[StillStanding]

http://thisisindexed.com/2012/01/just-wanted-to-know-if-youre-you-okay/

[StillStanding]

Soul-Talk: Are You Drinking Your Own Poison?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/russell-bishop/soul-talk_b_1255705.html

Are you slowly dying in your own self-made poisonous rut of upset and resentment and calling it life instead? Are you drinking the poison of continuous upset hoping the other person will change? I'm pretty sure all of us have blamed someone else for our own upset and then stewed in that poisonous brew for days on end. You have, haven't you? I know I sure have.

Last week, we spent a little time on that wonderful blame-oriented toxic voice of "I'm upset because... " The truth of the matter is that while someone else may have done something you found offensive, nonetheless, you are the one who authors your own experience of being upset. In order to become upset in the first place, you have to tell yourself something negative about the other person, the situation or what happened, and you probably had to cast it in some form of "that's not fair" or "that's not right." Of course it's not fair -- it's life. However, the longer you persist in running the negative Self-Talk mantra of "I'm upset because..." coupled with "it's not fair," the longer you wind up stewing in your own poison.

Haven't you ever noticed that someone else can experience the identical situation that you found upsetting and the other person simply let it go and moved on? If this is even remotely familiar, then you might want to ask yourself what you hope to gain by remaining upset long after the event has slipped into the past. The really crazy thing about upset and resentment is that the more often you go to that well, the more familiar it becomes. And the more familiar you become with upset and resentment, the more you may begin to equate life with being upset. Sooner or later, upset and resentment can become the new normal.

More at the link...

[StillStanding]

I haven't had one of these in a while...

Anger: Handle with Care
by Gary Chapman

Do find yourself over-reacting to little irritations? Your spouse forgot the milk. Your child tracked mud on the new carpet, and you explode. There is a good chance that you are suffering from stored anger. Anger that has been living inside of you for years. Your parents hurt you with harsh words or severe punishment. Your peers made fun of you as a teenager. Your boss treated you unfairly.

You've held all of these hurts inside and now your stored anger is showing up in your behavior. The bible says,  "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." In my book entitled Anger, I talk about getting rid of stored anger in more detail, but here's a few helpful insights that could help you handle this powerful emotion.

Discover the Symptoms
One of the common problems I encounter in the counseling office is people who are eaten up with anger. They have been deeply hurt by others. In an effort to be good Christians, they have held their anger inside. They didn't want to explode or be unkind, so they said nothing. Anger held inside leads to bitterness, hatred, and often depression.

Many people have no idea why they are cranky, critical, and condemning. They make life hard on others and hard on themselves. Almost always, these people are filled with anger. Everything they encounter seems wrong. They read into the present what has happened to them in the past. They were hurt by parents, siblings, and others. The hurt turned to anger and the anger to a critical attitude.

Release it to God
If you have internalized your anger for a long time, it's time to release it to God. Tell God how much you have been hurt. Then, release the person and your anger to God. He is a just and loving God. If the person repents, God will forgive. If they do not, God will punish them. When you release people to God, you put them in good hands.

Confront in Love
When we are mistreated we need to lovingly confront the person who hurt us and seek reconciliation. Don't sit around the rest of your life letting anger control your life. Make one more effort in seeking reconciliation. The first step in getting rid of anger is to make a list of all the people who have hurt you through the years and then release these people and your anger to God. Then, go to the person and tell them that you would like to 'make things right'.

Live Free
If someone is open when you lovingly confront them, they will confess their wrong and you can forgive. If they are not, then ask God if there is anything else you need to do such as 'return good for evil'. Whatever He brings to mind, do it. Then give that person and your hurt and anger to God. Pray for them, but don't allow their behavior to control your life. God wants you to be free to follow Him.

[StillStanding]

[StillStanding]

https://twitter.com/#!/DivorceBusting/statuses/175943685169610753

If you start sentences with "If he would only," or "I just wish she would," you're not accepting life as it is. That spells disappointment.

[StillStanding]

http://thisisindexed.com/2012/03/the-happiest-medium/

[StillStanding]

https://twitter.com/#!/DivorceBusting/statuses/179191282193805313

Relationships are the one place where one half and one half do not equal a whole. You have to be whole yourself if love is to work.

[StillStanding]

http://www.facebook.com/DivorceBusting/posts/10150637979328821

Marriage was never supposed to fulfill all your needs.

[StillStanding]

http://twitter.com/DivorceBusting/statuses/180023028363698176

Wise people don't allow negative feelings or the absence of loving feelings to make them question their commitment to their spouses.

[StillStanding]

http://www.momlifetoday.com/2011/05/making-comparisons/

Making Comparisons
by Shaunti Feldhahn

“Never compare your beginning to someone else’s middle”

After 18 months of intensive work, my eight-year-old son earned his blue belt in karate. For a young wiggly boy who has difficulty maintaining the concentration (and stillness!) required by his Sensei, this was a huge accomplishment. He proudly put on his blue belt and moved up to a completely different class level. And then something unusual happened. He began wanting to avoid karate class. And then he shocked me with this announcement: “Maybe I should stop karate and do something else.”

Finally, last night, he told me what was wrong: he didn’t know the new skills. “The boys in the class all know the new hokei so well. I don’t know what I’m doing.” Having spent the last ten years translating all the unspoken things that men and boys are feeling inside, I heard what was underneath the surface: Everyone is doing better than I, and I can’t keep up. I’m embarrassed … I feel inadequate. And since feeling inadequate is by far the most painful feeling for a male, a guy may instinctively prefer to check out rather than risk feeling this way any longer.

But of course, this type of discouragement is not limited to men. How many times have I compared myself or my success to someone else’s — and felt privately jealous or like I am found wanting? How many times have you? Not long ago, many years of work and intense personal dedication culminated in my releasing a new venture and a new book in a new arena. With great hopes, I released it … and watched as it quietly deflated. Depressed, I watched others in the same arena expand their reach by leaps and bounds. What was wrong with what I did? Was I not cut out for this?

Sigh. Maybe I should stop going this direction and do something else.

Hm … sounds familiar. …

This morning, my friend and assistant Julie forwarded me a blog post she had read by Jon Acuff talking about this exact dynamic — and it floored me. Acuff is an accomplished author and loves speaking on stage, but one day in the unfamiliar format of radio on an interview with a supremely accomplished radio host, he was feeling inadequate. The producer told him to remember that this host had been perfecting his skills in radio for 17 years.

Acuff said he realized a very important truth. “Never compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.”

I read those words and realized: there was my answer. And then I called my little boy over and read him the entire blog post. He went from squirming and anxious to pack his bag for school, to listening intently. He looked up at me and said, “That makes me feel good. I’m the only new kid in the blue belt class. But I won’t be for long.” And off he ran to school.

My heartfelt thanks from my son and me, Mr. Acuff. I’m the new kid right now, and it’s uncomfortable. But, God willing, I won’t be for long!