[Shark eyes comes up a lot on this forum. It is a flat affect in the eyes that often appears around bomb drop and especially accompanied by lack of empathy or conscience. Some research I have been doing has led me to wonder: Is the shark eye more pronounce]

Shark eyes comes up a lot on this forum. It is a flat affect in the eyes that often appears around bomb drop and especially accompanied by lack of empathy or conscience. Some research I have been doing has led me to wonder: Is the shark eye more pronounce

Right Eye

1 (3.1%)

Left Eye

0 (0%)

Both Eyes

29 (90.6%)

Unsure

1 (3.1%)

No Shark Eyes

1 (3.1%)

Total Members Voted: 32

Voting closed: October 17, 2016, 07:04:22 PM

[Anjae]

ArmySpouse, I have merge this thread with a previous one on the same matter. If you read back on the previous posts you will find some points of views.

This was taken from DGU's post.

Below is some insight from RCR on the topic

That lack of eye-contact is part of the script. The ancient Greeks believed the eyes were the window to the soul. You know a person by looking into their eyes. He knows that you know him so well that you will see directly into his soul and know what is going on—his fears, his thoughts, his indiscretions… and looking into the eyes is a way of connecting on an intimate level. LBSs often think their MLCers are avoiding eye contact out of guilt or shame—and they probably are—but they are also doing it because they are afraid of the connection and do not want to be pulled back in. They fear their own lack of will power.

And these (in black) are my replies to your questions.

1)where does it come from??
is there a medical and scientific research done on this ? - It comes from the depression. Depressed people tend to have dead eyes. Same is true for addicts and alcolics. The researh can be found on research about depression and addiction.


2)what is the purpose for it? - We don't really know. But is is thought that people loose all interest for life and, therefore, they become dead inside which in reflected, among other things, on the dead eyes.

3)where all those people?? - In la la land, adiction land, alcohol land, depression land. Their souls have left the building. They are an empty shell.

4)Is it protecting them from something (like not feeling the emotional turmoil that there are causing and so to speak not to make him aware of the stuff that they're doing)?? - The drepression does that. The eyes are a sympthom of the depression.

5) is it only apparent in certain stages of the crises and goes away ?? - Yes. But it differs from Mlcer to MLCer. It is mostly a sign of Replay, but during Replay, at least early on, some MLcers still show clear eyes. Then they can swing between dead eyes and clear eyes. Some get the dead eyes at a point in Replay and will only loose them after hitting rock bottom. But dead eyes can still appear during Liminality. They should have fade by Rebirth.

6)And is it really not visible for anybody else but the people who know the true person before the crises ?(like the other woman or man)
 Like the other woman or man) - I don't know. It would seems obvious to me that dead eyes are dead eyes no matter if we have, or have not, knew the person before. But even relatives of the MLCer do not seem to notice. Or they do but have no idea what it means.

7)  is it beer all the time or only during certain circumstances like for example when monster comes out is visible or does it not matter ?? - After a certain point it does not matter. Monster may even have a little bit of less dead eyes since it is the MLCer feeling some emotion.

 

[paradigmshift]

Mine showed not just the dead eyes of depression, but a much much more horrible look. Like that of a dog being scolded for doing someone wrong, combined with the pain of an animal with its foot freshly caught in a trap, and the jumpiness of someone who was the sole witness to a murder in a back alley. Very unmistakable.

To me, that is the look of demonic oppression of some sort and a defining indicator of MLC. Of course for other people, there are other different factors that contribute to MLC. Mine used to visit temples to get rid of bad luck and was told that he had spirits attaching to him. To me, those pagan rituals to get rid of the spirits caused/compounded the problem. That's why I keep praying for mine and I've seen that it has worked. In fact, I have an inkling that he is on his journey back.

I first saw that look 2-3 months before BD. We were skype-ing and he was on his bed in the dark. We started quarrelling and he started getting that look and spewing nonsense and would not calm down or listen to reason. I even threatened to call his family to inform them of his unbalanced mental state which I thought was a result of work stress.

[ArmySpouse]

That is so .. Wow..

My thought was that maybe that look is also from what's going on in the brain. I thought exactly about "addiction" of some sort- well the "in love"-addiction he has right now contributes.
According to his family (when he visited them for a weekend (cause they live on the east coast and they dont see him very often also cause his army job and being gone.. I think we see them 1 or 2 times a year max)- they said he was weird and off behaving.. Not himself.. Jittery and nervous and jumpy at times.. Then he disappeared and when back it was better but still not normal. I think he then got his "fix"- her.. On the phone.

He is in reply so that matches perfectly!

And when his mom was here and he came over his eyes were normal that time. So I noticed that too..

When he has them it's when he says those things like "go get a boyfriend I don't care" .. Or "I won't come back"... So makes sense too. Although he has said weird subconscious things too when he was "there" meaning clear eyes..

I thought the actual depression state hits later. But from what you are telling me there is always some of it present in all stages??

[lawprofessor]

Yes, there is depression throughout the journey.  The actual stage of Depression is unlike anything you have ever seen as to the depth of depression and pain.  It was one of the mist awful soul sucking things I have ever seen firsthand. 

