[Beach1]

WOW.  Thanks for the insight. 

[Searching4Answers]

I always have troubles understanding why the MLCer, who inflicts so much pain upon others runs when they see the pain they have inflicted. Does the MCLer truly thinks their actions will not have consequences? That their spouses, children, friends would not be hurt?

It is like the MLCer wants to do whatever they want to do and nothing/no one should be in pain because of it.

This is exactly what the MLCer thinks! My H thinks that I should not be hurt because he is following his path - I have told him that it is not the journey that causes me pain it is the choices he has made. There are right and wrong ways of doing things but he is only concerned with his wants/needs - his way!

[Songanddance]

Quote from: Anjae on Today at 00:16:54

I always have troubles understanding why the MLCer, who inflicts so much pain upon others runs when they see the pain they have inflicted. Does the MCLer truly thinks their actions will not have consequences? That their spouses, children, friends would not be hurt?

It is like the MLCer wants to do whatever they want to do and nothing/no one should be in pain because of it.




This is exactly what the MLCer thinks! My H thinks that I should not be hurt because he is following his path - I have told him that it is not the journey that causes me pain it is the choices he has made. There are right and wrong ways of doing things but he is only concerned with his wants/needs - his way!

Depression is an ugly thing and my D24 made something very clear to me about her depression (which she has had since 16 - she ran away from home from then until about 18/19 and got involved in alcohol, drugs etc...). She told me:-
When you are depressed you run. You never want to be where you are. You want to be somewhere else and when you get there you want to be somewhere else again.
You know that others are hurting by your actions and feel utterly worthless that you have caused that pain but, because you believe in your low self esteemed state, they think of you as worthless, you don't understand why they would get so upset. The skills of empathy for others gets warped or in some cases non existent as it easier to pretend that the hurt is their problem.

When you are depressed you think very badly of yourself and you know that your feelings are wrong but they are there and you don't know or choose not to know how to address them in a logical, empathic way.

I would hate to generalise about MLCers; depression hits them all differently. Nevertheless I think that some know they have hurt others and feel tremendous guilt which makes them run even more and some choose not to know or feel such low self worth that they behave in such a narcisstic and extreme way as an attempt to show high self worth in the hope of fooling everyone. It's as if that behaviour has to be their oxygen mask - a warped form of survival.

[LisaLives]

S&D you reminded me of a movie... Have you all seen Life as a House.  I saw it when it came out.  Little did I know it might foreshadow my life, but Kevin Kline plays a man whose wife probably had an MLC, but probably while he was having an MLT, which caused him to go into a full-blown dysthemic state and check out of life (It's what I wanted to avoid in my life!).  Their teenage son is now into drugs and even prostitution and being an all around s@#$.  I won't tell you the whole story, but at one point, he asks his son WHY, and he says "because I like how it feels not to feel." 

And I think that about sums it up.  If you can't find it within yourself to feel good, and your only alternative is to feel bad, which is what you feel about yourself, then you will do anything not to FEEL at all.  That's call depression, anger turned inward, and it's what you have when you feel worthless, inside.  I wish that for no one.  Love and light, ll

[serenity]

Hi S & D,

Part of what you wrote really resonated with me about a depressed person not wanting to be where they are.

My H actually said to me that when he's home - he wants to be out and when he's out - he wants to be home. So that validates what your D was saying - thank you

X

[CallanG]

Great post S&D . Depression is a horrible thing and I would not wish it on anyone . I was talking to a friend yesterday who I think has had low grade depression for many years . She is struggling at the moment , she knows that she is not easy to live with , she hates feeling like she does and she is trying to feel better but it not easy , she is very down on herself and can not see the point to life at the moment .

Callan

[Songanddance]

I think what is also extremely important for all LBSers to realise is that we are plunged into this dark world too.

For most of us it is reactive depression and that can last from a few weeks to a year. It's part of the grieving process.

For some of us, whilst it is a form of depression that does not plunge us into the same abyss as the MLCers,  it is real and our instincts are to keep running too, to keep wishing for, to keep thinking negative self defeating thoughts. There are a few LBSers on here who I personally think are suffering from depression but don't want to admit it as they see it as a failure of their ability to deal with MLC.

I occasionally have difficulty doing things, concentrating for periods of time, even reading was a challenge, letting thoughts go, getting up and facing the morning, wishing the day would be over so that I can hide in bed.... I was diagnosed with reactive depression by my GP and thank God for my T as she gave me strategies to deal with this.

I think if we are all totally honest - we all recognise depression in ourselves and the feelings that accompany it as we have all experienced them. The challenge is that MLCers depression is very deep and very despairing and this is what is so soul destroying for the LBSer

[Dagolark]

Depression is an ugly thing and my D24 made something very clear to me about her depression (which she has had since 16 - she ran away from home from then until about 18/19 and got involved in alcohol, drugs etc...). She told me:-
When you are depressed you run. You never want to be where you are. You want to be somewhere else and when you get there you want to be somewhere else again.
You know that others are hurting by your actions and feel utterly worthless that you have caused that pain but, because you believe in your low self esteemed state, they think of you as worthless, you don't understand why they would get so upset. The skills of empathy for others gets warped or in some cases non existent as it easier to pretend that the hurt is their problem.

When you are depressed you think very badly of yourself and you know that your feelings are wrong but they are there and you don't know or choose not to know how to address them in a logical, empathic way.

This is very interesting. Thank you so much for sharing!

[CallanG]

S&D

I agree that some people may be afraid to admit it , I am very open when I am talking to people and admit that I am still on medication for depression .

When I was talking to my friend she said , I feel bad talking to you and moaning because you are depressed as well . I said to her that the difference is that I know why I am depressed . I was not depressed before this . I can pinpoint why I feel like this and for me that makes it more manageable . If I had not idea why I was depressed I would really struggle . She sobbed and said that she hates the way she is , she either feels nothing or is hyper sensitive and thinks that people dislike her .

Callan

[bipolared]

I occasionally have difficulty doing things, concentrating for periods of time, even reading was a challenge, letting thoughts go,

This made me crazy.  I have finally finished a few books other than self-help ones lately so maybe I am approaching some semblance of normal.  But there would be all these things that I wanted to do to pass the time, occupy my thoughts and GAL but I couldn't muster the concentration to do so! 
I also think it would really help(and this goes back to the futile hope that people will get what we are going through) if we could be told it's ok to be depressed;   that we should what we need to to work though it, as opposed to being expected to be over it after a few weeks b/c they are such jerks.
Thanks for both posts on depression S&D, very insightful.