOUS MLCs and do not leave their spouses. 

I do agree with LL, although here we might call those transitions instead of crisis.

Interesting discussion.

[Thunder]

I don't want to tick any of the guys off, but I really feel men are happier married than single.  Most of the time a man will remarry long before a woman will.

A lot of women end up enjoying single life more.  At least that's my observation.  : )

I do agree people who stay married are happier in their older years.  Maybe it's keeping the family unit together.  No step this or step that.  Plus all the memories are kept in tact.
jmo

[OldPilot]

I don't want to tick any of the guys off, but I really feel men are happier married than single.  Most of the time a man will remarry long before a woman will.

Well from my POV a man cant get married again without a woman....