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Author Topic: Discussion  Ask a Mentor 8

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Discussion Ask a Mentor 8
OP: May 29, 2014, 07:05:07 AM
PLEASE NOTE
Please  post on your own thread first and wait for responses, if no one responds then you should use the ask a mentor thread.

Please use this thread if you need immediate attention & if possible include a link to your story page. I.E. EMERGENCIES!


Discuss away!


previous threads:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4178.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3809.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3763.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3658.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3535.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2738.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2220.0
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« Last Edit: October 02, 2015, 03:32:10 PM by Rollercoasterider »
L
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#1: June 03, 2014, 09:27:33 PM
Words of wisdom PLEASE!

Why is it that MLCers abandon their own kids but become this instant father to Ow kids? He is seen all around town playing great daddy to her kids and neglecting his own! This is hard for me to swallow!
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BD 4/13- found text on to ph to OW-told him to leave
Been living with OW and her kids after leaving his family
Bought a motorcycle and started drinking after 15 years
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#2: June 04, 2014, 12:41:37 AM
Hi LS,

I think it's because there's no real commitment there for him. It's all just superficial and he doesn't really have any real responsibility towards them.

Just my thoughts and I'm sure others will have more ideas!

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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#3: June 04, 2014, 06:49:09 AM
Honestly, it is pretty much the same as their faux relationship with OW.

The MLCer is unhappy with his/her life.  Everything isn't going the way he/she would like.  It can't be because of them!  Oh NO!  It HAS to be everyone else.

So they run away from their "old" lives and attempt to start over with a new life.  New partner....heck...why not new kids?  The old ones are so difficult!  They aren't happy with the "new" me.  They seem to be angry, hurt....difficult.  I can start all over with everything NEW.  I can do it RIGHT this time.  The "new" kids seem happy to see me. (or maybe not...but he/she can try - right?)

The problem is.....the MLCer took the main cause of all the unhappiness in his/her life with him/her when they ran.  The MLCer took himself!  The old baggage is still there....it just takes TIME to rear its ugly head again.

I know it is difficult to watch.  Imagine how difficult it is for our kids?  One my my co-workers (a male LBS) will soon have his 16 year old daughter move in with him - as she can no longer stand living with her MLC Mom and her Mom's OM.  She can't stand to watch her Mom dote over OM's young daughter.  It hurts her.  She feels replaced. 

This is, unfortunately, very much script.

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M - 33 years (did the last 3 years count?)
D - 34, D -30, S - 30
BD 5/29/2010, Ran away from home - 8/15/2010,
Found out about affair - 2/11
H asks for divorce - 8/11
H filed for divorce 10/11
Announced "new" girlfriend 12/12 (3rd OW)
Divorce final 06/13 (I decided to finish it)
Dumped OW#3 9/15 (After 4 years)
Married OW#1 2019
OW#1 filed for divorce from ExH 9/24

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L
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#4: June 04, 2014, 08:05:01 AM
Thank you- that all makes a lot of sense! He's playing knight and shining role to her kids too- ow h's left them and he swooped in right after! He doesn't have any responsibility with them, their not mad and angry around them... So he's really feeling like a great person!!!! CRAZY!!!!
I make sure my kids don't hear that he was seen at  her kids practices, batting cages.... It would break my kids heart since he no longer does that for his own kids!
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BD 4/13- found text on to ph to OW-told him to leave
Been living with OW and her kids after leaving his family
Bought a motorcycle and started drinking after 15 years
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#5: June 04, 2014, 03:05:19 PM
Hi!  I'm looking for info about mlcers dealing with the aging issue.  Can't seem to find much.  More details in my post on my thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5003.msg323752#new

Thanks!
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The very purpose of our life is happiness, which is sustained by hope. We have no guarantee about the future, but we exist in the hope of something better. Hope means keeping going, thinking, ‘I can do this.’ It brings inner strength, self-confidence, the ability to do what you do honestly, truthfully and transparently.  The Dalai Lama

nah

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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#6: June 04, 2014, 03:21:52 PM
About 18 months ago my FIL had a stroke and i think it was the final trigger that cause BD.  H started affair about 1 month after stroke, BD was April 2013. 

(My FIL abandoned the family when my H was in 5th grade.  He came back 3 years later and remarried my MIL.  My H and FIL had a very strained relationship).  My H is textbook MLC right down to the tattoos, motorcycle, dyed hair, singing in band, and young blonde with major issues.

This week FIL had another stroke and now is in Hospice, he is expected to pass away this week.  My question is - Does another big "jolt" like this sometimes cause the "fog to lift"?    I thought i read somewhere this sometimes happens.  Was it on this forum?

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5001.0

answered on your thread.
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« Last Edit: June 04, 2014, 04:54:16 PM by Anjae »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#7: June 06, 2014, 11:40:48 AM
H will be at our house in about three hours to pick up stuff.  He's being very distant and passive aggressive--just as he was this time last year when he was ramping up replay with ow.  Don't worry, I'll be friendly and no r talk, but it would help me if I had an idea why he is back to mean monster.  Guilt?  Fear?  Really enjoying his life now that he lives with ow and just really doesn't want to have anything to do with me?

No planks upside my head please.  I haven't seen him nearly a month so I'm starting to stress a bit.
Thanks!
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The very purpose of our life is happiness, which is sustained by hope. We have no guarantee about the future, but we exist in the hope of something better. Hope means keeping going, thinking, ‘I can do this.’ It brings inner strength, self-confidence, the ability to do what you do honestly, truthfully and transparently.  The Dalai Lama
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#8: June 06, 2014, 11:55:19 AM
Quote from: Madmax on June 06, 2014, 11:40:48 AM
H will be at our house in about three hours to pick up stuff.  He's being very distant and passive aggressive--just as he was this time last year when he was ramping up replay with ow.  Don't worry, I'll be friendly and no r talk, but it would help me if I had an idea why he is back to mean monster.  Guilt?  Fear?  Really enjoying his life now that he lives with ow and just really doesn't want to have anything to do with me?

No planks upside my head please.  I haven't seen him nearly a month so I'm starting to stress a bit.

I answered on your thread......
Thanks!
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#9: June 07, 2014, 05:04:04 PM
Just wanted an experienced thought on my thread from events that happened today.  It feels like a touch and go?  And how should I handle this?  My thought is to continue to leave him alone unless he contacts me and of course to try if there are future contacts to keep my lips zipped. 

I really have no expectations other than the thought that maybe he is actually doing some thinking about our relationship.

Any thoughts or advise would be very welcomed.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5049.0

answered on your thread.
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« Last Edit: June 07, 2014, 05:49:15 PM by Anjae »
BD Feb 2014
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