[justasking]

Jupiter

If there is no OW or OM then they move from replay into depression proper and withdrawal proper. If there is no affair this part of withdrawal doesn't exist.

But they still have to work their way through replay and into the next stage. But remember that depression and withdrawal are also part of replay as is anger. It can be very confusing. HB has written the stages on the community page which you can read but try not to work out where your MLCer is as it will drive you nuts. Let him continue on his journey.
xx

[Jupiter]

Thanks justasking.

[HeartsBlessing]

If there is no OW or OM then they move from replay into depression proper and withdrawal proper. If there is no affair this part of withdrawal doesn't exist.

JA's right; the MLC affair actually LENGTHENS the journey; and the added stress of the affair and OW Withdrawal; not to mention the added GUILT the MLC'er feels as a result.

They do find it is NOT worth it as they work through the reasoning for the affair.

If a MLC'er has NOT had an affair; they will generally feel guilty for other things they THINK they have missed; but the movement is as JA describes.

I don't see many who hasn't had an affair of some sort; but the ones who don't have a strong, and deep core of belief, plus a healthy measure of SELF RESPECT...and though, they have the feelings they DON'T act on them.

I had that draw as I was going through my transition; but my moral code reminded me that it was NOT a good idea, as it was WRONG to do.  It seemed, during that time the Lord had abandoned me; BUT it was one of the temptations for "something different" I had to face on my own; and overcome on my own.

So, I hid most of the time; as the feelings were that strong for a period of time.

It is part of the temptation the MLC'er/transition-er goes through and faces, when traveling through the tunnel.

Unfortunately; many take the "bait" the devil offers; and fall hard; sacrificing their self respect and destroying the trust and respect of the LBS in the process.

And the trust and respect takes TIME to rebuild; assuming it ever does...there are many who have problems getting past the act of adultery; only God can bring the LBS through to a position of regaining their trust and respect for their MLC spouse.

Anyhow; I didn't mean to hijack the thread.

[Jupiter]

Thanks for your response, HB. I appreciate the information.

[Buggy31]

LG Remember what Stayed's H said. It's NOT OW It's the allure of a NEW LIFE
 that's why when we focus on OUR new lives they look across at us and think "Hey wait a second. What's she doing now???"

I saw this look in my H FOR THE FIRST TIME TONIGHT....as he handed off his kids and his newborn screamed from the MINIVAN he drives around in.  IT is one of GREAT curiousity.  SO GAL everyone...and if you do it right...you get such A LIFE that whether or not your H returns is a sidenote...seriously.  It feels SO Much better and I'm touching on it AGAIN LOL!  because there is cycling but really it's the only way to go in this. 

[LisaLives]

LG Remember what Stayed's H said. It's NOT OW It's the allure of a NEW LIFE
 that's why when we focus on OUR new lives they look across at us and think "Hey wait a second. What's she doing now???"

I saw this look in my H FOR THE FIRST TIME TONIGHT....as he handed off his kids and his newborn screamed from the MINIVAN he drives around in.  IT is one of GREAT curiousity.  SO GAL everyone...and if you do it right...you get such A LIFE that whether or not your H returns is a sidenote...seriously.  It feels SO Much better and I'm touching on it AGAIN LOL!  because there is cycling but really it's the only way to go in this.

My H has asked me three times about my joining the country club and I refuse to answer.  I know he's pissed, but so be it, he is leading the crazy expensive life flying back and forth across the country to see his kids, and I figure what else do I have to do, but take up golf again--his favorite pasttime... 

[LettingGo]

and I figure what else do I have to do, but take up golf again--his favorite pasttime...

Good one, LisaLives!

[LettingGo]

Adding on here... I have just gotten a lot of info Straight from the Horse's Mouth....

If you only KNEW what was really going on..... the FIGHTING is UUUUUUUUGLY..... they seem to be addicted to the sickness of it and the drama.... it is SICK, SICK, SICK..... full of emotional and probably mild physical abuse as well.. it is HATE disguised as LOVE and we all know that there is a think line between the two... however, healthy people err on the side of LOVE and  emotionally sick people err on the side of drama and HATE to get their "feel good feelings".. It is like world war three all of the time... but they can't LEAVE because of the emotional blackmail.... the "My car broke down andI have no one else to help me" to "I would have NEVER moved into this apartment if I didn't think you were divorcing your wife!" Part of me wants to know MORE and be a fly on the walll and clap my hands at their damaging WORDS that are another nail in the coffin ot eh adulterous relationship... the other part is HORRIFIED that my husband is involved with this... HORRIFIED!!! He's still deep in the fog.
.

[phoenixwoman1]

MB, No. The 3rd child was 1 1/2 when she and my exH got together last year.  She got pregnant with #4 this winter

[Buggy31]

http://www.surprisedbylove.com/pdfs/Affair_Love_vs_Authentic_Love.pdf