[Thundarr]

I sure HOPE that I dont have an MLC in 5 more years when I turn 64........    
TMHP looks like you may have the combined total championship.
Your age plus your husbands age,

Uh..........you're a brave man, OP.  That's all I can say.  LOL!  (Also, I don't recall seeing TMHP's age...)

[OldPilot]

I don't recall seeing TMHP's age...

I went by what her profile said.

[TrustingMyHP]

Yes, I am 60!  I admit it 

But a very youthful 60, you understand

I think I also get the prize, at 40 years, for the longest marriage on the forum.  Yikes!

I'd like to address loth's question:

So here is my question, do you feel that there are any differences with the older MLCers in terms of length of replay? likelihood of return?

As my STBX's a "geriatric" MLCer, I've thought a good deal about this issue.  I think change becomes harder, much harder, to make as we get older.  That fact, I suspect, negatively affects the likelihood of return of the older MLCer. 

When I look at the changes my STBX has made in his life in the last 29 months it's staggering.  He moved to a city 40 miles away, into an urban environment, (living in a big city is something he'd never experienced before.) He also relocated his business to this new location and set up in a small office there.  He doesn't complain about living in the city.  He seems to like it. 

My STBX has a new social set.  I think there's only one person from our old life that he still sees (rarely.) 

He sold the boat he took with him when he left, and was living on, and bought a new one to live on (actually OW paid for it) two years ago.  They restored that boat, a 54 foot powerboat, and have recently traded it in for a much larger yacht (81 feet!) which they are also planning on restoring while they live on it.  Those are BIG undertakings that have, and will continue to, keep them very busy for many months (years?) on a shared goal and project.

OW also left her marriage (her second which had lasted 15 years) to live with my STBX.  She moved from the town where she'd been living 300 miles away to a strange city to be with my STBX.  Big, big changes.

My STBX's decision to leave our marriage and family seriously altered his relationship to his beloved only child, our D.  My D still sees him but it's more of an obligation sort of relationship on her part, at least at this time, not one coming out of respect or affection. 

My daughter had also reluctantly decided, after refusing to associate with OW for over 2 years, that if she wants to have a relationship with her father going into the future she's going to have to begin to see her father and OW as a couple.  That will make her dad very happy and will lessen the feeling of having lost his "family" that he's complained about.

My STBX is planning on marrying OW as soon as our divorce is final.  I've no doubt that will happen.  Even if the bloom is off the rose of their marriage in 3 or 5 years, by that time my STBX will be in his late 60s, OW in her early 60s.  Who gets divorced at that age? 

I would think simple inertia would keep people together at that age because you're getting to the time in life where you need someone to take care of you in illness.  And if you only have (at best) another 10 or 15 years to live (and my STBX has serious coronary artery disease) are you going to upset the apple cart at that point to return to a former spouse or fall in love with someone else? 

I don't think so.

My STBX said to me last fall that it "just about killed" him to leave me and that he would not go through that experience again by leaving OW.  I believe him.  I know it was devastating for him to leave our marriage and I can't imagine, unless he literally feared for his life, he would put himself through another dissolution of an established relationship again if and when he ever gets through his MLC.

I don't know OW but I know enough about her to say I don't think she's an affair down.  She's not someone I could respect, obviously, but she sounds pretty mundane to me.  At any rate, my STBX adores her so I guess that reinforces his commitment to the changes he's made. 

That's my case for why I suspect older MLCers, say those over 55, particularly if they marry their OW/OM, are less likely to reconcile when/if they get through the MLC tunnel.

Change hurts.  It really difficult.  Unless there's some huge emotional upheavals pushing a person (like the depression/madness of MLC) I don't think people welcome rocking the boat in their lives.  That's true for everybody, MLCer or not.

TMHP

[wondering]

I'm not sure their age has much to do with their returning or even length of MLC.  Mine returned after a short period.  His MLC replay was  kind of on the short end in length of time this can take.  I think it might have more to do with how bad their FOO issues are and what type of MLCer they become.  Clinging Boomerangs seem to return more frequently. 

But I suspect many more MLCers think they have done too much damage and are not able or willing to do the work to repair their marriages.  It simply easier for them to move on.
 

[Returned]

Indeed brokenhearted and TMHP, I value your insight on this. Mine also talked a great deal about "running out of time". I get the feeling that H will cling to OW, because he is fleeing his old life (or his demons as he used to call them) and his FOO issues. He is doing exactly what his father did before him, abandoning all the people who love him. The question is whether OW will want to keep her trophy once she has it, or whether she will become bored. My guess is that she will at least hang in there until the destruction is complete and total, at least until we divorce and he marries her etc. I fear for H's future, but in a sense that is part of the problem I guess. The fact that I always felt it was my responsibility to solve his problems. Now that responsibility will shift to OW.

What baffles me is that I feel no joy in being relieved of the responsibility of solving his problems. My rational mind tells me that I should. However my heart is heavy with foreboding.

[underpressure]

LOTH, My H is 53 this year, but his father died at 58 (when my H was 29). And his father's father died at 58 also when his father was 36. My Husband believes he too will die at age 58 (his daughter will be about 25, and my son will be about 10). I asked him if this theory of his applies to his other siblings (4 of themn living) and if so, why did two of his his siblings die in their childhood? And if not, why not? why is HE so special that he has the "curse" of death at 58?

Anyway, it figures it...no matter how flippant he is about it, I think a part of him takes it seriously. He has 5 years. That's all he's got. OP tells me to imagine him as dead already.