[hurt01]

Buggy,
I read your thread but I read so many I get them mixed up and I can,t remember my own sitch sometimes.
You kids are just babys. I am so sorry you and your kids are going through this.

I can,t even imagine what it,s like with 3 little ones and having to deal with this MLCes mess. Hugs to you Buggy and much Love.

[xyzcf]

Buggy, follow your intuition. My concern, especially since your children are so young..that since you don't know the OW (and personally I'd have a hard time thinking about her as a positive influence on my children's development) I would not be able to really relax when they were in someone else's care...as well, especially for the the really little ones..would they have difficulty with separation anxiety??

Perhaps consulting with a child psychologist would make sense. I know you don't want to deny their father time with his children..but understand where your concerns are coming from. Take care

[LettingGo]

Buggy, tell him to shut up about OW, you don't want to hear about her! SHE IS NOT THEIR MOTHER!! She has her OWN kids to take care of. Tell him to BUG OFF on this or get a court order. The kids don't WANT to be with her, he is just trying to pawn them off on HER so HE doesn't have to come over to your house and actually TAKE CARE OF THEM!! The situation is only uncomfortable because of his STUPID, SERIOUSLY PSYCHO CHOICES!! OW is NOT THEIR MOTHER and NOT his WIFE!! You don't owe HIM or HER anything!!

Ok, now feel free to ignore my rant and do what is best for YOUR situation! You know best... (((hugs)))

[Shantilly Lace]

Oh I answered Buggy on my thread.
It must be so different over there.  My H would have just gone ahead and done it anyway if I had tried to stop him.  And legally... well legally it wan't going to help.  I swallowed a very buter pill to protect my girls from any nastiness.
If your H is "being reasonable" I would take advantage of that to have some control over the situation before OW starts saying she can't stop you blah blah blah.
Pick your boundaries and lay them down.
If he isn't living with OW maybe one rule can be she isn't to stay especially as he is being reasonable.
It sucks so bad.

[Buggy31]

Mine did expose them to OW once at a party...D8 came home and told me that she spent time with "daddy's friend"....played with "daddy's friend's kids"....."daddy's friend" gave her a silly band bracelet....they were so  they made it obvious by not sharing names.....really..never told me he was taking them anywhere.....were supposed to be staying at grandparents house.

He was rebelling against a boundary and I was P***** so I said he could see them here or at parents or if that didn't suit him after a custody agreement....he listened....and usually does...but it makes him mad and gives all sorts of justifications.....anyway I believe she's probably pressuring for this next thing.....as he's already filed for D so the fun's over with that....there is always a next thing with these two....so I remain detached and very aware of what I can be expectin...they do not live together.....YET!

This is the most painful for me....A real jab in the back.....he knows they mean the WORLD to me.....he knows I don't want them exposed...I believe this makes it even more enticing...it's really quite sick...but I'm sick of the fight.
You're so right.....it sucks....really......really.....bad

[Shantilly Lace]

(((hugs)))

[mercury]

buggy

I have a D14 she is completely exposed to the OW, started behind my back, he lives with her.  She is very afraid that the OW will get knocked up.  She loves her dad but also hates him. He has damaged their relationship  but he has no clue, she hides it from him, because she fear he'll choose the ow and ow's kid over her. She made comments that she hopes they rot together and how could I have married such a man. He forced the ow on her to prove that he was over me.  Sick mlc thinking.  I don't know what to tell you, these mlcers are bond and determine to destroy everything and to do what they want.  Best wishs

[readytofixmyselffirst]

That is one thing my w has not done is tried to push the kids on the OM situation. I think that would be the end of all things that we know of. Mercury's case and my case tend to show that the teenagers really have a hard time with MLC as opposed to the younger children. That doesn't mean that later on, the younger children will have issues. My point is that the teenagers feel just as betrayed as the LBS. They feel conflicted as they don't want to destroy their relationship with their parent, but they feel that everything they have lived was a lie. My own daughter telling me, "What does she mean that she has been unhappy for years and years. Was she lying to me the whole time?"

I will state again that having the kids be around ow/om is not good as the relationship between the MLCer and ow/om is not strong. Bringing the kids into their mix now has them deal with two awkward relationships, the one between the LBSer and the MLCer and the relationship between MLCer and OW/OM.

This is just my opinion. Hopefully, other will write about their experiences and the reactions of their children.

[hampc0cv]

Iwould put my foot down about the OW having contact with my children.  I think it is wrong.  My daughters are 33 and 22 and H told youngest she would have to get used to the OW being around because they were dating now.  She told him, NO WAY!!  She said she is nothing to me and she doesn't have to respect her in anyway.  My H definitly knows how she feels. 

Hang in there and put your foot down.  this is so wrong to do to your kids.

[JustFine&Dandy]

My kids and 13 and 14, and I would ABSOLUTELY not allow them to have anything to do with OW.  Right now, they do not even know about OW.  BD was only two months ago, and my H has not moved out (but he wants to really, really bad).

His relationship with OW is not out in the open, so I did not see a need to tell the kids about her.  I have been hoping that somehow, the OW relationship would end and the kids would not need to know.  I do realize that if he moves out to be with her or they start being more open with their relationship that the kids will have to be told.

I am prepared to tell my H that as long as he is married to me, I will not allow OW to have ANYTHING to do with the kids.  I believe their relationship is wrong, and I do not want my kids exposed to it.  Now, in the event that H files for D and is still involved when it is final, I would talk to H and ask that he allow the kids to get to know her on their terms (if they wanted to).

I hate this situation for my kids more that anything.  When I was a teenager, my dad went through MLC and cheated on my mom.  My mom was an emotional wreak, and she told me and my sister every sordid detail.  I was the oldest, and Mom really depended on me more than she should have.  Thankfully, Dad did not try to push OW on us.  We never met her, all we knew was her name and everything that Mom told us about her.  Dad and his OW did break up, but he and my mom never reconciled.  I hated my dad for several years, but now we have a good relationship.