[echarle1]

Hi HDIC

Think we have all felt like you at somepoint, just wishing the pain and hurt goes away.

From what i have been told - as my H has done the same, cant cope with what he has done bla bla bla - Ok so why atill do it? i love you wish we could have it back , right back to its all your fault


i dont think they know what they want - temptation and feel good factor from OW , you really do need to focus on you and take your self out of this situation "detatch" it really does help , you then done seem to get effected by their cycling.

try keep your chin up and stay positive we are all here for you 

[panda]

NEW QUESTION:

Will my H continue to view me as 'the problem' as long as he remains living here?  Will this halt his progress through the tunnel?

I am concerned that my refusal to let him extend the mortgage to give him his 'freedom' money will be seen by him as a way of me 'clinging' to him.  Whereas in fact I am trying to protect us all

Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated.  I only know of one story of re-connection with a live in/never left.

Answered on your thread. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3762.0;all

[Stillpraying]

PROTECT YOURSELF and YOUR FAMILY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't worry at all about what he thinks.  Make sure you are protected financially.  That's the first advice I had off the forum (by my BIL whose dad left) and on the forum.  (Check out my first thread).

If they leave you need to protect yourself and if they come back that's best for you all also.
Hugs,
SP

[Songanddance]

Panda - agree with Still Praying.
Protect yourself and children too. What he is doing is co-ercing you with emotional blackmail. If you give in where will it end?
Perhaps you need to develop a phrase that you keep repeating to him something like " If you wish to leave then do so but I will not jeopardise the house or the children's future by paying for you to go."
Or " the mortgage and our children's future is not up for negotiation. If you don't like it here then leave of your own free will. But I will not financially enable you to go"
Then repeat it ad nauseum every time he monsters or brings up the subject until he knows you cannot be moved on this. It means not responding in other ways if he tries to twist it. Stick with the phrase that you are comfortable with.
How many times have you said the same phrase over and over to your children when they want something and they can't have it? Similar principle
Just a thought and supporting you in this horrid time.

[panda]

Stillpraying, SD,

Thankyou - believe me I have no intention of giving H any money out of the house....I am relieved it requires both signatures/agreement to do this.

I've told him on at least 3 occasions, if he wants to leave, then go.  I am not getting myself into debt for his adultery.
He says he will be here, and I quote 'for years'.......... don't believe it at all.

However, I was more concerned whether he would be feeling like I am trapping him thereby keeping his hatred of me going for longer and halting his progress to self reflection.  Calamity answered on my thread that whatever I do does not really make a difference - I guess they are so far gone in la la land that they haven't a clue whats going on anyway!!!

[echarle1]

Panda, you will be blamed whatever you do while they are on the crazy train.... Do whatever YOU want to do x 

[Snowdrop]

Have a question please.  Without sounding like a needy MLC wife, oh well, why not eh?

Posted this last week on the thread I started, but as I don't often get feedback (not that I expect it and that is more than okay), which is fine, as I find this so therapeutic whether anyone "talks" to me or not  , thought I would ask it over here on Ask a Mentor.  Thank you in advance. 

I read a lot about the MCLer "running" on here, so I get that they are running away from responsibilities and themselves, but anyone know how they physically feel?  Is it a sense of something like claustrophobia or not feeling okay in one's skin, and the physical sense to "run"?  My lovely H is like Forrest Gump when it comes to running, just keeps on going.

I am so curious, like we all are, to just try and think about how it feels inside their heads.   I understand confusion and need to run, and acting young, and no empathy or sympathy for anything or anyone outside of themselves, except for OW/OM, which is so odd that they CAN feel something, and wonder if it is a sense of impending doom or voices or just not well. 

My H has left on more than one occasion, and the one last time was for a week or so, and he came back with promises never to do it again.....until again last year.  On the morning of the day he left last time, and the night before he left this time, he actually physically looked like his face was from a horror movie, he looked possessed. I know many of us have seen that look, but it is very creepy isn't it.  If I had a picture of it now, I think many would not recognize that as H.  It really was like something took over his body and mind.

Well, thats enough about him for the day, that's my quota, time to move onto kinder things, and things which make more sense!!

Answered on your thread:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3697.0;all#lastPost

[trusting]

I don't know how they physically feel, but my H has at times shared enough for me to know a bit about what was going on in his head.  About four months pre-BD, when I first started noticing the absolutely huge change in him, one night he just broke and told me there was something terrible happening in his head and he didn't know what and he didn't know what to do about it.  I think he meant that the confusion was very intense. He really didn't get too specific.  I do know also that it is a very dark place in their minds.  The only thing they can figure out to do to try to stop the pain is to run and try everything they can to stop it.  I don't know if that helps or not.  He has told me enough hear and there to know that I am GLAD that I am not the one in MLC. 

[Songanddance]

My H has said that he feels broken. He is convinced he has early stage alzheimers and cannot remember things, focus, wants to feel happy but doesn't know how except for OW, feels compelled to do things, only has negative thoughts about me and our marriage and he feels so much pressure inside his head he thinks he is going to implode.
That did not all come out at one time - I've just put pieces together. But what I do know is that he is frightened of not being in control and he is aware of hurting me and he has told other people that he knows what he is doing is wrong but he cannot help it. It's an urge...

[echarle1]

My h started being anxious and had to get out of the house . He then once came in from drives and cried and said "i think im having a breakdown" he soon forgot about that....