[panda]

REPLAY - in RCRs documents she states that Replay cannot progress until the MLCer thinks the relationship/marriage is over (BD).  Does this mean if someone spent a considerable amount of time in Replay before BD, that time spent counts?  Do they process anything during this time?

Counts towards what?

Who can have the longest time mlcer?

OP - I hope I don't win that award 

What I mean is, in Replay prior to BD, are they in the tunnel (I thought so), or is there only progression after BD, when they think the marriage is over.  Does that make sense?

[OldPilot]

REPLAY - in RCRs documents she states that Replay cannot progress until the MLCer thinks the relationship/marriage is over (BD).  Does this mean if someone spent a considerable amount of time in Replay before BD, that time spent counts?  Do they process anything during this time?

Counts towards what?

Who can have the longest time mlcer?

OP - I hope I don't win that award 

What I mean is, in Replay prior to BD, are they in the tunnel (I thought so), or is there only progression after BD, when they think the marriage is over.  Does that make sense?

Yes they are in the tunnel, but there is all sorts of places that they can get stuck or make a wrong turn and go down a cheese less portion.
So I think that was RCR's point about what she wrote.
Sometimes to progress things must look like they are getting worse.

As we mentioned earlier in this thread replay and the crisis itself normally starts before bomb drop.
Its just when that happens we really get the idea that something is wrong!

[panda]

Thanks OP - I think my H went to OW simply because he tried everything else (ie new sports car, hobbies, drinking, old friends, new MLC friends, clubbing, camping etc) and since that didn't work he came to the conclusion it was ME. 

I am not sure there are many more avenues he can explore, unless of course, another OW.

[limitless]

I think I remember reading something that RCR wrote regarding the time before BD (DGU?  If I didn't dream it, I'm sure you could find it).

I think she stated that the time before BD isn't progressive.  I guess meaning that the time prior to BD - the MLCer has not yet moved forward in the tunnel.

Time is counted after BD.  I remember early on this being very important to me.  Trying to figure out how long my sentence was.   

Counts towards what?

Who can have the longest time mlcer?

I love OP's comment here. 

He is right.

As time progresses, and the MLCer gets "worse" - the LBS will stop (should stop?) looking at the timeline...and accept it for what it is.

I thought because my ExH had spent a long time getting to the point where he walked (ran) out the door - it meant that some (much?) of his Replay time was spent prior to BD.  Well, here it is 3+ years later and from all appearances he stays firmly entrenched in Replay.  (OW#3)

Mine was a Wallower.  He took FOREVER to do anything.  (Still does). 

I do believe the high energy MLCers burn out quicker (quick, being a relative term) - but can then spend more time in Depression and Withdrawal.  Or....get some more energy and find a new OW. 

This is an interesting thread......and I continue to read all the new posts.  But, quite honestly, the watched pot ain't going to boil anytime soon.  (Believe me...I know this).

I also believe that 2 years is a very short Replay stage.

Limitless

[PatienceGalore]

Limitless, you scare me! I am in month 9, and I have just been told he wants space, not ready to reconcile that I should let him go, etc...I thought he's be home by Christmas, 2013, not 2023! Help!

[limitless]

Limitless, you scare me! I am in month 9, and I have just been told he wants space, not ready to reconcile that I should let him go, etc...I thought he's be home by Christmas, 2013, not 2023! Help!

Sorry.  I don't mean to scare you.

I can only speak regarding my MLCer.  He is slow...slow.

That is not necessarily true for others....so don't be scared.

My girlfriend used to tell me that he'd be home by Christmas.  I guess I just never asked "what year?"

There are LBS on this site with reconnecting spouses.....I don't mean to be doom and gloom.

Sorry....don't let me scare you.

Limitless

[panda]

Thanks Limitless - thats very helpful.  I will try and have a look for the thread you mention.

The thing is, I have mentioned this before on my thread- I had all sorts of comments made to me back in 2011 which I have taken for a BD also.   After this, he went off on all these activities, new purchases etc - I just don't know when his particular 'tunnel journey' started.  I know I should not be thinking about it, but I am trying to timeline aswell.  He was certainly not as bad then as he is now, but monster has definately subsided.

[PatienceGalore]

I was kidding Limitless, I was not scared...truly...but my H also is a slow mover, in everything, procrastinated over which type of paint to get for a room....would drive me to distraction. So if paint can be slow to choose, God help me with this!

[in it]

Counts towards what?

Who can have the longest time mlcer?

I'm not looking for a medal or a trophy but how does 30 years sound.

This one isn't MLC though,

 If you folks had really decent people for Husbands or Wives before this BD?.. I really have no idea what that loss has to be like.

[Albatross]

REPLAY starts when MLCer become disconnected from the WORLD, and start to run from own shadow. How can do it ? Only if FOG exists, fantasy world, he enter into tunnel. That point in MLCer path for majority LBS-es is still undetectable.

What majority LBS must recognize is bomb drop. It is literally BOOOOM !