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Author Topic: Discussion  Ask a Mentor 8

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Discussion Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#40: September 08, 2014, 02:02:01 PM
Hi there. Could use some advise in preparation for a meeting with my H in 48 hours or so. Wants to come over to talk about "where he is at and our future".

How I might conduct myself, some things I should/should not do are appreciated. I fully expect he will be telling me that he is done, and there will not be any "our" future. Pretty sure he's going to ask for a divorce, and push to sell assets.

My plan is to just listen and agree to nothing regarding assets. Thoughts?

My story is here http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5439.0
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« Last Edit: September 08, 2014, 02:03:30 PM by Whispersofhope »
"and though she be but little, she is fierce" - Shakespeare
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#41: September 16, 2014, 02:05:02 PM
hi sorry updated my post earlier just feeling really down at moment and need to read what someone may think i am scared now that it has come to this.  i know finances needed sorted but it just seems so permanent and that there is no hope now of reconnection or getting back together as he has said this has to be permanent now that half of my lump sum settlement is not his and that  why do i feel awful about not talking to him now  :'(

he has been so awful then nice total cycling and playing with my feelings but then i think why does this man do this ?  :-[


Answered on your thread
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« Last Edit: September 16, 2014, 02:55:13 PM by Songanddance »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#42: September 28, 2014, 10:20:33 AM
For what reason would an MLCer be extremely calm almost at all times? My H has anger issues. Before MLC and for the first year or so of it he was Monsterish. But after that, each time my H said he wanted a separation or divorce, he was very calm in his speech and demeanor, even when discussing how assets would be divided, and was calm and "peaceful" when telling me he doesn't care if I see other people. No Monster, not even close to a nasty tone. It was as if he was speaking to a priest! And that tone has not changed when talking to me since he has moved in with OW for past few months. Even when I called her a wh*re and homewrecker, he was very calm and did not get angry, and said "That's not nice. I don't let anyone speak badly of you." And he left. I have not seen much information about calm MLCers. Any thoughts? Thanks.

answered on your thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5543.0
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« Last Edit: September 29, 2014, 03:26:54 PM by Anjae »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#43: September 29, 2014, 02:08:46 AM
Now the thing is I just feel like I need a holiday to get away from my surroundings may help with detachment even short term.
This is where I would like advise my W works for a travel company for which I can receive a great discount, so she will then know where and when. Is this a good thing? or should I just pay more and she knows nothing. Or should I ask for the booking number and not use it.
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5537.0

answered on your thread.
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« Last Edit: September 29, 2014, 03:34:20 PM by Anjae »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#44: October 04, 2014, 09:23:44 AM
Hoping to get some advice on my post from yesterday on my thread?? Thanks so much!

answered on your thread.
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« Last Edit: October 04, 2014, 04:30:39 PM by Anjae »
BD 4/13- found text on to ph to OW-told him to leave
Been living with OW and her kids after leaving his family
Bought a motorcycle and started drinking after 15 years
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#45: October 07, 2014, 08:10:34 AM
Can anyone tell me where to find info on Accommodators?  I remember reading it somewhere but now I can't find it.
Thank you!
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#46: October 07, 2014, 09:26:46 AM
Quote from: Thunder on October 07, 2014, 08:10:34 AM
Can anyone tell me where to find info on Accommodators?  I remember reading it somewhere but now I can't find it.
Thank you!

http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/midlife-crisis-and-infidelity/accommodater/

Is this it?
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We all do damage. Character is determined by how we repair it.


BD - December 2012
OW1 confirmed - December 2012 on-and-off for 34 months and counting (still refers to her as just a 'friend')
Wants to live like roommates - November 2013
I moved out - April 2015
H is still checking the anchor
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#47: October 07, 2014, 10:10:43 AM
Yes, thank you!  That is exactly what I was looking for!   :)
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#48: October 11, 2014, 11:34:58 PM
Hi mentors! I'm not sure whether this is the right place to ask, bit I was just notified by a fellow forum member thad I had linked my new thread incorrectly, and now my usual followers can't find me -- I miss them! :). I tried to unlock my old thread to change this, but it said it was locked by an administrator and wouldn't let me. Can anyone help me to put the right link in my old thread so that people can find my new one? I think the right link to my new thread is this: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5606.0   Thanks! Gimlan x
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« Last Edit: October 13, 2014, 07:38:53 PM by Anjae »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 8
#49: October 13, 2014, 07:43:09 PM
The link to your new treath your previous thread is fixed. At least I can see the new thread using the link I fixed yesterday (my time, it is already the 14th here).
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Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)
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