[in it]

We pulled apart when things got difficult rather than pulling together.

This same thing happened to us also. I saw the problem a long time ago but he would fight me over every suggestion. The HARD times are supposed to PULL YOU TOGETHER NOT APART. I told him this once when I went back up there to try to deal with this.

I met some one who had lost a child and said the anguish of that brought them TOGETHER even more than they were before.

Our relationship never suffered a loss like that. And it definitely wouldn't have survived that either. I thought about that later.

I think we all exhibit personality disorder traits at different times.

Of course we do ...or we would all be robots.


BPD sounds a bit like me when my pms was really severe and I had been out drinking, in my twenties!!! I grew out of the angry outbursts ... Does that make it personality disorder? If I was personality disordered would I be able to hide these traits from my kids or my family or my close friends Or my colleagues? Can you grow out of a personality disorder or does it stay with you forever?

I think you can grow if you can look at yourself and see something you don't like yourself or view as a weakness.

These diagnosis are really messed up most of the time. I think they are labeled so we might be able to understand them..then they don't seem so unidentifiable and scary.

Doesn't matter. You have to look at yourself and how you've dealt with life conditions.

Then if you want to go the next step try to see how whatever happened to them effected them.

Then the understanding of how all of this happened might be clearer.

Foo issues have a lot to do with all of this also.

If these were perfect situations these would all be life transitions Not Crisis's.

Two people would find each other after kids are grown and gone and find new hobbies etc to do with each other.

[Anjae]

BLOG

"Monster is not typically a state an MLCer lives in for the entire crisis or even all of Escape & Avoid. Monster is a self-preservation strategy rather than a delight in cruelty. If you recognize these behaviors, but they have been present for an extended uninterrupted period and the motivation seems to be to delight in cruelty, you may be dealing with something more serious than MLC"

Yes, except that, if that was not there before it cannot be a personality disorder because those do no turn up in adulthood. They turn up during teem and early 20's but mostly teens.

However mood disorders: depression, bipolar, schizophrenia can turn up at any age.

Mine has never delight in cruelty before. He has since. Or at least that is what is seem to me see him do since a while into his crisis. It may be self preservation, who knows? he has been on Replay for so long that I kind of find it hard that he still manages Replay behaviour.

Me and Mr J had always been pulled together when things get tough. In fact, things were far from the though we had been through when he left. Maybe inside him they have never been worst but in life terms they have.

[in it]

Well I met him when he was about 21. Had a break up with a girlfriend about his age. She broke up with him.

Then he started "dating"  16 year old whose mother was going through a divorce. So he was the "babysitter" for her.

His mom had breast cancer back the but he had no real relationship with them due the humiliation his father caused him mostly.

And that what he LOVES to inflict HUMILIATION.

 And I just don't buy that emotion and never have. I did for a while three years ago when exow entered the picture  but NO MORE. He could even start seeing her again or somebody else and I couldn't care LESS.

He's got more issues than I care to address; his entitled attitude comes from BOTH of his parents.

[Albatross]

Recall from Your memories is Your spouse, before hit crisis, had one personality for the home and family, and a lot different for rest of the world.

[in it]

Yeah- no kidding doesn't everyone?

No one usually acts the same exact way in front of everyone. I know what friends I can say do or be what with but the one underlying thing is I try to stay TRUE to the person I am. I try to be honest and someone people can TRUST.

These two things IMHO are what at least a person I would want in my life to be able to be.

And if something MAJOR happened to destroy that for me? I would hope that person would be emotionally invested enough that they would have found some kind of value in the person I am to not want to lose the relationship.

I didn't expect someone to sacrifice who they are to "make it up" to me. SOME kind of remorse or sincere gesture would have been just fine.

However I was made no promises by the former Mlcer that any relationship was possible.

 He told me " He had nothing left"

 And as time went on I discovered EVERY emotion he ever had whether it was compassion, empathy, concern, caring or anything else that might have helped what was not happening in the relationship he had given to the exow.

I remember the day I realized it I said to him " My God you gave her everything"

But now I wonder if he ever really did have those emotions to begin with - but even as I type this the wonder simply disappears.

I don't care there's really no animosity involved with it I just know if I can't count on a person to be somewhat honest and caring and have SOME consideration I'm just not interested in having a relationship with them.

I've had enough toxic people in my life to recognize them..it either just took me a long time to see it or I refused to due to having kids and thinking he'd " mature".

[Lovebystanding]

There cud be another side to MLCers who have lived a life of accomodation all their lives
and feel that it is time to change and choose for themselves ...for eg
is it  possible that some MLcers marry the person that they parents wud approve of rather than one whom they wud prefer and once the parents pass away or hv alzeihmers they make the transition.
Which means they have worn a mask all those years in the marriage....like those who were gay married the opposite sex ,had children and later in life came out and made the transition.

Wud this be MLC?

[in it]

Which means they have worn a mask all those years in the marriage....like those who were gay married the opposite sex ,had children and later in life came out and made the transition.

Wud this be MLC?

I don't know..I have a friend who's relative came out of the closest and they are in thier late 40's . They were married and had children; the H never saw it coming.

It so hard to believe someone can wear a "mask" for the long term but I guess there must be people out there that do and can.

 Something happens for them to blow a gasket and create this kind of devastation. I think it's a combination of a lot of things. And a fear of mortality seems to lead the way...the "running out of time" thing.

[Albatross]

People with pathological PD cannot sustain long therm relationship except they find partner whit who they can play their twisted dance. ie spouse is codependent. Like narcissist and codependent narcissist. Anyway healthy spouse cannot live long period of time with someone who have PD. PD person simply suck up from You all Your emotional energy and then when You become zombie, they kick You out into dumpster. And show true face to You cold blood killer face, You are simply history for them, expired, done for good. That is called narcissistic rage. They don't got from You anymore eliksir of life... narcissistic supply.
There is no MLC for them, and their decision is final. You are history. 

   

[in it]

People with pathological PD cannot sustain long therm relationship except they find partner whit who they can play their twisted dance. ie spouse is codependent. Like narcissist and codependent narcissist. Anyway healthy spouse cannot live long period of time with someone who have PD. PD person simply suck up from You all Your emotional energy and then when You become zombie, they kick You out into dumpster. And show true face to You cold blood killer face, You are simply history for them, expired, done for good. That is called narcissistic rage. They don't got from You anymore eliksir of life... narcissistic supply.
There is no MLC for them, and their decision is final. You are history.

Oh no they or not ..they are NOT DONE especially if they have a tie to you in the form of CHILDREN.

 They keep the games up for a LONG AS POSSIBLE. They have lost thier favorite toy in the codependent ...thier FEED and they really will do just about anything NOT TO LOSE THAT.

I can only WISH I was history and someone to be left alone. THAT's why I have to be really really really strong right now.

 Trouble is he has three other people to set that FEED up with..it won't be the same as ME BUT it might sustain him. That's what scares me his  influence on my daughters.

[Albatross]

Then he haven't any PD if you say like You say.