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Author Topic: Discussion Affair dynamics: the real story | The Runaway Affair

L
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Discussion Re: Affair dynamics: the real story.
#30: November 25, 2013, 11:38:45 AM
I'm attaching to this thread because I need to read all the affair dynamics that gets posted here.  I really can't add anything to this as I have no true knowledge of my exH's current relationship.  I can say that the first OW was a manipulating, controlling, man "user".........her reputation.  The second OW was an old high school classmate and seemed like a decent woman but my exH had later shared with me that their relationship couldn't work because of all HIS problems. .....besides the fact they lived over 3 hours apart.  But now, with this new OW........other than her being 10 years older than my exH......I do not know anything about their relationship or what's going on.  I know they have been together close to a year.  I've only heard nice things about her from friends who worked with her.  Nothing negative. So, I think this might be a different relationship and it might be working.  Of course, I don't really know.  It does concern me a bit since I do not hear or know of anything.  I will say that I've seen a picture of them together (recently) and my exH doesn't look happy nor does he look healthy.  The only time I talked to him about her was back in March and I expressed that I felt like he was only with her because he and her both were lonely.  I believe he just couldn't find another OW so he hooked back up with her after he dumped her nearly two years ago (she was OW#3.....and now OW#4).  I feel as if since they are still together that she is just so willing and needy of having him that she will be the "yes" dear type and not cause any friction or drama.  She's just so happy to be attracted to a younger man.  I wonder how much longer that will last. 
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k
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Re: Affair dynamics: the real story.
#31: November 25, 2013, 11:44:24 AM
Great thread idea.  RCR's articles are spot on. 

It is as though the MLCers stop functioning except in the most prehistoric parts of their brain - it's all about survival and conquering (for the men) - with an overwhelming obsession to be with this other damaged person, and to 'save' them.  It is NOT love.  And it makes very little sense from the outside looking in.

It's all about how this other person makes them FEEL.  It's all about the MLCer - he is not actually interested in this other person's needs - but he/she will bend over backwards to placate their demands because in turn, it means that they continue to FEEL good because of the fawning and narcissistic supply of this other person.

The drama fuels them both - we are an integral part of their drama triangle.  Stay as far out of that triangle that they both want you to be in, as possible. Leave them alone to sink their own ship.  It takes a long time, but it will happen.
Anything based on lies and betrayals is not destined to be healthy, ever.





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Re: Affair dynamics: the real story.
#32: November 25, 2013, 11:47:15 AM
Read the articles....if ow isn't BPD before they get together, she sure as hell will turn into a controlling, fearful, needy shrew.....BECAUSE of the affair itself!! Read the articles.... 8)

P.S. He's just as bad.....but she's the one most likely to blow up his phone!! she sits around TERRIFIED that he is cheating on her with the wife!!! Just like WGH said.... ;)
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Re: Affair dynamics: the real story.
#33: November 25, 2013, 11:57:15 AM
Thanks, Kikki and LettingGo.  I sometimes forget these details.  When I read this it all makes sense to me.  I forgot about the lies and being deceitful......I feel pretty sure  my exH has probably lied to this OW.  My suspicions are that he never told her he was involved (romantically) with the OW#2......as he is still "friends" with her on FB.  I'm guessing.......but I'm willing to bet he told the current OW that they were just highschool friends.....so.......he could keep her on his friends list.  So, yes.........their relationship is built on rocky, sandy soil!! 
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Re: Affair dynamics: the real story.
#34: November 25, 2013, 02:48:22 PM
It's all about how this other person makes them FEEL.  It's all about the MLCer - he is not actually interested in this other person's needs - but he/she will bend over backwards to placate their demands because in turn, it means that they continue to FEEL good because of the fawning and narcissistic supply of this other person.

This is it exactly! I got it right from the horses mouth it's about how these twisted women make them feel about themselves!

Meanwhile we know the TRUTH. We have history with them and they are trying to get away from that..start over.. clean slate... no mistakes.

Can anybody spell DELUDED? :o :o
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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Re: Affair dynamics: the real story.
#35: November 25, 2013, 03:22:18 PM
I forgot one of the most relevant details.

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc_shadow_tarnished-knight.html
The Knight in tarnished armour.

Their [hster & the dumsel] usernames online were Princess ___ & Sir ___ [both names from the Middle Ages].   This also reflects their positions at work:  she was in a menial job, he was middle management.  She is, according to him, a nice person who's had a really tough life--he definitely saw her as a damsel in distress who needed rescuing.  How she managed for the 1st 49 years until she met him, no-one knows [oh yeah she was married twice before so more than 1 knight?] 

You really cannot make this stuff up.
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b
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Re: Affair dynamics: the real story.
#36: November 25, 2013, 03:32:09 PM
Attatching to this thread because i definitely need to be reminded of how dis-eased the MLCer and OW are. I use to obsess about her all day and think everything was so loving and perfect, but now i know better. My husband doesn't talk about the OW at all occ. if I ask. Recently while we were out i asked him "do you ever think she maybe isn't as great as you think she is" He responded yes a lot....WTH. Just goes to show you they really do affair down,

My husband has be lying to her since he started up with her and I told her that now she has "trust issues"

Thank s again for the reminder!!
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Re: Affair dynamics: the real story.
#37: November 25, 2013, 03:43:16 PM
Yeah- when the ex's blew up he emailed me and said something to the effect that what he thought was "love" had turned very cruel.

 And that he had to admit she wasn't the person he thought she was and sadly "not screwed together" to tightly.

They were a perfect match.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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Re: Affair dynamics: the real story.
#38: November 25, 2013, 03:55:54 PM
Awesome idea for this thread. Keep the stories flowing!
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html
k
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Re: Affair dynamics: the real story.
#39: November 25, 2013, 04:23:49 PM
Things my MLCer has said to me over the past few years about the OW -

she's so selfish, just like me
she's one of life's victims
Things between us are very tumultuous
all her family and everyone who surrounds her is (he shudders physically and makes an Ugggh! sound)
I've told her she can't be so negative all of the time - I told her she had to be more positive like you Kikki

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