[misdiz]

have noted many times over the past year and a half that her fb follows right behind mine as far as what she posts - similar profile pics (poses, b/w, colour), similar interests and likes (we are NOTHING alike....well, she has no personality so i guess it's easy to assimilate others'). 

I found this interesting as well.  It reminded me that years ago, the wacko OW did change her hair to match my friend.  Same color, same style.  We thought it was weird at the time but I had forgotten about it.  Just really shows the same pattern.

We tend to give the OP way too much power.  WE truly do have the power!  They will always live in our shadows!  Always be one level below us and as much as they like to think they are better, these actions just show how untrue that is.  They are insecure, scared horrible people and they know it!  That's why they never have peace in their lives.  Really makes me pity them.  Feel sorry, NO, that will never happen.  But I do pity them.

[CrazyTrain]

I will admit that in the beginning, I gave OW way too much power.  But I read RCR's articles, I read other's posts, and I decided that OW wasn't worth my time anymore.  Sure, sometimes my mind wanders, but I remind myself that OW is H's problem, not mine.  And I KNOW that I have the power here.  H and I have a very long history together, as we have been friends since we were in elementary school.  Our paths crossed numerous times as we were growing up.  And now we have 13 married years and 14 years together total.  We raised my two Ds and we raised his 2 Ss.  OW won't have that kind of history with H.  Her history will be full of infidelity, lies and deceit.  H and I have many happy memories growing up, and many happy memories during our marriage.  Those kinds of memories OW will not have.  So I have quit giving her any power.  She SHOULD be afraid of me.  I AM the WIFE!  She might have visions of marriage in her head, but H has to divorce me first, and my intuition tells me that isn't going to happen anytime soon.  So, I have just stepped aside and let him live his fantasy life.  She is digging her nails in and she is going to squeeze him for more.  We shall see how the story unfolds.  I need to pop more popcorn!!   

[alwayshope]

This was interesting to read - thanks for posting it!

[Faithfully Yours]

have noted many times over the past year and a half that her fb follows right behind mine as far as what she posts - similar profile pics (poses, b/w, colour), similar interests and likes (we are NOTHING alike....well, she has no personality so i guess it's easy to assimilate others'). 

I found this interesting as well.  It reminded me that years ago, the wacko OW did change her hair to match my friend.  Same color, same style.  We thought it was weird at the time but I had forgotten about it.  Just really shows the same pattern.

We tend to give the OP way too much power.  WE truly do have the power!  They will always live in our shadows!  Always be one level below us and as much as they like to think they are better, these actions just show how untrue that is.  They are insecure, scared horrible people and they know it!  That's why they never have peace in their lives.  Really makes me pity them.  Feel sorry, NO, that will never happen.  But I do pity them.

Thank you so much for sharing this story. I have struggled with the OW more than this entire MLC process. I know she is very threatened by me and I haven't even met her. LOL. I have a question for you. Does your friend consider herself a stander? Has she had other relationships? When her H came back recently, did he express that he may like to return to the marriage someday? I was just curious as to where your friend is in this journey. I agree that I would be a little worried especially if the wacko could get even more crazy if that is even humanly possible. LOL.

[misdiz]

I have a question for you. Does your friend consider herself a stander? Has she had other relationships? When her H came back recently, did he express that he may like to return to the marriage someday? I was just curious as to where your friend is in this journey.

No, she is not a stander.  She stood through his first affair, and was willing to stand through the 2nd and 3rd one.  He basically told her no.  She waited I believe 2 years before she got into another relationship and I believe 4 years after she started the relationship she finally divorced.  6 years total.  Her H would have never divorced it seems.  She is still with the man she started with although with no intentions on getting married again. 

Her H has never expressed an urge to return to the marriage and my friend would emphatically say no way even if he did.  At least that's what she says now.  She sees how utterly broken he is and has always been throughout his life.  But she truly did feel a great amount of relief when he said those words to her.  He has always said he was sorry but true remorse is only showing now.  LOL, it only took 12 years but at least she got it.

[Anjae]

Misdiz, thanks for that!  What a tale!  And 12 years of crisis... I hope that is the outer limit time-wise!

Thanks for sharing, misdiz. Sad it may be for the lady who had a husband with a 12 years long MLC it makes me feel a little less on the club of those with spouses with gigantic long MLC.

We giving too much power to the other person is not a good idea but the other person does have a lot of power upon our MLCer while they are deep in crisis. That may be because the MLCer is totally blind to reality, because other person is too scared of the LBS and uses manipulative tactics or for any other reason but the fact is the other person pretty much rules our MLCers, or, at least, a part of what they do, they do it because the other person decide it should be done.

To be that is having power upon someone. However the other person has no power whatsoever upon the LBS.

[Snowdrop]

Kind of think Hs OW is a bit smug as she married h a couple of weeks after meeting.  She "suggested" he join her on a trip, and they tied the knot.

Have no desire to learn anything about her.  H had moved out and living alone for around 6 mths before they met, so according to him, it wasnt adultery as hed already "moved on".

he lives with he, hundreds of miles away, so she married his lies and he can keep them up as no-one can confront him, they dont have a clue.  he has ignored the kids, and now screaming that I am keeping them from him . That bothers me, but I know it isnt true so wont sweat it.

Desperate woman to meet and marry a guy within a few weeks, so they are a good match.  H would have been mr. Bigshot flashing his cash, and a good "catch" for her I guess, but they ARE soulmates so meant to be. 

Not bo thered what she thinks of me although this has me thinking.  According to H, I would be a total b$tch, so she would believe that and instigate i am sure.  Who knows.

Thinking today, if H saying he sees the kids when hes here to work, as a b.s. explanation about his lack of parenting, bet someone must have asked how come no pictures? 

Whole MLC, OW, etc, the worst

[Anjae]

H had moved out and living alone for around 6 mths before they met, so according to him, it wasnt adultery as hed already "moved on".

Guess what, even when they were already meeting OW for months  before they left it is not adultery because they only start going public after the MLCer had left. 

Let your husband OW me smug. His problem. He married the woman in a rush, he is the one who has to deal with her.

It has never occurred to me to me to bother with what OW may, or may not think of me. That is her issue, not mine.

Of course you are keeping the kids from him. Have you not learned nothing, do you need to be sent back to MLC kindergarten Snowdrop?  It is all, all, the LBS fault. 

[Snowdrop]

Anjae

Thank you, that was my first smile since his new tirade over not seeing the kids and threatening that they WIIL SEE HIM! WHETHER THEY WANT TO OR NOT!!!  His words.

Yes, me too, no desire to kNow anytthing about OW at all, and te fact that she exists doesnt even change my heartbeat.  Told H when he informed us of their marriage that she means nothing to us, and she is simply that, someone he married.  I actually feel sorry for her as she married a man who was telling so many lies, so Im sure he told her too. 

been a few months now since they got together and he travels back and forth so I wouldimagine always in the honeymoon phase.  Reading his angry email brought back memories plus relief that I dont have to deal with it anymore.  Wonder if hes angry at OW now he doesnt have me to scream at.

They are a good match, Im sure, and perfect for each other.  All I care about is that they leave us alone.  my hats off to all LBS who have their MLC spouse living nearby.  I dont know how they do it.

After months of being gone, I truly think H hates me, even now.  Oh well, who cares

[Snowdrop]

Ever hear the saying "What you think of me, is none of my business"?

So true.  What anyone thinks of me has nothing to do with me, its their business. 

Kind of like that.