[Kitten]

Vole...Me too. I was always trying to find a new and better way to please him or get his appreciation. I guess I did not realize it at the time. Now I see some of it. I am probably the epitome of "low maintenance accommodator." I wonder what that says/means about me since some of you folks feel your spouse was like that.  I did always put his needs and wants above my own, I NEVER nagged, never raised my voice at him.

To continue our discussion...I am going to ask a delicate question of those who feel your MLCer was low maintenance. Before BD, how do you think your spouse would have described you? Did they feel you were also easy to live with or would they have thought you required a lot of them?

For awhile mine knew he had it good. (I don't even wear jewelry, he just bought me kitchen appliances/gadgets and I was happy). Somewhere along the line he decided I was more of a leech who did not live up to his expectations. aka sucking him dry.

[panda]

Totally high maintenance.  Complained how I was not entertaining him enough as he was bored (he was like this a good year before 1st BD in 2011).  Wanted to go out enjoying himself.  Did not like the fact that I did not wish to stay out until 6am in the morning.  Expected me to watch him work in the garage and admire his handywork.  Would complain about the tomatoes not being cut the right way      Would say that he doesn't mind what ever is being done for dinner and then complain non stop about it. 
Now as I am writing this I see how crazy he really was and it was never me.  Glad he has calmed down somewhat over recent months.

[CallanG]

Mine was low maintenance and would avoid most conflicts . He sees himself as an accomodater and I can see some of that but in other ways he liked his own way . I think he picked the battles that suited him .

Although he was low maintenace ,when he was feeling secure when he was not he would need lots of reasurance of my love. Prior to this starting he found it easy to relax but I noticed a real change and he seemed to either beed to be doing something or had his head stuck in his laptop .

 

[TopsyTurvy]

My H would have described me as low maintenance too.  We both accommodated.  I wonder now if I should've stamped my feet a bit more. He didn't want to go on holiday as he wouldn't take time off, so we just had the occasional weekend away.

We never nagged each other, maybe we were both so easy going it seemed that we didn't care.  But we had been that way for 16 years, it worked.......till BD!

[flying solo]

My H was also low maintenance pre BD i.e Happy wife = happy life! He was certainly very selfish during the 8 months that we were separated but never particularly nasty about it. I think it is a bit too early too say how his 'post' BD persona will be - at the moment he is wanting me to be happy at any cost, but he has only been back home for 5 months so I will reserve judgement for now 

[always hopeful]

My H would have described me as low maintenance too.  We both accommodated.

We never nagged each other, maybe we were both so easy going it seemed that we didn't care.  But we had been that way for 16 years, it worked.......till BD!

This describes me and my W as well!

[Sunny]

crazy high maintenance!! Oh I don't miss that for the world!!

He could never sleep, so I always had to take the spare bed, otherwise he was so grumpy and horrible. I got him up in the morning, made his breakfast, made his protein shake for his workout, then of course lunch/dinner if he was around. I brought him the newspapers, made his decaf tea the way he liked it - he used to tell me every single time how he wanted it!!! can you believe that, not like I hadn't been making him tea for years already!! for the record, decaf tea, 1 sugar and a tiny bit extra, a dash of milk. what a pain in the arse!! and why did I do it? because he was so miserable and grumpy and angry so I just did everything, trying to keep the peace!!!! talking about walking on eggshells! Nightmare! I will never ever go back to that. EVER.

He also wanted me to be entertaining, but not too entertaining, lest I forget who the real star was. He was a big drinker. apparently even more now. I rarely drank and still the same, rare girly night out thats it. I rarely drank as I always had to drive. (we lived in the sticks, taxis were a fortune). He wanted a party girl and that's who he got with his OW. a good time gal who got pregant on purpose and screams at him, throws things at him and has even thrown a few heavy punches. Oh and he has to look after the baby full time because she cannot cope. and she's back to drinking!

Materialistic, blows wads of cash on a whim, usually without talking to me first, meanwhile I buy clothes at Sainsburys. Bought a race horse without talking to me, and then a second horse a few months later. Ego-driven, would brag about his income, wanted to be admired. and yet none of this was ever enough to keep him happy. He hated himself. He probably hated me too. He certainly was bloody miserable!!

[The New Me]

My H would have described me as low maintenance too.  We both accommodated.  I wonder now if I should've stamped my feet a bit more. He didn't want to go on holiday as he wouldn't take time off, so we just had the occasional weekend away.

We never nagged each other, maybe we were both so easy going it seemed that we didn't care.  But we had been that way for 16 years, it worked.......till BD!

Ditto. Pre-MLC he said my calmness kept him calm and didn't make him crazy. He said that other people drained him and I was one of the few that re-energized him. During MLC that became boredom and lack of passion. Now after his crisis, I am the person who helps keep him grounded. But there will definitely be more foot stamping in my future. 

[Thunder]

"We never nagged each other, maybe we were both so easy going it seemed that we didn't care.  But we had been that way for 16 years, it worked.......till BD!"

TopsyT, our R was like this, too.
I read somewhere that a good marriage needs some arguing...or maybe I should say disagreements.  Supposed to be healthy to clear the air.

My X and I were married 21 years (28 together) and never really fought about much of anything.  We are both so very easy going.
You may be right.  We both avoided any conflict because we both hate confrontation.
Maybe stamping my feet once in awhile would have been good.

Life and learn.  sigh

Is your H a Low-Energy MLCer also?

[VoleInABox]

TopsyT and Thunder, this is such an interesting discussion. My H's parents - according to everyone in his family - never argued. They taught their children absolutely nothing about how to resolve conflict because their way of dealing with it was to ignore it! My family were the opposite. Until very recently I didn't realise how much my arguing/outbursts scared my H, he literally had no blueprint as to how to handle them. The same way I had no idea how to handle someone who is unwilling (because they are unable) to argue their point.