[Albatross]

IMHO

 "Do not like or dislike; then all will be clear" is when you achieve indifference. This is not to be confused with being uncaring- just relatively unaffected by words and/or behavior.

Technically indifference is the opposite of love.

It is not about indifference. Indifference is when one withdraw from the world and that is exactly what happening to MLCer. It is about living without prejudice. In other words world and life is about good and bad mixed together. IMO humans by heritage expecting only good which is core problem because in life is normal to experience good and bad mixed together. And finally we should not dislike bad or like good because some event is not 100% good it is always in between 0 and 100%. It is about acceptance, embracing reality at it is, live in reality and just be. Of course that one can dislike and like what ever he wants but living without liking - disliking, accepting life at it is, embrace it fully at it is - is middle path. Otherwise we will live in fantasy world how we want to be (future, not present) , which will never happened and then never satisfied...

In my opinion is indifference is absence of life and then absence of love or if You like it one who is indifferent is not able to live in reality, then unable to love.

[Searching4Answers]

It is not about indifference. Indifference is when one withdraw from the world and that is exactly what happening to MLCer. It is about living without prejudice. In other words world and life is about good and bad mixed together. IMO humans by heritage expecting only good which is core problem because in life is normal to experience good and bad mixed together. And finally we should not dislike bad or like good because some event is not 100% good it is always in between 0 and 100%. It is about acceptance, embracing reality at it is, live in reality and just be. Of course that one can dislike and like what ever he wants but living without liking - disliking, accepting life at it is, embrace it fully at it is - is middle path. Otherwise we will live in fantasy world how we want to be (future, not present) , which will never happened and then never satisfied...

In my opinion is indifference is absence of life and then absence of love or if You like it one who is indifferent is not able to live in reality, then unable to love.

Well stated Albatross I never thought about the MLCer being indifferent - I always thought of it more as they hate themselves but indifference makes a lot of sense.

In my H's case, I think that he has been a very unbalanced person for a long time - MLC is kind of the universe rebalancing us.

[Hmmm]

I've been thinking a lot about this today and how my H says he doesn't feel anything when listening to our favourite music-it's always been his world before now. This was when I realised he was truly ill. I think he knows it himself but refuses help or medication as his dad got addicted and had seven years of depression and a nervous breakdown.

To become indifferent about music is something I never would've thought could happen to anyone.

At the start he seemed like he hated me but we hugged sometimes really nicely. Now he won't let me touch him (except to feel the lump he thinks he has in his stomach)

[SSG]

I wanted to pick up on the quote about more male friends than female growing up.

This is me also. I hung around with boys and had them as my best friends, had very few female ones at all.

I totally Agree with albatross on this, it's not the daddy issues it's the mummy ones. I always felt like my mother did nothing to stop my dad being mean and aggressive towards me and my sister and I therefore did not trust her to have my back. My mum was also very critical of my looks and my weight and I often felt ugly because of it never once told me I was pretty. I guess I thought this was all women.

It's is only now that I find myself seeking out women to befriend and I have to say it is hard and I still gravitate towards men. It's not a sexual thing at all, just feels more comfortable and safe. I am learning though.

Sd
X

I am the exact same way, SD.  My mom was very sweet and not exactly critical but she NEVER says I am pretty.  She will say I look nice but that is about it.  i try to tell my girls that they are often and mention their strengths too, along with complimenting their intelligence and character. I think it is really important.  But jeez, girls are mean!  Sorry to hijack.

I fit in right with both of you.  I have always had male friends, all through my childhood (just one girlfriend) and throughout college and beyond. My mother, though she gave us every opportunity to experience life...she was also very critical...of how we dressed, weight, etc. I also agree it is about being more comfortable with the male species.  I have 3 really close girlfriends...and the rest are men.
I am also sorry to hijack....  and many thanks Albatross...I follow all of your threads !
Standing Germany

[Lanzo]

I just wanted to keep the topic of Replay going as it was this subject matter that originally bought me to this site.

My wife is in replay, however there has been a split with OM#2 and he is back with his long term partner so it is my guess that he binned W to pick up his life where it left off. So at the moment W could turn anyway, chase after OM, find another OM or take dreaded steps towards liminality. I know she is fighting the last option as she is monstering at me and dragging her heels on the divorce she instigated.

My now xW is in high intensity replay now with OM#4, Yes that's the way she turned, however she is still in contact with OM#2 & OM#3.  OM#2 is still trying for PA by sending her pictures of his bits, OM#3 seems to be someone she confides in.   She still monsters at me if I give her the chance, she has the divorce she wanted but yet she clings on by not moving out. Yes we are divorced but she won't go.

I'm just guessing but this  round of replay has been going on around 2 1/2 year covering 3 OM, it's 2 1/2 years since divorce proceeding started and that's when I can see that she started going out and staying out.

