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B
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Discussion Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#70: June 28, 2013, 03:00:51 PM
Thank you, you two.
It's pretty much what I have been doing then. My patience is wearing thin now though. I must work on that, it is a virtue after all...and time to start adding boundaries, too, I guess. He's starting to take the Mikey out of my goodness, I think.
I'm in bed now so I shall go off to read the RCR's articles you've suggested, SD....for the umpteenth time...It will all go in one day  ;D
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'Nothing worth having comes easy'
BD oct 1st 2012. 2 teens- 2 Dogs. Together 16 years, not married. No OW in sight. Foo issues a go-go.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#71: June 28, 2013, 03:01:22 PM
Thanks, Kiki :-*
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'Nothing worth having comes easy'
BD oct 1st 2012. 2 teens- 2 Dogs. Together 16 years, not married. No OW in sight. Foo issues a go-go.
B
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#72: June 29, 2013, 08:10:21 AM
Attention needed on my thread, please :)
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'Nothing worth having comes easy'
BD oct 1st 2012. 2 teens- 2 Dogs. Together 16 years, not married. No OW in sight. Foo issues a go-go.
a
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#73: June 29, 2013, 10:45:34 AM
The option to 'modify' my posts is not showing up - could somebody please attach my old thread to my new one?  Thank you!

Old: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3670.0;all

New: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3702.0

Edit - DONE - The modify button only works for either 90 mins or 120 mins I am not sure which.
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« Last Edit: June 29, 2013, 10:51:05 AM by OldPilot »
M
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#74: June 29, 2013, 11:24:47 PM
Having a hard time and could use some attention on my thread, please.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3608.0

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The very purpose of our life is happiness, which is sustained by hope. We have no guarantee about the future, but we exist in the hope of something better. Hope means keeping going, thinking, ‘I can do this.’ It brings inner strength, self-confidence, the ability to do what you do honestly, truthfully and transparently.  The Dalai Lama
S
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#75: June 30, 2013, 12:02:58 PM
I need help now. After argument with S last night, H has walked out and said that he will not come home again as S15 declared him to be a non father and the sole cause all his anger issues and will only see him if S wants him to. Now there is some truth in this but I cannot bear the thought of the two men I love most being so angry with each other. Nor can I bear the thought of H being so horrible when I know he would lay down his life for his son. H was absolutely devastated at S's comments as was I.
Advice please.
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BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017.
Separated 2022 (my choice because he wanted to live alone) and yet fully reconnected seeing each other often.
t
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#76: June 30, 2013, 12:50:58 PM
I'm sorry that has happened.  I am not sure there is anything you can do.  Let your husband work through it and see if he comes back or not but otherwise just stay out of the way.  As the sane parent, we see the destruction the MLC causes to our kids and it is heart wrenching.  My kids are younger than your son so they don't express to their dad the hurt he is causing and it KILLS me that he can't see it.  As hard as it is, I believe the best thing to do is let them work out their relationship themselves.  Your son's words to his dad were how he feels and he threw some pretty hefty truth darts.  They may or may not sink in with your H while he is in crisis.  Their relationship is between the two of them and theirs to maintain or not.  I know it is horrible to watch.   :( 
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S
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#77: June 30, 2013, 12:51:00 PM
Further to this I had to stop S from sending a reply stating how much he hated H for everything he had done and wanted nothing more to do with him. He also wanted to give H an ultimatum to stop the affair or lose S for ever. He's 15 and shouldn't have to be going through this.  I knew that this would push H who has been feeling suicidal over the edge so pleaded and  persuaded S to tone it right down.
S has now sent text saying that he needs space from H and that the next time they talk should be in front of someone like a counsellor/therapist which S will be seeing soon. He has also told H that if he comes home (which he will have to as he works from home) that he should give S space and privacy and keep all contact to a minimum.
Why don't these MLCers see what they are doing to their children??? I hate MLC so much!
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BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017.
Separated 2022 (my choice because he wanted to live alone) and yet fully reconnected seeing each other often.
t
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#78: June 30, 2013, 12:56:09 PM
Quote
Why don't these MLCers see what they are doing to their children??? I hate MLC so much!

I know.  :( Me too.  The kids are just collateral damage.  While we didn't do anything to cause their MLC, we understand on some level why they do the things they do.  The kids are just hurt by the actions of the MLCer.

Quote
S has now sent text saying that he needs space from H and that the next time they talk should be in front of someone like a counsellor/therapist which S will be seeing soon. He has also told H that if he comes home (which he will have to as he works from home) that he should give S space and privacy and keep all contact to a minimum.

I don't think that is such a bad thing.  I'm glad your son will be seeing a therapist as it sounds like he has a lot of hurt he needs to work through (very understandably!).  I think trying to direct your son away from lashing out at his dad any further is good. 
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Re: Ask a Mentor 4
#79: June 30, 2013, 01:05:17 PM
Quote from: Songanddance on June 30, 2013, 12:51:00 PM
Why don't these MLCers see what they are doing to their children??? I hate MLC so much!
How unfortunately true.  Everyone has always said what a good dad my H has been but he now seems clueless or just doesn't care what this is doing to them.  He thinks since they are all 3 older(25, 23, 20) that they should be able to handle this and is actually doing us all a favor for having waited and put off his happiness.  D-23 truly can't stand him and the other 2 although a bit more civil to him confide in me how upset they are with him.  Initially tried to get him to see that his relationship with them will never be the same and how will he feel when grandkids start coming, but he just stated that would be up to them, he just wants to be "happy". 
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