[Thunder]

Ha ha...good point Old Pilot!

However I was referring to divorced women, not single women.  Single women usually want to get married.  Divorced women not as much.  I suppose it could be that most women already had their children by the time they divorce and they feel a little more free'd up.  Children are most likely older and she is not looking for a father for her kids.

Divorced men tend to marry again...and sooner.  I'd say maybe for the companionship...I don't know that, though.
Men?  What do you think?

[LisaLives]

Women are just more social than men, and have an easier time finding sex, if they want it...  So, we can have everything without getting married!  I had this conversation with one of my LBS male friends one night in a bar.  He said, Lisa, if you stood up right now and said "Hey, I need to get laid, is anyone willing to help me out? There would be a line down the block and all the men at all the other bars would get in it too.  But if he stood up and did it, HE would probably get arrested, and slapped, not sure in which order...  And it's true. 

The Sweet Potato Queens say women need a man for four things, I think, right, and I don't remember what all of them are, but the only one can be filled by a gay guy, and that's the romance part.  I get all the love, support and social interaction I need from my GFs, the only thing I need a man for is sex...  Even as I contemplate M, I am still not sure I want to live with anyone 24/7.  I LIKE my alone time and my own space.  We'll work it out, but I do know a couple who share a house, but have separate quarters--I think I like that... 

And OP, I do think around these parts, we discount those OTHER crises as transitions, not crises, but I still disagree.  How would you qualify the difference in severity?  By all accounts, my H is not in "crisis."  He just replaced me.  He didn't lose his job, become an addict, or totally bail on his kids.  He's an AH in many ways, but me and his kids are the only ones who see it, and we don't tell other people about it.  This other guy I know is CLEARLY in CRISIS.  He is losing his family because he wants to leave the financial rat race.  People tell him, "man, don't do this to your family," but he is in despair...  And I think he's kind of a hero, but it goes against what we value as a society...  I don't know, thinking out loud, but what is the difference between an MLC and an MLT?  Is it simply leaving your marital family? 

[OceanLady]

I too, believe that a transition is different than a crisis and may be due to strong familial ties and strong religious values.  One of my very best friends has a husband that went thru a transition, not a crisis.  He lost his sense of humor, which was large by the way, and got cranky as well as lost his motivation for home improvement for about a year.  Then, for about 1.5 years he got very quiet and only spoke when spoken to but he did continue to go to church and be involved with family gatherings.  My friend stood by and let him be in his own world....somehow she knew he was going thru something.  He got family responsibility breaks, through his job, by having to go on many work trips overseas for a few weeks at a time.  He is a VP of Procurement and has a very stressful job.  My friend does think that these breaks may have helped him in the long run and she did not push him to talk at all.  He is finished with his transition now and he is much better husband (if that is possible), he was great before this happened IMO.  He does not talk about it and she does not ask any questions.  He simply said that he thought my H was going thru a MLC when this all started...he was nearing the end of his transition and never said anything else about it.

This friend, has held me up through the worst of my pain when H walked out and the entire 3 year divorce...she went with me to the Final Hearing for support.  Her advice was sound and very welcome, even my L listened to her feedback during lunch at that long hearing.  However, after almost 5 years of this journey, she does think my xH will never change and better to let the whole thing go.  She does not really understand the crisis part nor how long MLC takes.   She thinks he is lost forever...which I tend to agree with.  By the way, she is Portuguese and her H is Cuban, they are both college educated and both very religious.  They grew up in the same neighborhood in NJ and have best friends ever since.  So OP is correct, I think this article is talking about a MLT as the low-point in life, not a true MLC!

[Tsunami]

Well from my POV a man cant get married again without a woman....

In some states, a man can get married without a woman.

Ha!  Ha! 

[OldPilot]

Well from my POV a man cant get married again without a woman....

In some states, a man can get married without a woman.

Ha!  Ha!

I know I am missing the joke, are we talking about the state your ex is in? 

[Tsunami]

No JL, you didn't miss the joke, you got it, I can tell by your response.  Need to go see if Tennessee legalized gay marriages yet or not, maybe he needs to move back to Florida.  NOT, want him as far away as possible from me at this point in the game, too close to inheritance time.  I think I've already shared my wealth with him, no more funding from me or my family.

He needs to find a rich man to support him, he lost everything.  I often wonder if he realizes he got screwed yet. 

There is an old saying, one hundred and twenty submariners go down as one hundred and twenty men, and come back up sixty couples.

[OceanLady]

oooh, that's nasty Tsunami!!!!  I used to work with nuclear navy guys at the nuc plant many years ago and I heard many crude jokes,  but I never heard this crude joke!!  Yuck!  LOL

[Songanddance]

I am bumping this up as I suspect a lot of newbies don't know about this useful mine of information.

I fully intended to keep posting a new link to Lee Baucom's save the marriage podcasts and also his thriveology.com podcasts. They support everything you learn here and really help you focus on your self development.

www.savethemarriageblog.com  and www.thriveology.com

[xyzcf]

When the other woman becomes the wife:

http://www.emotionalaffair.org/when-the-other-woman-becomes-the-wife/

Take heart all you LBSers who have to face this.

[31andcounting]

 
 ;)31