[Has your MLC'er filed for divorce?]

Has your MLC'er filed for divorce?

No, still living at home.

3 (7.5%)

No, but has threatened (living at home).

4 (10%)

No, but we are separated.

14 (35%)

Yes, paperwork is in process.

11 (27.5%)

We are divorced.

8 (20%)

Total Members Voted: 40

[OldPilot]

STILL from what I read here you will have 2 years after separation until you are legally divorced.
I am willing to bet if you cook him dinner in your house then you are not seprerated.

Check with a lawyer for a free coonsultation.

[Still]

STILL from what I read here you will have 2 years after separation until you are legally divorced.

OP,

Is that only if I "contest" the divorce, though?

So, basically, he would file......I would be sent the affidavit.....I either sign it, or refuse? If I refuse, everything stops for 2 years or until I sign.

I looked up the actual documents. In PA, I have 30 days to respond to the affidavit. I guess if my response is no.....the waiting period begins. Am I correct?

I find it very hard to believe a judge would grant a divorce to a man who is still eating most every meal at home, sleeping at home, going to church with the family, taking family vacations together, etc., etc.

[Trustandlove]

Still --

I agree with those that say that you should go see a few lawyers.  Especially if they don't charge for a consultation.  See the best you can find; one thing that I believe is true is that if you've been to see someone then your H can't use them....  Now that sounds adversarial, but put emotional things to one side just for this minute. 

They will be able to answer those questions in better detail; I know it's horrible but you do need to be informed. 

From what I read then you are right, if you refuse then the 2 year waiting period begins.  (and that may even be 2 years from when he moves out...)

XX

[Still]

I live in a very rural area.

I haven't been able to locate any lawyers with free consultations.

We only have about 7 in this county.

I just found out one of my online friends is paying $575 an hour for her attorney. Oh, I would be bankrupt in no time.

[OldPilot]

No-Fault Divorces in Pennsylvania

Mutual Consent - A mutual consent divorce will be granted where it is alleged that the marriage is irretrievably broken and 90 days have elapsed from the date of the commencement of an action and an affidavit has been filed by each of the parties evidencing that each party consents to the divorce.

Irretrievable breakdown- If the parties have been living separate and apart for a period of at least two years and the marriage is irretrievably broken and the defendant has either:

a) Does not deny the allegations as set forth in the affidavit.

or

b) Denies one or more of the allegations set forth in the affidavit but, after notice and hearing, the court determines that the parties have lived separate and apart for a period of at least two (2) years and that the marriage is irretrievably broken.

You have a non-contested divorce when both parties reach an agreement on property issues, child , support, alimony, retirement, and any other issue.

So from what I am reading to get a no-fault divorce YOU would have to lie on the affadavit and say your marriage was broken and beyond repair.

The lawyer that I spoke to on the phone (different state) did not charge me for talking to me for a few minutes.

Once I spoke to him my wife could not use the same lawyer.

I am guessing that you husband will struggle to talk to a lawyer and then once he does he will struggle to follow through with anything that HE must do. Just my best guess.

If your husband asks you, my suggestion is just to say that your lawyer is waiting to hear from his lawyer.
Put it all on HIM.

[LifeGoesOn]

We only have about 7 in this county.

Spend 5 minutes with each of them! lol

We can only tell you how we interpret the stuff. We are not attorneys in your state and do not know how all this is commonly interpreted in your courts. Once you talk to a few, you will have information. Knowledge is power. You can formulate a plan of response and set the issue aside until/if you need it.

Yes, attnys are expensive. Often times you can go with a big name firm but work with a newer attny. Prepare a 2 minute run down of your sitch, list your questions and call.

[LIVINSTRONG]

BD OCCURED IN DEC 09 HE LEFT 12/16 RETURNED SOMETIMES IN JAN 10 FOR COUPLE DAYS, HE WENT TO THE COURTHOUSE AND GOT DO IT YOURSELF DISSOLUTION PAPERS AND BROUGHT THEM TO ME AND TOLD ME TO FILL THEM OUT .... WE DISCUUSSED OUR AGREEMENT AND I TOLD HIM I WOULD TAKE CARE OF IT WHEN I WAS READY AND FELT UP TO IT .  HE LEFT AND DID NOT MENTION IT AGAIN FOR LONG TIME.
ONE TIME IN I THINK MAY WE HAD AN ARGUMENT AND HE SAID 'GET THE PAPERS READY' THEN I DIDN'T HEAR FROM HIM FOR LONG TIME

IN SEPT 10 HE CAME HOME AND SAID HE WANTED THE DIVORCE i ASKED IF HE WAS SURE HE SAID YES i SAID FINE AND LEFT THE PAPERS ON THE KITCHEN TABLE WITH # TO THE ATTORNEY TOLD HIM HE COULD HANDLE IT.... HE ACTUALLY HAD THE NERVE TO ASK ME TO SPLIT THE COST ....LOL.....NO WAY THIS WAS YOUR IDEA

AS OF THIS DATE I HAVE NOT RECEIVED ANY PAPERS NOR HAS IT BEEN MENTIONED AGAIN AND HE HAS NOT SPOKEN TO ME SINCE SEPT 25TH

 

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Since BD, have seen your h growing close or showing signs of reconnection or have you seen him being cold from the beginning and no change?

In my situation, she started getting colder and colder; angry outbursts....now she talks more, makes eye contact, and responds to everyday activities.

I just am concerned because still has been at this for two years and now wants divorce. Is this the norm? It seems he has drug this out for a long time and I am worried that I am going to put years of effort and still have nothing but that piece of paper in my hand to show for my efforts.

[Dontgiveup]

Just a few more thoughts from Dontgiveup.....

I do think that women in MLC tend to actually go through with a divorce quicker than men.  I have no proof, just my observations.  Remember also that women on average tend to move through MLC quicker than men.  I have seen statistics that women file about 2/3 of all divorces.  That says to me that it's not unusual for a woman, especially in MLC, to file quicker than a man.  It may also indicate that the more time that goes by, the less likely the wife is to file.  The husband filing a year or two into his MLC may offer further insight that men do take longer on average to deal with MLC.

Let me offer everyone some encouragement from someone who is divorced.  I did not, and do not, want to be divorced.  In our divorce there were no attorneys involved.  She took care of all the paperwork and we still commonly own some things together.  She has been in consistent communication with me and has told me we will always be friends.  The advice I received was basically just do what she says, but make her do the work.

I do not really feel divorced.  Only time will tell if it's denial on my part.  However, I think it's that I ultimately believe in who my ex-wife really is, and I believe that MLC is a process.  One of the hardest parts about being the LBS is staying strong, but it's a must.

[Still]

I just am concerned because Still has been at this for two years and now wants divorce.

Ready,

I sent you somewhat of a timeline to your PM. I didn't save it, but if you want to post it on here, go ahead.

Honestly, I am not sure why my H is suddenly so adamant that we MUST divorce....unless it is coming out of withdrawal and facing issues. Who knows?

I am sure I won't until he has fully completed his MLC.