[Buggy31]

Thanks for weighing in JF&D
Interesting that you have the perspective of MLC from childhood.....I feel and have felt the same way as you about H and OW relationship.....I growl like a mama bear when I know that they could be exposed to such BS.....really....but lately I have had to accept that MLC is very long....very long.....and could get bad.....and from a legal perspective....there aren't many rights to protect children from this sort of situation...emotionally....so...it could become something that is out of my hands...plus my H knows it's hurtful and when in monster...almost panicky...uses it as control...I read a good quote today from a book that is helping me I'll be back to post it in a little bit....it helped me in dealing with my emotions surrounding this sucky sitch

[justasking]

The trouble with children so young is can you rely on the OW to keep them safe and make them happy. If she has other children they will always without fail come first not yours. If she has no children she will be as jealous as h**l of the children.

MLC men have no understanding of their own live never mind protect their children. This is obvious in the way they treat them when they are older.

As their mother you know what is right for them. My H OW has met one of mine as the others refused to meet her. S said she didn't want to be there and neither did he but both had been manipulated by H to play happy families and he was oblivious to the misery around him. S never wants to meet her again.

xx

[readytofixmyselffirst]

The only time I would ever recommend children having contact or activities with ow/om is if they put sugar in their gas tank or take ow's credit card number and give it to the Russian Mafia. Other than that, no contact. However, if someone thinks of other activities to be approved by the group, Please post.

[Buggy31]

I'm going to talk to my daughters therapist...and see if we can somehow just calm him the hec down......do what's in her best interest...maybe we could explain the sitch to her and then perhaps let her choose...I don't know...she is very smart...with a strong voice....and I really think she will be honest...hmmm...My H's OW has 3 children!!! So I don't like the fact that they will be watching that many kids....I am a very good, well experienced mother and six kids makes me want to run for the hills...don't know why they would even want to occupy their "alone time" with kids......doesn't that screw with the fantasy....didn't he run to her to escape that s***...now he's adding three more..... It's nutz....I tell you...I really....really appreciate all your advice....I don't know what I would do without your voices of reason....

[readytofixmyselffirst]

As of this time, you are not divorced from this man. The answer is no! if you are divorced and he has custody and this is his new relationship, I might understand. However, this is a tart he is shacking up with. She has her own kids. He wants to play the good guy and ease his guilt by creating the "happy" family. Wrong. It will confuse your kids and hurt everyone involved. As I stated before, your kids need to deal with and heal from the issues between you and your h. They are not on firm ground to begin with. On top of that, you and I both know that h and ow's relationship is weak as well.

The kids need stable, lasting relationships right now. Even if you met someone new and decided to give your h the boot, I would still wait until the divorce was done and time had passed before you introduced your children to your new relationship.

Right now, the kids need to deal with just mother and father and do not need to have any other relationship forced down their throats. When I get home tonight, I will research university database for any articles on this. I will then post on this thread. (((Hugs)))

PS- Maybe you should put sugar in OW's gas tank or sell her credit card # to the Russian mafia. Also, you may want to send ow on a scenic hiking trip on either the Iranian or North Korean border. It may be a tad expensive, but the results are very satisfying. HeHeHe

[Purple stain]

Ready, thanks for the daily dose of laughter!!! Dealing with our MLCers is depressing enough, So slugging is the best medicine. Too many nuts and squirrels around as someone else on the forum said LOL

[Buggy31]

I'll be checking in for the articles...Ready...thanks

[LilyBelle579]

I am in your position as well. My Husband did it without my permission. The children spent the night at his house and I later found out that she did too. My children are 5,7 and 9. They are starting counselling next week because I am afraid they are getting confused. I also think that they were used to prove that we were no longer together.

[Buggy31]

I also think that they were used to prove that we were no longer together.

Yes I get this too...my intuition is telling me this...it seems to be a way to inflict more pain...I think merc said it too in an post above...like look I'm so sure....I'm moving on....I'm introducing her to my kids...I am HAPPY.....so THERE.... that's the sense I get...inflicting me with more pain..for me a REAL slap in the face as she is a mother with three young children....it STINGS...I gotta say...I've learned not to react and honestly I am pretty detached...much better....even about kids and OW...because I can see patterns in him that is leaving me with confidence....first off I KNOW he is not happy and I actually am quite entertained at how he pretends...I think that's why he doesn't like being around me....he knows I see through the BS...Secondly it seems like it's not so much about him taking the kids to see OW as it is hurting me or engaging me....MLC is all about pain and pain likes to be fed and I'm not sure if the ULTIMATE BETRAYL is the affair or involving the kids before the marriage is EVEN over...it's a real shot at family...which has been his and my life for years....really...

[Shantilly Lace]

Buggy like I said I knew H would do it anyway.

I spose I look at it now as well.
When it all first started H would take the girls Friday and on his weekend (and this started 6 weeks after BD like I said legally in Oz it sounds a LOT different to other places). I would not see the girls till Monday morning.  He would bring them home Sunday afternoon late and he would stay but I was working an afternoon shift till midnight so wouldn't see them.
That changed and Sundays were no longer a working day for me.
The girls continued to stay till late Sunday afternoon with him. 
Then he started bringing them back early Sunday and he would stay (most times) the day.
Lately he brings them the Saturday and they spend the day here, while he works on his car, go home with him and then come back early the next day.
I have no idea how long it will last for, maybe till the car is done.
But then again possibly longer.  The car was one excuse, another excuse sits in the wings waiting he has to rebuild a trailer, and then another excuse also sits further back.
But maybe not after all this is MLC.

Anyway I know I am the odd one out here but I see it as he WILL do it if he gets in the mood.

You WILL hate it but as I said if you give a bit of leeway it may stop other things you hate more.

What will stop him taking the kids and going somewhere where they meet up if he gets in the mood?

I know you are married and there is no divorce BUT hello he is busy hurting you anyway with no care for you what is he going to do?  If it gets too much he WILL do it.

Now I knew OW, but I would have insisted on meeting her if I didn't (without kids) because I stand strong and I am a better person than she is and I want her to know it.  When she came with H for my girls the first time (and everytime since) my body language is one of superiority to her.  I am perfectly polite but there are ways of standing and facial expressions that put her directly in her place which is less then nothing to me.
All this of course is lost on H as he is a male and honestly female interactions are lost on them.

I stand firm on this
Refusing to let him take them gives him a power to hurt you by sneaking it behind your back.  Gives HER a power of HA HA HA look at what i can make your H do.  I am better then you.

Take the power into your hands.  It will hurt you but he will not know how much, you can say I don't like this but...

It removes her power of being able to push.

I understand where others are coming from.  I do but I have also read on these boards and another where they find out by accident that OW has met them anyway despite them saying no.

TAKE THE POWER INTO YOUR HANDS.

Set down that they won't stay at his house... fine
set down they go with dad during the day.

but take the power before he sneaks it.