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Author Topic: Interacting with Your MLCer No Contact

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Interacting with Your MLCer Re: No Contact
#60: January 06, 2014, 03:29:09 PM
My only advise would be a little careful how you treat co-parenting logistics when it comes to the children. Avoid drama when it comes to their well being as best you can.
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Surrender to the Flow

Together- 15yrs /  Married-11yrs
Two Daughters 5 + 6
BD 10/25/13
Divorced as of 4/1/14

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Re: No Contact
#61: January 06, 2014, 03:41:45 PM
If there is NC there is no drama- this is the part where respect is learned and possibly a situation develops where kids see just how messed up the other parent is.

 AND protects me from any more disrespectful things being said and to deal with which will damage me beyond repair of possible future relationships with the D's..

This is my reason for simply not playing games with older kids.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

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Re: No Contact
#62: January 06, 2014, 04:28:04 PM
Thing is split if I give in she has me by the balls. Then everytime I do not dance to her tune I will be threatened by not seeing the kids.

I have never said I am not having the kids. I just said I will have no communication with her. That is what the threats were about. She said she will go to a solicitor this week for communication. This suits me as I would rather have a written agreement through a third party. Then ALL her power is gone and she will need to take her narcistic tendencies out on others. Also if I have to communicate in any way I know all my love for her will be gone. I mean its hanging by a thread anyway!

The situation with D15 is regretful but she needs to be stuck with her mother for a while without me being there as backup.

She is old enough to learn that treating her father with zero respect is not acceptable. I am sick of threats from W and lies from D15. My mother had an MLC at 40 when I was 12. She was gone over 10 years. I did not use it to my advantage and stuck with my father through it all. There is no excuse for D15 behaviour. She needs to be left alone for a while to realise that I am the one with her welfare at heart. I am hugely disappointed in her betrayal in this but of course I have forgiven her.........she still needs to stew a while though.
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My god this ride is bumpy but imagine the relief when we get off!

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Re: No Contact
#63: January 06, 2014, 06:41:10 PM
Yeah I hear you guys. Sorry I guess my comment is more relevant to my situation with young children. I'm sure teenagers are completely different and I can't really relate.
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« Last Edit: January 06, 2014, 06:57:02 PM by Split open and melt »
Surrender to the Flow

Together- 15yrs /  Married-11yrs
Two Daughters 5 + 6
BD 10/25/13
Divorced as of 4/1/14

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Re: No Contact
#64: January 06, 2014, 06:53:04 PM
    I use "do not initiate" when I have to, but for me luckily, when I said 'knock yourself out H, see the kids whenever you want" things changed. ::)

   Just my sitch, but I am glad to know that H even cares.
I was starting to think all circuits were fried.

   I don't feel that way anymore. I have a cordial mlcer who just decided 'we didn't work'  ::)

   I am glad I don't have to be NC with H for me.
   I told him "you don't want to be w/ me then I don't want to be w/ you either."

    H has free will.
    I have to allow for that.  :-\
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« Last Edit: January 06, 2014, 06:55:43 PM by Mamma Bear »

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Re: No Contact
#65: January 07, 2014, 02:36:44 PM
^
^
^
^
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

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Re: No Contact
#66: January 22, 2014, 01:06:05 AM
Bump
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

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  • Posts: 1066
  • Gender: Male
Re: No Contact
#67: January 22, 2014, 01:19:48 AM
Ugh! In It I need a 2x4, or make it a 4x8!!!

Way too much contact lately. Been playing nicecand talking a lot to try and make the D go smoother (mediation vs court)Tried playing happy family to see if it would draw us closer...and it did, she's telling me she loves me, but meanwhile is in bed with her boyfriend.

It's crushing me...I'm pulled right back in it, my heart hurts and my mind races, in wide awake at 1am, waking up dreaming of them together.

I need to hop back on the no contact train!!!
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Surrender to the Flow

Together- 15yrs /  Married-11yrs
Two Daughters 5 + 6
BD 10/25/13
Divorced as of 4/1/14

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Re: No Contact
#68: January 24, 2014, 05:35:29 PM
Indeed split open and melt no contact is healthier. I had a very hard time wrapping my head around that, it took me a very long time, more than two years before I finally "got it". Now I realize that maintaining contact allows him to mistreat me, to be cruel, and to act without empathy or concern. This is not healthy for him or for me to allow him to emotionally abuse me. MLCers do not care about our well being, they just contact us out of habit, and their motives are completely self centered.

I am currently no contact for two months, and I realize that I should not allow him to mistreat me, or to take advantage of me. I care about him, but he does not care about me, and I must protect myself from his coldness and his selfishness. If the extraterrestrials ever let him go...then perhaps we will talk.
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Re: No Contact
#69: January 25, 2014, 04:02:57 AM
Two months? You have a great start on this. I'm NC since July 2013. And things are so much better for me.

It's said this isn't the way to go for most here- then the rule of three is a good thing.

Don't respond to any communication right away. Wait 3 minutes, 3 days, 3 weeks..whatever may apply at the time to give you time to THINK and not react.

And when in doubt? Do nothing.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

 

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