[superdog]

Oh dear, where is the checklist?

I am afraid that sarcasm seems to be something I have to work on, but then maybe not cos it makes me laugh. My dad said once that sarcasm was the lowest form of wit, yet also the most effective. When my h did the staring and silence after a question I would say, h "would it be better if I just kept to the quantum physics questions and then you could maybe answer before it got dark"

 He would have that face you do when someone asks you a really hard math sum and you are working it out in your head.

Got to say that most of the listed quotes here always come when they are " in love" elsewhere when they are all certain of not being alone and don't care how you receive these quotes. No decent person would break up like this if you had any respect. You would want to do it gently. Might have been more teenage to have sent a text saying " your chucked I've got a new bird".

Don't ya just love em.

Sd
X

[freegirl]

Here is what h has said to me in past 3 months:

1.  He wants his freedom and doesn't believe in marriage (and never getting married again)
2.  I am too controlling - generally and as it relates to him taking care of te kids
3.  He needs financial freedom (hence the opening up of new credit cards)
4.  He is emotionally detached from me
5.  He only wants to be a co-parent with me
6.  He has been unhappy for 2 (or 7 - he changes his mind on that) years
7.  I tore up an old letter he wrote me in 2006
8.  He held back in his career so I could work more
9.  He never wants to be physical with me again (one day he might be able to hug me he says)
10.  He will only leave if he can have house as comfortable as ours
11.  I got him out of his last depression (1998)
12.  He wants me to be happy
13.  He is not angry and does not blame me for anything but then rattles off a long list of bad things I have done over the years and continues to say this is all my fault
14.  Wants to go on spring break as a family next year
15.  He doesn't want to hurt me by telling me these things
16.  The spark is gone
17.  Tells my close friend that I will be able to find someone else and he realizes it will be harder for him because he is balding and gray haired
18.  Asks me why I haven't taken off my "silly" wedding bands (he took his band off a few months ago)
19.  Says I am self destructing because the stress of all of this has caused me to lose 15 lbs in only a few months

[I reckon so]

My W said she has never been happy in our marriage of 20 years. She said I was a poor provider, controlling, abusive and that she had zero respect for me. I asked why for 20 years did you say you loved me, were grateful that I worked so hard and was a good provider, that you were so blessed to have me as your husband, that I brought the best out in you? Why did you say the opposite of what you are saying for 20 years? My W said it was because she was worried that if she told me the truth I would not make it. I needed her to support me and encourage me or else I would go off the deep end. She did it in hopes that I would believe it and would make something of myself. It did not work so I am leaving you. .

[Gone crazy]

I never said I didn't love you!
You need to go find a good Christian man, that's not me
I feel more like myself then I have in years
I tried to tell you, but you never listen
I have never doubted your love
Do you really love me or just my provider ship!
You clean too much
We have nothing in common
You don't like my fat a$$ sitting in chair watching tv
You don't like football
I didn't leave you for another woman ( yet the confrontation was bomb drop)
You don't respect me
You never wear anything for me to bed
My favorite as he is walking out the door.. Yeah it's all me, me, me!

Even the dog tiptoes around me!  Yeah bc your crazy!
Maybe I will die old lonely man in nursing home!... Ya think?
She doesn't bit$!

I'll never get married again.
You were never happy.

[LaughLoveLive]

The same old, same old is so interesting isn't it!

I got:
You keep the house too tidy (He just needed  to look around to know that wasn't true!)
This is not about you it's about me
You're a good person
I don't know what the future holds and it scares me
I don't think you're happy either
I want to assure you I have stayed inside this marriage (lovely romantic way to declare and faithfulness and a lie anyway!)
It's difficult to do....(anything that involves responsibility)
Things are only going to get more complicated

And lots of others but its making me sad to remember them so I will stop. Their complaints are all just so ridiculous, there is no substance to them. however, there is a little insight into their pain and that I do find useful.

[toughtimes]

My W said she has never been happy in our marriage of 20 years. She said I was a poor provider, controlling, abusive and that she had zero respect for me. I asked why for 20 years did you say you loved me, were grateful that I worked so hard and was a good provider, that you were so blessed to have me as your husband, that I brought the best out in you? Why did you say the opposite of what you are saying for 20 years? My W said it was because she was worried that if she told me the truth I would not make it. I needed her to support me and encourage me or else I would go off the deep end. She did it in hopes that I would believe it and would make something of myself. It did not work so I am leaving you. .

I reckon so, this is familiar script. My h gave me a card just after our wedding in 2007 saying "being with you makes me a better person" he also said it in his wedding speech. When I found out about ow the script was spewed out in one long diatribe, I held him back, he's half the man he could have been, it's a crime to the universe to be this unhappy ... He went on and on and then intermittently until October 2012 when I stopped talking to him about anything related to us and our R. The advice we get here is spot on, NO relationship talk and BELIEVE NONE OF WHAT THEY SAY! We all hear the same thing, none of it is true.

[emerging_butterfly]

This thread is awesome...I can't believe I didn't see it before now!    I will have to go back and read through it in its entirety, but for now, I'll share  probably my very favorite WTF statement from my H.

This was about a month or so after BD, and he wanted to sit down and discuss "us." He got himself nice and drunk first, because as we all know, it's always a good idea to get inebriated before having a serious discussion.  So, in the course of discussing OW situation, he said, "I know that we love each other, and we work really well together. But OW and I connected too. I'm afraid that if I come back, that I might regret not giving her a chance; that I might have thrown away something great."  What I wanted to say in return was, "Wow, H - maybe you're right! Maybe I should leave S with you for a while, so that I can fly off to the UK and meet up with Jarvis Cocker again. Because, you know, that 30 minutes we spent talking to each other...man, there was a real connection there! Maybe I'm missing out on something great!" What I actually said was...nothing. Because, honestly, how do you even respond to something that ridiculous?

[superdog]

Can anyone explain this one.....

H- I can't stand it when people don't like me, but if you resent me then I am fine with that because to resent me you have at least taken me into account and I am happy with that" what?

Me- what planet are you on? Pretty much that means I do not like you at all!

H- like I said I can live with you resenting me.

How can you even twist that logic

Sd
X

[OldPilot]

It probably has nothing to do with you and more to do with his mother and childhood.

Since I know nothing about that maybe you do, although I am sure you did not cause it or have anything to do with his mother and his childhood?
Correct?

Can anyone explain this one.....

H- I can't stand it when people don't like me, but if you resent me then I am fine with that because to resent me you have at least taken me into account and I am happy with that" what?

Me- what planet are you on? Pretty much that means I do not like you at all!

H- like I said I can live with you resenting me.

How can you even twist that logic

Sd
X

[superdog]

Hi OP,

Yes he had mummy issues for sure. Do you mean that him saying to be resented means you have attachment to the feelings associated with resentment is better than having none at all for him?
Indifference towards him really gets to him.

Sd
X