[Albatross]

Accordingly, confrontation with the soul-image is not a task of youth, but of mature years.  - Jacobi

In the first half of life contact with the opposite sex aims above all at physical union (babies etc.) … in the 2nd half the essential becomes the psychic CONIUNCTIO, a union with the contrasexual both in the area of one’s own inner world and through the carrier of its image in the outer worlds.  - Jacobi

Thus the encounter with the soul-image always means that the first half of life with its necessary adaptation to the outside world and the resulting extroverted orientation of consciousness is ended, and that we must begin to take the most important step of our adaptation to the inner world, namely to confront our own contra-sexual aspect.  ‘The activation of the archetype of the soul-image is therefore an event of fateful importance, for it is the most unmistakable sign that the second half of life has begun.  Jacobi

As the conscious realization of the shadow makes possible the knowledge of our other, dark side in so far as it pertains to our own sex, so realization of the soul-image enables us to know the contrasexual aspect of our own psyche.  The result is an extraordinary enrichment of the contents of consciousness and a great broadening of our personality.  Jacobi

What is Jacobi said MLT is imminent for majority people who proceed with psychological development which never stops. Some of us never come trough MLT and rest in previous stage which leads to depression until end of life. For healthy life we have go trough MLT and reorganize self.  So far I get it extroverted people should have more problems because they get own life energy from outside, introverted people naturally gain life energy from inner self.

So, every LBS actually losing identity as MLCer does. We have to do own MLT and become whole, centered to balance self as individual and can operate alone. If we achieve that than we can live alone or we can be much better in more mature loving relationships.

[toughtimes]

This is just what I am pondering today albatross. How we as lbss tackle our own MLT. We are catapulted into it, we are flailing around in the dark at first but by understanding our partner's crisis we can navigate our own path from the first adulthood into the second.

I have moments of abject fear, total fear of my aloneness and where my direction will be. But I have faith in this transitional phase of life and I know answers will become clear. "Not all who hesitate are lost. The psyche has many secrets in reserve. And these are not disclosed unless required. So it is that sometimes the predicament following an obstinate refusal of the call proves to be the occasion of providential revelation of some unsuspected principle of release." - Joseph Campbell, the hero with a thousand faces ...

And with regard introversion (a trait I relate to) "willed introversion, in fact, is one of the classic implements of creative genius and can be employed as a deliberate device. It drives the psychic energies into depth and activates the lost continent of unconscious infantile and archetypal images." This can lead to an elevated degree of self-consciousness and control.

Campbell talks of the call to adventure. The mlcer has to take up that call, it's compelling and powerful. I see my hs compulsion to forge ahead with his business, "I am meant to do this, I have to do it, it's what I am meant to do" he has said over and over. What I don't understand is why that call to adventure also involved an affair with an employee and a rejection of me and our kids. But then I look to the mlc literature and its clear, it's a rejection of the first adulthood and the potent influence of the parents. My h also told me "you treat me like my parents did, you make me feel like my parents did." The pressure to live responsibly and consider others, particularly loved ones. He demonised his parents and blamed them throughout his first adulthood and now, in crisis, demonises and blames me. Fits with replay I think.

[Albatross]

"In so far as the anima is equivalent to the soul, which as is well known represents the life principle, the separation from the object of projection naturally results in a loss of soul and life.  As long as the anima is so completely projected, the soul is also still externalized and for that reason, the individual is endangered."

That is the reason why MLCers are soulless at beginning. Their anima/animus is withdrawn from us and their shadow project all bad in their life in us, then they have to project anima/animus on someone else.

LBS also going to crash for same reason.

