[justasking]

Glimmer

Marleys ghost is such a great idea. Do you think he would get round all the MLCers before Christmas morning? I suppose he could as  Father Christmas (Santa Claus) manages to take all children presents on Christmas Eve....... 

A dose of Christmas past, present and future would be the best Christmas present we could give our H/W.

xx

[hyperglad]

Ha I have just bought a Christmas Carol 3 D ...maybe I should sit H in front with the glasses on and see what effect it has LOL

[justasking]

Hyper

3D is good as it will draw them in to a fantasy land they may recognise 

Off to see if I can find one......... 

xx

[hampc0cv]

Glimmer,

I do not have any advice on whether to invite your H or not.

This is my first Christmas without him and NC on his part.  I am not saying I contact him but just this week texted him but didn't follow thru on calling him to talk.  He never called back either.

My husband also always loved getting up Christmas morning, putting on the coffee, helping start the cinnamon rolls.  Then he would get the camera ready to take pictures when our girls (even tho they are adults) and the grandkids would come into the room and see the gifts under the tree and the looks on their faces would make him smile.

He is a big kid also because he loves getting gifts.  Now he is living with ow and she has no kids at home so he will be getting up without kids and family.  He will be with her and getting the gifts she got him and she will be getting gifts he got her.  (That kills me)

I just wonder what he will get her because he would always wait to the last minute to go shopping.  Sometimes he would take me shopping and have me pick out stuff I wanted but I really didn't like doing that.  I always liked being surprised like he did.

This is a sad time for me and I hope to get thru it.

As far as your H suffering thru Christmas,  I hope mine does also.  They don't deserve to be with the family and think everything is okay.  I think they need to feel the hurt during this hugh family occassion and feel what it is like to be alone and without their families.

[Glimmer]

I agree about the present buying. My H never did much in the 20yrs we were together. For the first time last year I made him buy for 'his' family and I did mine plus all the kids.  This resulted in him buying 7 book tokens on Christmas Eve, and then him boasting about how little time it took. (not to mention how little thought went into it).

He has mentioned today, that he may start stome Christmas shopping tomorrow, as we won't be seeing him at all on Sunday because he has plans.  So your guess is as good as mine who he will be buying for.  That is something I don't want to think about, the something special he may buy for her.

[Glimmer]

Well, my M-in-L phoned last night to ask me what H was doing for Christmas Day, and was I inviting him here.   I told her I didn't know what his plans were, but the way I felt at the moment I wouldn't be asking him to join us for Christmas dinner. She sounded quite put out, and talked about rearranging her Christmas day to accommodate him. She tried this last year and in the end I relented and he he came to us.  She then said she needed to talk to him quickly, to let him know that I wasn't inviting him.  I told her I would prefer him to sweat for a while without saying anything, but I don't think she was listening at this point.

I did feel bad telling her this, but I can't keep sugar coating it to spare their feelings all the time, after all it is their son who has caused this mess.

I explained that the girls and I had discussed this. They both, as would I, love him to be here with us, but, and I can't believe our youngest D14 said this, they are prepared to spend Christmas day without him, and hopefully let him see what he will miss out on every year if he carries on the way he is.  They both said they want to do anything to 'make him better' (bless them) and if that is what it takes, then it is worth it.

Also, they said that they are now getting used to him not living here, and they quite like it. So it seems to me if he doesn't buck his ideas up soon, then they will get to the point where they are not bothered if he comes back or not. Something else for him to ponder, I think.

I just want us to have the Christmas we want, and do stuff when we want to do it and not wait for him to turn up and take charge of the situation as he does at present. 

A lesson he needs to learn I think is that  it is NOT all about him.

[Food Gal]

Not that my opinion is the only one regarding a x-mas invite...my thinking is that you don't invite him so he can see what he will be missing.  Not that it will change the situation...but I don't believe it could hurt.  Of course you will have to make the decision that you will be comfortable living with. My partner is now living with OW so no invite or presents on my part.  As I'm sure I'm not receiving anything from her either.  Just my two-cents worth.

[Shantilly Lace]

I didn't invite him he just informed me how it was going to be.  LOL
I wasn't worried as it made the girls happy and the mean side of me went "Ha take that ow"

[OliveOyl]

I wouldn't invite.  At this point I think our H's took themselves out of our life and the life of our children.  If he wants to spend anytime, he needs to respectfully ask if he can be part of a family tradition he has removed himself from.

Really, H's are the scrooge, why would one feel bad?  H's bring with them a dark cloud, let them enjoy sharing their dark cloud with their special someone, and not rain on your wonderful day!

[rememberer]

Hi all,
Just putting in my 2 cent worth.

I would not invite H, either. This was his choice and his consequences. Also, if they do not end up coming back eventually then it is better that we learn to live without them as soon as possible, by either going on with 'normal' Christmas traditions or developing new ones.

They are not children even though they act like them right now. They will muddle through, and find someone to feed them or take them in. We are all still too compassionate and worry about them-Look out for yourself is the name of the game now.

I however have a question: Do you still buy a gift or token gift for your kids to send along for H?
It feels so weird, buying gifts for everyone else, and not him. However, it really isn't in my heart to do so-yes, thank-you so much for abandoning me, your kids and your family, thank-you for all the pain, humiliation and just plain cruelty and then hand him a present"Merry Christmas!"

I just wonder whether a small token gift will at least send the message that perhaps we can remain on a friendly basis for the future at least for the sake of our kids?

Any ideas about that?