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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/11/how-this-harvard-psycholo_n_3727229.html

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/adult-children-of-divorce

Adult children article.

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Bump..article for the kids and sleep here

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http://children.webmd.com/kids-coping-divorce

More suggestions on how to help the little ones cope with all of this...

[Snowdrop]

Looking at the beginning of the thread, I wonder if some of this comes from their parents position of possibly being children of war kids.  (On top of the MLC FOO issues)

When H was fake, that what his mother to a tee, who is also all about herself.  I really did think that H was the one who broke the mold in his family, but now I see  that he is just the same.

I then wonder was he always that guy, and he changed when he met me, only to adapt to "us", then lived in conflict for 20 years (he was always angry), only to realize and recognize it now, leading to BD.  Maybe LBS script, but something I do think of.  Now, OW, might truly be a better match (mlc or not), and maybe his true s.mate after all.

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I came to the same conclusion EXOW was his PERFECT match..just like him..his REAL self.

She stole things, lied, moral less, sexually promiscuous, money means everything, materialistic, no soul, was the exact match for his dark side.

He should have STAYED with her.I'd be glad if he could just go back to her. They deserve each other..seriously!

His FOO issues:

Tyrant and controlling father unplugged emotionally unavailable mother.

Narcissistic parents..narcissistic offspring.

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Emotional steps in divorce (if this is what you are going through right now) this might be posted on this thread somewhere but it still helps to get an idea of what emotions you may be going through and help to feel more "normal".

Shock:
You will feel panic, rage, and numbness or like you are going crazy. You will swing between despair that your marriage is over and hope that it will be restored. It will seem impossible to cope with these feelings

You will experience some common fears when thinking about your future alone. You will wonder how you are going to survive your divorce. Will you ever find love again, will the pain ever end or will you feel this way the rest of your life are all feelings you will experience during this stage.

Rollercoaster:
You can’t seem to settle your feelings and thoughts. You swing from being hopeful to feeling utter despair. During this stage, you will try to intellectualize what has happened. If you can only understand what is going on then the pain will go away and all will make sense again.

You will tell yourself stories to try to make sense of it and your imagination will run wild. You will wonder if there was more you could have done, or if there is anything wrong with you. Maybe your spouse never even loved you. You will wonder if your entire marriage was a lie.

There is a lot of mental re-hashing during this period. You will fill as if you can’t control your thinking and find yourself obsessed with the failure of your marriage. Depression is a danger at this stage and you may cry at the drop of a hat.

Bargaining:
You are still holding onto the hope that your marriage will be restored. There is a willingness to change anything about yourself or doing anything and that if you could just get it right, your spouse would return. The important thing to learn during this stage is that you can’t control the thoughts, desires or actions of another human being.

Letting Go:
During this stage you will finally realize that the marriage is over, that there is nothing you can do or say to change that. You will become more willing to forgive the faults of your ex spouse and take responsibility for your part in the breakdown of the marriage. You will begin to feel a sense of liberation and some hope for the future.

Acceptance
The obsessive thoughts have stopped, the need to heal your marriage is behind you and you begin to feel as if you can and will have a fulfilling life. Suddenly you are looking ahead and not behind you, you are making plans and following through with them.

You will open up to the idea of finding new interests. This is a period of growth where you will discover that you have strengths and talents and are able to go forward in spite of the fear you feel.

Your pain gives way to hope and you discover that there is life after divorce and the future is made brighter due to the pain you have suffered.

I like this last sentence.....a lot.

[Snowdrop]

Thanks init, always nice to see a reminder of where we were, and where we are.

I remember those early days, and how awful they were.  I think I am in acceptance now, while having good and bad days, bouncing back is easier, and I focus on a future without H, and I'm okay with it.  Wow, what a difference a year makes. 

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Yep no kidding I'm working on indifference..no more anger..I can refer to that time in my life and relate to things people struggle with here but it involves no more pain. I have no desire to see him or talk to him.

As fast as this happened the faster I got passed it.

I've examined it to make sure I'm not in denial and I find none. The love and concern is gone.

Being here has helped me a great deal. And these steps assured me I not crazy and how I felt is a normal thing to go through.

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Self-healing-

I was looking for help with grief..this was kind of due to more of a physical loss in death as opposed to what is being dealt with here.

I am totally grateful for the amount of faith in God that is on this forum. I know there are people who do not believe in a higher power.

I found this online and thought it still could apply to the loss of a relationship somewhat also.

http://thegrievingatheist.com/2013/09/21/five-healthy-things-that-you-as-an-atheist-can-do-right-now-to-feel-better-while-grieving/