As to the shark eyes, mine had them as well.  It was like looking in to an abyss.  I stared and searched for him in there but only saw the demon.  Its strange but in the pictures I saw of him taken during that time, most people commented on his "crazy eyes" . 

Best, LP

[Trying to hold on]

Hi I saw those eyes - steel grey holes
So scary I stared into them looking for something -
There was nothing. I had no idea it wasn't only my H
Stay strong but go with your heart

[ArmySpouse]

Yes, there is depression throughout the journey.  The actual stage of Depression is unlike anything you have ever seen as to the depth of depression and pain.  It was one of the mist awful soul sucking things I have ever seen firsthand. 

As to the shark eyes, mine had them as well.  It was like looking in to an abyss.  I stared and searched for him in there but only saw the demon.  Its strange but in the pictures I saw of him taken during that time, most people commented on his "crazy eyes" . 

Best, LP

 oh my God I'm getting goosebumps right now ! !

Because I can even see it on pictures!! that is exactly what I told my mother-in-law the other day when I looked at the photos that have been taken during that day (her wedding day) and the weekend..
 I can clearly see it and she even said "yes he's off he's not there" and I said that is true and soooo true!!not sure if other people can see it  or if it's just if you know what you're looking for you will but maybe later on others will recognize too.  I just told her whenever she gets her professional pictures done to have let me have a look at it and see if you was off that entire day ..

She said also when the priest gave the ceremony speech with the two of them in front of the altar- that my husband was very jittery and really uncomfortable..  Maybe due to the stuff you already did and bad and guilt inside of him he didn't want to be there but again it was his mother ..

 I am wondering if he will see that later on to in a couple of years when he's done with this journey.. The crazy eyes on the pictures..

 As to that depression:
That is the only thing that I'm really worried about because he's military ...and the stuff that he has seen ..I hope he really gets help during that time- somebody that is there for him ...because I won't anymore, I will be gone at that time... so somebody needs to be with him And to help and guide him through so he doesn't do anything stupid if that state is so bad from what you are saying..


 Are some of them open to therapy at that time or counseling or some kind of doctor to help them through it or is it still a state of denial ??

[bipolared]

Are some of them open to therapy at that time or counseling or some kind of doctor to help them through it or is it still a state of denial ??

Mine would sometimes say there was something wrong with him but would not go to anyone if I suggested.  Most of the time he would deny it.  Even now, our marriage counselor suggested he had depression and advised medication but he refuses to take pills.  I think they are just in such a state of denial that they refuse to listen to anyone else-they only will be around people that validate them.

[ArmySpouse]

Are some of them open to therapy at that time or counseling or some kind of doctor to help them through it or is it still a state of denial ??

Mine would sometimes say there was something wrong with him but would not go to anyone if I suggested.  Most of the time he would deny it.  Even now, our marriage counselor suggested he had depression and advised medication but he refuses to take pills.  I think they are just in such a state of denial that they refuse to listen to anyone else-they only will be around people that validate them.

Yes I think he wouldn't take it either when I suggested therapy the first time (and I said I wish he would just get help) he said the typical army response ( of course I am the bad person so he wouldn't take it either)  " I would rather shoot myself in the head and going to therapy "..
  But if he really goes through another two years through replay stage maybe he does have enough at the end and goes and seek out help .. I really do ..

 Did anybody already sincerely get an apology (where they are aware of the stuff that they have done)from their MLCer about stuff  in "replay" or doesn't usually happen in the "depression"- stage ??

[Passiflora]

Hi,
LP, I've read your thread and it looks like you have done a lot of studying about this and seen the depression "develop" into this "deeper" level first hand.

Is it possible for you to describe it some more?

Is it OK to put up a photo on this thread, if you "mask it" and just show the eyes? I've not seen my H since october but I saw some photos taken aprox 2 months ago and the eyes are still dead/sad/empty/angry. I've been trying to explain this "dead look" to my SIL and a female friend, well they look like "eyes of a fish" but when they saw the eyes now, they finally got what I was talking about! Also the lips are straight or a little bit down.

My 0.02 why not so many see this, is when "they" mask their depression with a fake smile, you don't notice the deadness so much but if you cover the fake smile in a photo and just look at their eyes, they are still dead even if they have a fake smile on.

I met a guy 2-3 months ago, he started to hit on me  but after a few minutes he started to tell me cause he just told me he was divorced, "we grow apart the last 10 years" BIG red flag for me and he also explained he had been depressed another BIG red flag  anyway, I asked him what his depression felt like. I started like I just was interested in mental health. He said he first thought he had cancer, no no he was not depressed, but he told me about his suicide thoughts etc. I asked more since I really would like to get some kind of understanding as to how it really felt. I then told him my H is depressed now and gave him a short version. He stopped talking to me about this at that point. It was like he knew that I knew, exactly everything that he had done (the script) like I can't fool her with lies or anything, "she knows to much" kind of feeling.

[kikki]

Did anybody already sincerely get an apology (where they are aware of the stuff that they have done)from their MLCer about stuff  in "replay" or doesn't usually happen in the "depression"- stage ??

My MLCer used to have a lot of awareness, the first couple of years in particular.  He apologised a great deal, and then just carried on, as before. Compelled to go deeper and deeper into lala land.