As we know, the contents of the unconscious compensate our conscious attitude; since the male tends to be rather polygamous in his outward life, his anima usually appears singly.  The woman on the other hand tends toward monogamy in her real life and thus reveals a polygamous trait in her soul image; which for the woman will be personified in many figures - like an assembly of fathers."

Your  x wife is possessed by own shadow and animus. People possessed by shadow become opposite then their real self. MLCers are under huge influence of own shadow, woman MLCers become polygamous in MLC - means they can have in same time in parallel OM1, OM2 and so on, man MLCers become monogamous, so they can have serial OW1, OW2 and so on. But always one at the time. I believe that is the reason why woman have shorter in time MLC then man.

From what I can see xW has really become the opposite of what she was before very straight laced and proper (very good mask) but now she is very much polygamous (and I'm being polite here) there could be more OM than I know of (the woman has gone crazy).

A question I have, This polygamous person that we see now, will this have always been with her but she suppressed it, but now that she's in MLC it has all been unleashed with a vengeance and she can't control it ?.

Just interested

Lanzo

[Albatross]

A question I have, This polygamous person that we see now, will this have always been with her but she suppressed it, but now that she's in MLC it has all been unleashed with a vengeance and she can't control it ?.

Just interested

Lanzo

Woman have animus as connection between subconsciousness and consciousness always have and always will have. Animus have 4 stages in psychological evolution. Animus is not nothing bad at all but shadow can be very evil. When shadow marry her animus woman went to hell.

[toughtimes]

How long does replay last? H in it for nearly 2 and half years, divorcing me at moment and settling in with 25 year old employee ow. It feels he's settling down but he's doing what we did 10/15 years ago, even living in the same place. He's high energy, huge ego, grandiosity, narcissist, blaming and an immature nasty streak.
I can see he is re-doing his adolescent years, this was when his mother had an affair, abandoned family and then his parents divorced with his dad moving in a new partner and her two young sons. He was constantly abandoned by mother and then by father. Could it be he has gone back to adolescence and will simply continue from there and not come back to midlife? So have another family and that be appropriate time? I hope not, I hope he hits liminality and sees the reality of the situation.
Ow has foo issues, similar to h in that she had sibling with illness, her sister died when she was nine. I believe ow has some arrested development issues as a result, h took her to Harry Potter studios for her 25th birthday treat last year and she suffered/suffers from anorexia (a disease rooted in not wanting to grow up, resonant with the puer theory). Her father is older than her mother too, her mother was her dad's student at university. So h is redoing what his mother did and ow is redoing what her mother did. Any insights here albatross?
I too think ow is a mask wearer, she's just too lovely to be true, sweet and adoring and yet so young to have affair with married boss with kids.

[Albatross]

In brief:
Replay stops when they realize that narcissistic supply does not "make them happy" anymore. It is individual thing.

Or:

Hitting liminal depression is moment when they finally realize that they tried everything possible without changing self and spend all shadow energy and their life in real world become even much more worst then before. In same time they have to reach point of humility - not being center of universe (egotism and narcissism). Then they become aware of anima/animus. That point should be change self or die... Next step is dissolution of animus/anima. When they dissolute anima/animus their soul is dead - they become nothing in spiritual meaning. After that moment all projections are ceased. There real work on self begin.

[Back_to_me_plus_2]

Well before the BD, my H read a couple of books, one called "boys adrift", and it was about the difference between how girls and boys lean differently and that the school system is set up for girls. Anyway, there was a lot of scientific/behavioral research involved in these books and he always discussed what he was reading with me in great detail.

I've made several attempts to get him to read about the effects of early childhood neglect and abuse and he will not!!  He told me he's not interested in behavioral science at all.

He told me he's reading a book called "Moms house/Dads house", and I should read it. I told him, I'm NOT interested, as I've read the reviews that say, "if two people can get along that well as separated co-parents, they should just be married." And I got the "deer in headlights" look.

He thought he could give it all up and just work his glorious job, and if we are "friends" he will be les miserable.

I know it's just the MLC but I think it's just part of the denial and wanting to remain in Replay. It has only just begun for him.

[Lanzo]

My xW is still in replay, still trying to make herself happy.

In the past she changed her job several time and ended up on a   totally different career path (From retail  fashion to construction and housing).

She had a cat when she was younger, she got one during the divorce process to pee me off and to make herself happy, don’t think it worked either way.

The Divorce was final in May and she moved out in June. She has multiple OM. Is she happy,  still don’t know although the mask she wears says yes.

The house is sold and she is due £70k from the proceeds . She will be going on a Caribbean cruise in December .

So loads of money to spend, men to spend it on, places to go and visit, her replay will be going on for a considerably long time.

Lanzo