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Author Topic: MLC Monster MLC script V

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MLC Monster Re: MLC script V
#130: November 25, 2014, 01:36:24 PM
No, good points for the males to learn.
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Re: MLC script V
#131: November 25, 2014, 01:42:55 PM
Quote from: MeNow on November 25, 2014, 01:36:24 PM
No, good points for the males to learn.

I guess the take away is......a woman will lose respect for a man who doesn't have an opinion, isn't self-reliant or backs down from a challenge! How can she respect him or be attracted at all if she can run roughshod over him on a whim?


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BD: 7/24/2013
Alienator: 2; in hindsight; left for me to discover as an exit strategy.
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End State: I'm glad it is over, for several reasons....too many to list here. I am so much better off and, aside from the great kids we have, regret ever marrying her.
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Re: MLC script V
#132: November 25, 2014, 02:00:39 PM
Ok....now for something that is actually "script" related!

So, most of us have heard the "I love you, but I am not in love with you" speech in one form or another! But what does that really mean? OK, so we say "in love" is all about infatuation & excitement & it doesn't last. Love grows into a deeper connection & bond. Yep, I'll agree with that!

However, I've been reading a book lately that discusses this topic and has a different outlook on this script. Now, this may be out of context somewhat of MLC and more in the domain of a true "WAS", but I'll offer it here for discussion!

So, let's break down the two key words / phrases here:

Love = the loving, caring, connection type actions which gives comfort and bonding in the relationship = actions that release Oxytocin. For us guys, this would be the "beta" traits!

In Love = Fun, exciting, charismatic, charming type actions which are attractive = actions that release dopamine. For us guys, this would be the "alpha" traits!

So, replace the key words in that statement and you get:

"I "oxytocin" you, but I'm not in "dopamine" with you". In other words, the loving bond is still there, but you don't excite me or attract me anymore. This explains the waffling between the LBS & the OP; they still have the bond with the LBS, but they are getting the dopamine rush from the OP.

I would say this is probably at work somewhat in the clingers and boomerangs! Just a theory!


***Point of view alert***: I never completely agreed with the idea that we "choose" to love someone. I think we choose whether or not to pursue a long term relationship, but there has to be an attraction to begin with; some "chemistry" to coin a phrase. I mean, you can't just see someone on the street and decide "hey, I choose to love you, so let's get after it!" There has to be attraction / hormones at work in the first place!


DO
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M: 5/30/1992
BD: 7/24/2013
Alienator: 2; in hindsight; left for me to discover as an exit strategy.
D: 12/16/2014

End State: I'm glad it is over, for several reasons....too many to list here. I am so much better off and, aside from the great kids we have, regret ever marrying her.
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Re: MLC script V
#133: November 25, 2014, 03:04:20 PM
Interesting theory DO, sounds about right.  But sometimes when the LBS starts detaching and wearing magic jeans, they get the dopamine rush from them too!
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Re: MLC script V
#134: November 25, 2014, 03:42:18 PM
My BIL had his own mLC over 20 years ago. 

When it looked my husband was going to run and I was desperate for help, he said this to me...

He is going to run. You can't stop him.  It is something he has to do.  Nothing you will say or do will stop it.  I did it.  There was nothing that would have stopped me.  I didn't realize but I was in a depression. All I knew was that I was terribly unhappy. I was afraid I was turning into my Dad. I didn't want to be my Dad.  He did the same thing every day and he looked miserable.

When I went back to my BIL for more guidance as I now had calmed down and wasn't so desperate for help, he no longer wanted to discuss it with me.  It stirred up too many emotions for him and his wife and I suspect my husband had asked him not to talk with me. 

So I don't think it is what we represent - it is what they are afraid that they have become.  They want to be the wild person they never got the chance to be or that they remember themselves to be. 
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Re: MLC script V
#135: November 25, 2014, 05:23:33 PM
Quote from: living with Hope on November 25, 2014, 03:42:18 PM
They want to be the wild person they never got the chance to be or that they remember themselves to be.

BINGO.  My wife got pregnant at 18 by her first husband.  Jumped out of that m into relationship with me.  She has NEVER been on her own, sowed her wild oats, stood on her own two feet, or however you want to say it.

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Re: MLC script V
#136: November 25, 2014, 05:33:41 PM
Quote from: living with Hope on November 25, 2014, 03:42:18 PM
He is going to run. You can't stop him.  It is something he has to do.  Nothing you will say or do will stop it.  I did it.  There was nothing that would have stopped me. 

This is pretty much what H's dad told me. He said he did it too and tried to warn H about doing something stupid (OW). His dad also said that H would come back. He told me to try and remain on friendly terms with H if I want him back.
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BD - December 2012
OW1 confirmed - December 2012 on-and-off for 34 months and counting (still refers to her as just a 'friend')
Wants to live like roommates - November 2013
I moved out - April 2015
H is still checking the anchor
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Re: MLC script V
#137: November 25, 2014, 07:06:43 PM
Trouble is you can't be friends with them..it's a one way street..you might be able to be there for them but the minute you need something...poof! Nowhere to be found!

How does that constitute a friendship?
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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Re: MLC script V
#138: November 25, 2014, 07:08:27 PM
Spot on in it.
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Re: MLC script V
#139: November 25, 2014, 07:24:10 PM
So why make the effort?

Go NC focus on yourself and emotionally let go an detach from the insanity they will insist you buy into.

Invest somewhere  TWO people will relate, communicate, empathize, understand and respect each other- and create a healthy relationship.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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