[shimmerofhope]

I have a question, if my h text me goodnight should I respond. He has recently started staying in a friends house. I'm working on detaching other than business conversations.  Any advice. Also I would like a mentor if possible. Thank you

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=6317.0

answered on your thread.

[hopeful1]

I need help
My h is coming to see his s13 for the first time in six months 
He calls every month or so.
He is still very much monster to me if we speak
H has refused to pay a cent to me
S13 is not comfortable meeting his new ow nor has he met the other three ow h has had since bd
But he does miss his dad and want to see him
I have told h this but he said she would be there like it or not
My question is
Should I be encouraging him to go ?
H is watching him play football then after that he was going to take him
S13 wants to come home after football bc of ow
Not sure how to play this out
I have booked early apt to see counsellor today as I don't know
I am hurt and angry still but I can't let that affect what's the best thing to do

Answered on your thread:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?action=post;topic=6058.100;last_msg=407740

[Songanddance]

I appreciate you still have monster with H but he does need to be told that to see S with OW is not fair on S.

He can see S but not with OW.  Just sow the seed that it might put his R such as it is with S further back if OW is involved in their time together. 

Think carefully about the words and your tone of voice. Calm, collected and non accusatory.

[hopeful1]

Thank you so much for your advice.
Yes I agree that s13 doesn't want to see or meet ow. counsellor advised me to stay well out of it
And for s13 to speak up and say and do what he is comfortable doing. Lucky s13 has spoken up before in regard to the old ow which meant he did saw him once in six months
Counsellor advised if h ignores his wishes then s will work out for himself what type of person h is.
I have to stay right out of it not go and rescue him if he doesn't bring him home when s13 asks I just have to be there for him if it becomes a bad experience. It's more about me stepping away and not being involved in their relationship. Although yes I will be blamed if s13 doesn't go.
Thanks again   Bless

[Bbmi]

Questions, I have

1) H is back at home, under the "I'm only here because I miss the girls and you need my help with drop offs and pick ups" - I don't engage with him at all. We are like strangers except when he initiates convo with me once in a while. Will this arrangement hurt or help his MLC? We don't greet each other AT ALL - no nothing.

2) GALing - can this backfire in that he views this "positively" as in - yes! She's finally moving on, she won't want reconciliation, now I can do my own thing.

3) He is undergoing current potentially serious medical issues - waiting on some results - will my concern turn him off? My whole being and gut tell me to do what I would've normally done which is to try to reassure and comfort him. How do I balance this situation with the MLC and trying to detach?

answered on your thread.

[riverbirch]

Can someone show me where return to replay behavior is? I think this is happening.

[Mitzpah]

Can someone show me where return to replay behavior is? I think this is happening.

Maybe this article is what you are looking for?http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc_overview_liminality.html

[MsT]

Are there any old threads about forgiveness or other resources besides the mirror-work articles and the James Messina article?
I could use a fresh approach, I think.
Thanks in advance.

[Keep believing]

Not sure what a mentor does. But it can't hurt
Do you really believe mlcers really still love there spouse


Answered on your thread

[Keep believing]

Please help. My husband works out of town. Last time in was in and left said alienator and him done. Well he is coming in town tomorrow and he is acting and saying things like she is in the picture again. Well I lost it and  totally reacted to both of them via text. I told him I would give him the divorce he wants  I really don't think he wants it. I'm not sure if he is uncomfortable around me because of this alienator or his drinking or guilt. I can't take the infidelty. But if he turns around maybe. I am full of hate that he can't figure this out. I do understand all I read but it is a hard concept. Any how he doesn't think I care about him and all that. I don't know what to do because of my reaction . Do I send an apology even though I'm mean what I say . Or what. So I have wondered also do they not have feelings for the spouse or are they afraid to feel.  If they get close to spouse. And if they did feel wouldn't they begin to crumble. Thee has been no intimacy in over a year.   I mention this and sometimes I think he uses as control. Because he has asked "do you want to f...k and  then says well your not gonna get it. He is a classic mlcer every thing said and has done.    And monster