[alwayshope]

Not to interrupt but I have a weird question.   Sometimes I will be reading through the posts and will come upon some where people are really crying out for help repeatedly and no one else seems to be on yet or noticing.  The other night one poor person had mentioned having no reason to live and thinking about not continuing on anymore.  I read up and it wasn't the first time this was mentioned.  I try to say something to at least bump the thread but am really worried about saying the wrong thing.  One of my deficits is that I'm not one of those warm and comforting people people.  Not to pass the buck but is there anyone to alert if we feel someone is in serious trouble and needs more experienced help?

Not a weird question - I have wondered the same thing.

[calamity]

SK, This should be the thread where you get quick responses but if you're worried about someone you can pm one of the mentors or anyone you know who's online.  You can respond with just, thinking of you if you don't have an answer.  Or ask them a question. 

[Anjae]

We have many threads and it is not easy to know what is going on with every member at any given time.

Calamity has good advice. I would sugest PM a mentor or someone else that is omline. If the PM goes to a mentor that is not online it may only be seen many hours latter.

And anyone that notices those situations could post what Calamity sugests. 

[Still Kicking]

Thank you AnneJ and Calamity.  It does get overwhelming to keep up with the threads.  I had forgotten about checking to see who was on line and available.

[Anjae]

Another thing that can be done in such situations is to go the chat on the alt, see who is there and ask them for help. Normally there is always someone on the chat.

[kikki]

Hi all.
I'd just like a little more clarification on no contact being a boundary and a rule.

My H shows up each weekend to mow the yard. He is cycling away now and it appears that he has finally moved in with the OW. We are 1 year post BD. At what point in time do I say "As long as you live with OW and are committing adultery, do not come to the house?".

Under what conditions does one initiate No Contact?

Hi Dancing
This is such a personal thing, and you will get a variety of responses here, from different people. 
Personally, I would still allow my H to come to mow the yard.  It keeps him connected to your house and it is helping you.
If you don't want to be there when he comes, then you could be busy elsewhere, otherwise be busy at your house - polite but detached, leave the conversation first, that kind of thing. 

Others feel they can't stand to have any contact, and don't want their MLCers to help them. Whatever you decide, needs to be what is most comfortable for you - as it is still quite early days.  I wouldn't shut him out for now - dark would be more appropriate in my opinion. 
But at the end of the day - trust your intuition on this. 

[Lovely1]

I am not sure whether  I am on the right thread here ... but I like updating on my situation with my H, and hearing the responses from the Mentors ... Let me know if I should go elsewhere!

We had our first family lunch together - it was S15's birthday - and it was fine. In fact my S15 said that it was though nothing has happened, and that H and I fit together 'like a jigsaw'.

I saw nothing really dark about my H, though he seems shamed and guilty and different.

I would like to think that OW is petering out, and that H is going into Withdrawal/Depression for a few months to sort out the mess he has made. I expect I will be told this is too early (!) but I would like to think so!

Thanks

[Musica]

Sounds nice Lovely!

As long as you have no expectations that he is ending things, or coming out of it .... you can only see that with hindsight unfortunately.

But if you enjoyed the occasion, and your S did too, then that's good. No harm in it at all ... just guard your heart please.

My H seemed to be doing so well after OW1, he had even moved back in ... but then along came OW2, and it all went back to the beginning again. So just saying, enjoy each day as it comes, and guard your heart. xxxx

[justasking]

Lovely

I would like to think that OW is petering out, and that H is going into Withdrawal/Depression for a few months to sort out the mess he has made. I expect I will be told this is too early (!) but I would like to think so!

It is and if you are liking to think so then you have an expectation and you leave yourself wide open to being hurt.

Musica is right. Enjoy the positives but read nothing into them and have no expectations.

Hugs

[DancingInTheRain]

Lovely1,
I think you and I are on about the same time frame in this craziness. We each look for signs that things have turned a corner and are on their way to reconnecting. At Easter my runaway worked his way in to family brunch with the boys and I. He seemed happy, like his old self, and even followed me around a bit. Soon thereafter, he pulled back and we didn't hear much from him at all. Now he seems deeper in the tunnel and making even worse decisions in terms of himself and OW. I kind of relate this to a giant pendulum that swings in one direction, but then has so much momentum that he swings back pretty far in the other direction. Hang in there. I hope your situation is different and that your runaway speeds through the tunnel...
DancingInTheRain