[Ready2Transform]

http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/24/health/raison-shootings-ptsd/index.html?fb_action_ids=10150977959277470&fb_action_types=og.recommends&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582

Saw this article, and there's some similar symptoms discussed.  I hadn't seen anyone mention the dissociation before (my H saying he was dissociating at one point was such a pivotal piece of data for me that will always confirm this is so much more than just an affair or a lifestyle change).  Also, I think we as LBSs can benefit from dealing with our own BD PTSD. 

previous thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1769.0

[Rebel Yell]

Good article, I see similar things there.

[Ready2Transform]

I think there's definitely a PTSD link in MLC - it's almost like it's "deferred trauma", waiting for the perfect time to spring it on them. 

[Anjae]

Interesting article, Ready2.

[NewAttitude]

I have PTSD.  I have believed that my whole family (H and both D's  too) as a result of the trauma around 11 years ago.  I have my own PTSD from childhood; however, everything fell apart for all of us and we all went sort of crazy when the original events set off the chain of events that happened.  (Rape> suicide attemps> family dysfunction and anger and constant drama...etc...)  At any rate, I know things in my life may be due to those traumas more than MLC and I have no idea if the MLC is me or H but regardless, the PTSD is pretty constant for me.  I have night mares when I see violence or when emotions get strong.  I have a severe startle reflex.  I worry because H and D (the victim and runaway) do not sleep hardly at all.  I at least sleep a little! 

Last year, when I was working at a hostile work environment, a person came up behind and to the left of me on the side with my lazy eye and got in close and started making threats and trying to intimidate me.  I ran to the closest phone available and called security.  Thankfully, they understood the situation and filed stalking charges against the person who threatened me. 

I was pretty hysterical and called my boss to ask for more details on this person for him to give to security and he called me "overly dramatic."  That's when I left that job.  He can f*** off.  Even security understood the threat.  They were able to find the event on the security camera and they made sure I was safe.

This hostile boss was just an a$$hole and there was already 'office politics' happening, so he was just being intentionally rude and jerky. 

However, I will say that the person who stalked me and scared the crap out of me is lucky my instintive urge to beat the crap out of anyone attacking me didn't set in.  Flight or fight! It really exists! I did the flight.  I have no regrets for what I did.  Security took my side against the boss.  The boss was completely in the wrong and I am safe out of that work place now and the stalker was stopped and police reports got written.

Also, I guess I just want to add that disocciation is a poor coping skill but it is one way that helps (even if it at times hinders).  I try to think of disociation in a mild sense as being closer to the detachment idea.  I know it is not the same exact thing, but it is one way to separate yourself from the item causing pain.

[calamity]

The first few lines apply to mlc I think:

 The brain is by far the most complex thing that we know of in the universe.

And yet, for all its complexity, sometimes the brain responds to events in ways that are so remarkably predictable that we can use these responses to help people who are suffering.

I don't think lbs's have exactly the PTSD that comes from horrifying events & traumas but, all these things have a spectrum & I do think some of us are at the less severe end. 

[xyzcf]

There is an interesting book called "Transcending Post Infidelity Stress Disorder" By Dennis Ortman.

I do believe that many LBsers are traumatized to the extent that they do experience serious symptoms of PTSD.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs (back to psych 101) looks at the things that we MUST have in order to be able to proceed to higher levels of living. If the lower levels of biological and physiological needs, safety and belongingness and love are not met, it is difficult to attain esteem and selfactualization. This is usually shown as a pyramid.

Self-actualization: personal growth and fulfilment
Esteem needs: achievement, status, responsibility, reputation
Belongingness and Love needs:family, affection, relationships, work group, etc.
Safety needs:protection, security, order, law, limits, stability, etc.
Biological and Physiological needs:basic life needs - air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc.

© design Alan Chapman 2001-7, based on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Biological, LBSers are on high alert because everything is being torn away from them without their choice. We are pushed into a constant "flight" pattern that causes overstimulation of our adrenal glands and the release of hormones such as cortisol which are helpful in the short term but destructive when they are constantly turned on.

And MLC lasts a very long time so we are constantly under this excessive stress.

My dad was a POW and he did have PTSD...I remember he had nightmares, inability to sleep, depression, lack on interest in things, withdrawl, anger and suspicion and paranoia.....and he really only seemed to relate to friends that had been with him as a POW....somewhat like the way I feel about fellow LBSers.

Our lives are destroyed..suddenly, without warning and it is similar to a natural disaster. We also have other predisposing issues that may complicate how we respond to stress.

I know how badly this has thrown me out of my normal way of responding..how I coped for 54 years before this happened. Is it full blown PTSD? Probably not but I think there are more similarities then less.

[Niek]

I have read already several times that emotional neglect and psychical abuse in childhood can cause a PTSD later in life. And I am absolutely sure my H had one. I saw him dissociating. He couldn't say a word and was staring in front of him and he didn't now were he was at that moment. Really really scary. I think dissociation has also a lot to do with suppressing your bad memories, never think about them. I think if you don't suppress your bad memories / experiences and try to get in terms with them, give them a place in your life, you will never get a PTSD.

[Songanddance]

I have found so many of the links on various threads really helpful but like most of you do not have the time to read all of the threads and therefore have probably missed some really useful articles.

Perhaps those of you that have posted links on threads could link them again here maybe?

Here's one I found on the addictive affair... http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/blogs/it-loving-relationship-or-addiction

and another on emotional dependency http://www.outofstress.com/emotional-dependence/


previous thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1769.0

[onlyjo]

S&D
WOW!  this is a great article.  i count myself as one of those who "stepped up" to help my h out of this addictive relating (with OW, who is such a disaster of a person i feel sure their "relationship" is totally co-dependent--can't confirm this, but suspect they BOTH have the "it's us against the world" mentality) but have now "stepped out".  i have been dealing with h and his MLC and deplorable behavior for 3+ years now, even before i knew about OW--the signs were all there, withdrawal, moodiness, anger, irritability...all of it. 

interesting that my h is a self-proclaimed alcoholic, and admitted to me that he was/is addicted to porn.  he has an addictive personality, which i guess puts him right smack on track for an addictive relationship.  i don't know that he was ever addicted to me--if he was, it was long long ago, and because he has such a low opinion of himself--no "core" or "soul" as far as i'm concerned--OF COURSE he's looking for his fix (what he terms "happiness") any way he can get it--booze, porn, OW...sheesh.  it's a sad situation. 

and people who are like this have to want to change, want to get help, and END THE DENIAL  i don't see this happening with my h any time soon, if ever.  again, a sad situation.  sad sad sad.  i am sad that h is so sick, that he won't get help, that he's still playing the blame game...sad for me, sad for him, sad for my 3D. 

i have also recognized that i have to STEP BACK and MOVE FORWARD.  i am not mentally ill, addicted, MLC.  i am able to cope with what life throws at me--with A LOT of help from family, friends, faith, and this forum has helped me immensely!!!

thanks so much for sharing this link.
onlyjo