[Albatross]

Each of us have parts of parents personalities, means our personality is build on parents personalities and other significant people during our life, mostly of our spouses to. So, we are like plant, everything what happen to us during life affect us more then we can imagine. When tree grow you can see on them all scars from the past. It is similar with us. All bad feelings, good feelings, memories stored in us, mostly in subconsciousness. Anyway our behavior and functioning is build on that. And we believe that we simply are like we are. But it is wrong, we can be whatever we want. Point is that we can't erase any of those bad memories, bad feelings, they are in us for eternity. So, we will never able to get rid of that in us. But what we can is actually being in charge conscientiously, means get rid of complexes, which are results of traumas from our past. Complex is autonomous part of us and when triggered we acting out from our shadow, and that is not pleasant at all. It is destructive to others and to us. We have to spot them and confront them. How ? When similar traumatic situation happens in present our complex triggered and we acting out our shadow material without our consciousness will. In such situation we have to be aware of that and simply don't REACT. Several scenarios can be applied, only listen other person which trigger our complex, process later all that feelings which we felt and rationally late respond about issue to other person. After that we will feel that we are in control of self and that make us stronger ! In time complex will diminish and we will become stronger and stronger and feel much better. In time emotions triggered by complex will be lower and lower and ultimately complex will be disconnected but still all those bad experiences and bad memories and bad feeling will be still in us but not any more AUTONOMOUS ! And we will not anymore possessed by complex or more of them which was autonomous, and on that way we will not anymore possessed by own shadow. 

[PatienceGalore]

Thanks Albatross. Will start to out that in place when next facing my husband!

[Searching4Answers]

Anyway our behavior and functioning is build on that. And we believe that we simply are like we are. But it is wrong, we can be whatever we want. Point is that we can't erase any of those bad memories, bad feelings, they are in us for eternity. So, we will never able to get rid of that in us. But what we can is actually being in charge conscientiously, means get rid of complexes, which are results of traumas from our past. Complex is autonomous part of us and when triggered we acting out from our shadow, and that is not pleasant at all. It is destructive to others and to us. We have to spot them and confront them. How ? When similar traumatic situation happens in present our complex triggered and we acting out our shadow material without our consciousness will. In such situation we have to be aware of that and simply don't REACT.

I think this is what frustrates us all; if our MLCer would acknowledge the crisis/transition they wouldn't be so reactive. It is obvious that MLC is driven by emotions, you can see it very clearly. I have always understood that to be conscious of your feelings will help to keep them in check; where as to be unconscious of them they run wild and you become reactive.

I read somewhere that male menopause or MLC (which ever you want to call it) is like the man getting ALL of their periods at once where as woman get a little bit all of the time until menopause. I can see where a lifetime of PMS hitting the man all at once would make them crazy  but I can't help to think that if they understood even a little bit of this cycle they could navigate it better.

[31andcounting]

Searching4Answers, I agree completely, but the problem is they will not look at themselves or what "is happening to them" until much further into the process, if at all:)   My H did say that his hormones could be playing a part some......But it was after OW was out of the pic and he was out of replay...thinking clearer.  They have to be ready to look within themselves when they are understanding that this whole thing was never about LBS....and that is wayyyyy down the road.
all seems so simple, unless your in crisis
31andcounting

[I reckon so]

Searching4Answers, I agree completely, but the problem is they will not look at themselves or what "is happening to them" until much further into the process, if at all:)   My H did say that his hormones could be playing a part some......But it was after OW was out of the pic and he was out of replay...thinking clearer.  They have to be ready to look within themselves when they are understanding that this whole thing was never about LBS....and that is wayyyyy down the road.
all seems so simple, unless your in crisis
31andcounting

31andcounting, how long was your H in replay? Was he high energy?

IRS

[Albatross]

Searching4Answers, I agree completely, but the problem is they will not look at themselves or what "is happening to them" until much further into the process, if at all:)

I believe that they are so low that they thinks, better word is feel that they have nothing to lose, means that they can't drop lower... But of course they are wrong. I believe that they can feel only proto emotions like anger and fear. And they believe that whole world is guilty for their situation. So, they are walking death people without soul, they are like wounded animals, means very defensive and expecting attack from everyone. They can't love self so, they don't care what happening to them.

[31andcounting]

I reckon so -my H was in replay 2 years after BD with EA and he was in a previous EA for at least 2 years prior.......with a little time "off" before the second. She and her husband were our "friends " .......it was about 6 years I'd say. I never knew about the first one and I watched the second one develop in front of my eyes:( could not stop it from happening!
31