[Dontgiveup]

Thanks R2T. He will be married to her soon.  Ugh!  I know you have had some personal experience with this. I know you don't know for sure but from your vantage point, did he just cut me out of his life and move on as my therapist says?  Is he just done and I'm a nuisance to him? Does he even think of me?

So here's a couple of things about MLC from my perspective.  Others may have differing views.

Yes, your MLCer is "trying" to cut you out of his life.  The key word is "trying".  MLC is a regression.  He wants a "do over"....we hear many MLCers say they want a "new life".  My MLCer said exactly that, as did my friend's MLCer.  Basically the MLCer will regress to the developmental wounding and attempt a "do over'.

RCR has an excellent explanation of this in the article Initiatory Experience.
MLC is the result of significant wounding in childhood and at a person's initiatory experience and thus their return to the wounding is a regression wherein they choose to repeat their earlier mistakes in hopes of correcting them rather than applying their experience to make different choices.

Regarding what your therapist has said, I would hope your therapist would be focusing on you, your coping and your growth.  My thought would be to leave learning about MLC behavior to resources that understand it.

Keep in mind MLC is a process and he will cycle somewhere between one and a zillion times between now and the completion of the crisis down the road.  I think an understanding of this can help the LBS detach and not get caught up in wondering what their MLCer is thinking or doing today.....or tomorrow.....or the next day.

And yes, I understand very well about the MLCer marrying the alienator, both personally and with a very close friend.  My belief is as simple as this.....if the MLCer were capable of truly being in a relationship, it would be with the LBS.

Let them have their crisis.

[Broken Open]

Trusting, R2T, DGU

Thank you very much for the responses and perspective. It was very helpful and provided some much needed insight into the MLC process.  I am really working hard on myself, however, it's hard to focus on me when I'm watching a car wreck occur in front of my eyes.  It seems like understanding what he is going through is intertwined with my healing process.  I don't know if I can successfully navigate the second without understanding the first. This forum has helped me tremendously and continues to do so. Thank you for helping me.   

[Dontgiveup]

It seems like understanding what he is going through is intertwined with my healing process.  I don't know if I can successfully navigate the second without understanding the first.

I believe this to be correct also.  Here's some insight from RCR about that, from the article on Acceptance.

Acceptance in its intellectual form is about recognizing the process. For many this includes self-education about MLC, its root causes and recent triggers and thus recognizing that regardless of your flaws and indiscretions, his MLC is not your fault. If the fault is not yours, neither is the solution.

I also believe it is good to use discernment in the resources from which you get information about MLC.  I explored many available resources, then began to narrow down the ones I trusted and seemed most accurate.

[Broken Open]

Thank you DGU.  Very helpful and comforting. 

[OldPilot]

New thread

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3809.0