[Songanddance]

Maze, Midlife (2012-04-25). Detach and Survive: A Book of Self-Care for the Wives of Midlife Crisis Men (Kindle Location 996). Midlife Maze. Kindle Edition. $5.

This is purely for the lbs [I know it says wives but would apply equally to husbands].

Nothing we haven't heard before but it is entirely devoted to the lbs & it helps to hear the message from many different voices.

Can recommend it very highly - saved me much time wasting and this was before I found this site.  Really good sensible and practical advice.

[Songanddance]

This is Wikipedia's summary of Jung's theory of the shadow. Wikipedia notoriously makes mistakes I know but this is interesting in addition to the fact that RCR uses some of this in her explanations about the shadow.
You will see MLC in this especially the reference to the 3-7 yr long descent!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_(psychology)

[bipolared]

Maze, Midlife (2012-04-25). Detach and Survive: A Book of Self-Care for the Wives of Midlife Crisis Men (Kindle Location 996). Midlife Maze. Kindle Edition. $5.

This is purely for the lbs [I know it says wives but would apply equally to husbands].

Nothing we haven't heard before but it is entirely devoted to the lbs & it helps to hear the message from many different voices.

Can recommend it very highly - saved me much time wasting and this was before I found this site.  Really good sensible and practical advice.

I just got this last night and liked it very much. Very timely advice.

[Songanddance]

http://www.leslievernick.com/2013/12/23/more-clarity-on-boundaries-and-consequences/

Another one from resources on self focus and paving the way thread. Very useful.

[Songanddance]

Another link to the latest pod cast from Lee Baucom. His words are in blue with the link at the bottom.

Do you feel like giving up?  Are you trying to save your marriage and frustrated because things are where you want them to be?
Just the other day, "Sue" wrote me to tell me she was ready to quit.
She told me that her husband had been involved in an emotional affair, and she accidentally discovered the emails.  When confronted, her husband told Sue that he did not love Sue and had been unhappy for years.
Sue decided to take matters in her own hands and save her marriage.
She changed herself and worked on improving the connection with her husband.  In fact, Sue went into "overdrive" in her efforts.  Several weeks in, she was exhausted, hurt and scared.  Her husband told her that he saw the efforts, but it was too late.

In her email, Sue told me she was ready to give up, but wanted to know what I thought.  She asked, "do I have a snowball's chance in hell of saving this?"
Unfortunately, I don't have a crystal ball.
But I do know this:  Sue was at a very normal, very predictable stage in the process of a marriage crisis.
In this week's free audio, I will tell you the stages, and will also tell you one more thing:  sometimes people give up just before a breakthrough.  Sometimes, the resistance and frustration is highest just before a shift -- but people either give up or try to force it.

Do you want to know the secret on what to do?  Take a listen to the audio.  You can find it right here:
>>>> http://wp.me/p3YHG4-lW <<<<

As always, you can listen to the audio for free and without obligation.
If you are having (or have had) those feelings of frustration, just take a listen.

[Songanddance]

Ok - I'm going to keep bumping this up because I have been listening to Lee Baucom's podcasts on ITunes and they are absolutely brilliant.
(Lee Baucom was my saviour in the early days just after BD when I didn't know what to do or to make of MLC and was in high anxiety/panic mode. I downloaded his e-book (now a newer kindle version) on save the marriage and listened to the 2 accompanying MP3s. One on midlife crisis marriage and one on affairs and the fallout. They SAVED me and this is way before I met this site.)
His words and tone are calm and reassuring. No religious overtones, just sensible, practical calming advice.
Whilst his headline is Save the marriage, the podcasts are not about how to save the marriage rather how to save yourself and then focus on  the marriage afterwards which is the advice we are given here.
He doesn't say so but his experience seems personal as he hits so many accurate points but only when you are ready to listen.
I download his podcasts and listen to them in my car to and from work. Good way of multi tasking!
So if you have I tunes - go to podcasts, type in Lee Baucom in search box and there you go!

[/b]If not google Lee Baucom or go to www.savethemarriage.com

[Songanddance]

Link to Amazaon kindle for Save the marriage in three easy steps.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Save-Your-Marriage-Simple-Steps-ebook/dp/B00FN77N1E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1390559093&sr=8-1&keywords=save+the+marriage

I repeat this is not marriage counselling but it focusses on YOU and what you can do to change yourself and deal with the marriage crisis.
So some of the book may not be relevant but some will.
Let's put it this way I downloaded his e book which is very complex and from that I learned how I had made mistakes and what I needed to change about me. The rest I have left "on the shelf" so to speak for a later date.
Hopefully this information will speak to you as much as it spoke to me.
Pick out what is useful to you and leave the rest.

[Songanddance]

I am going to create links from Lee Baucom's brilliant site  savethemarriage.com
His podcasts are very helpful and recognise the crisis of infidelity and whilst he doesn't refer to MLC - some of what he says is already written by RCR and others. So this is a great way of re-inforcing that knowledge but while you are in your car or having a walk or ironing (god forbid)

This one is on how our thoughts fool us and really helped me understand the difference between the thought and the reality.

http://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/2013/10/your-thoughts-save-marriage-podcast/

[Searching4Answers]

This is Wikipedia's summary of Jung's theory of the shadow. Wikipedia notoriously makes mistakes I know but this is interesting in addition to the fact that RCR uses some of this in her explanations about the shadow.
You will see MLC in this especially the reference to the 3-7 yr long descent!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_(psychology)

That is a powerful summary. I particularly liked:

'even after the focus of individuation has moved on to the animus/anima, 'the later stages of shadow integration' will continue to take place - the grim 'process of washing one's dirty linen in private',[33] accepting one's shadow.'


The 'process of washing one's dirty linen in private' really applies to my H. He has a lot of washing to do.

Thanks S&D

[calamity]

Re:  Lee Baucom

I don't have itunes & the link works.

Worth the 20 minutes to listen.  It is NOT about marriage [in case you're thinking you have no marriage to save ], subject is thinking & 'mental hygiene' [good term].  A thought is just a thought.