[osb]

Alexythymia - what a great word, loss of the ability to read mood. Fascinating. I have heard of this condition being associated with depressed states (along with anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure). It's also a component of some personality disorders. Perhaps not a primary personality defect (since it shows up in unrelated major disorders, and seems to be reversible in some), but so chilling when it shows up so suddenly.

FWIW my MIL has always had trouble understanding other peoples' emotions (I've thought of her as kind of 'emotionally autistic', but that's not accurate, as she's certainly able to project her own negative emotions onto the world around her!). Alexythymia makes perfect sense. She also has serious Cluster B personality traits (I'd place her well along the narcissistic PD scale), and a hoarder (in lieu of human emotional connections, she connects strongly to possessions and objects). When my H was small, he remembers being scolded by a teacher that he had no concept of empathy - likely because he never saw it at home - but by the time I met him in university, H had taught himself how to understand emotion, and was quite a sensitive creature. Come MLC, he abruptly lost his ability to empathize; at BD, H had no emotions at all except the nasty ones he projected onto me (I thought he had suddenly turned into his mother! Eeek!!!). But as H's MLC ended, his ability to read emotion (and respond appropriately to it) has largely returned.

I keep reading about the eyes getting darker. My husband has pretty dark eyes to begin with so I am not sure I could ascertain this. ... I have read anecdotal stuff about certain mental illnesses being associated with a change in eye color, but couldn't find anything definite.

An enlarged pupil ('fight-or-flight' response, angry MLCers seem to be awash in pointless adrenaline) could look like a darkened eye. There's also the bags under the eyes from not sleeping, and the weight loss. For several months my H looked like a death's head on a stick, and his eyes like burning coals at the bottom of a pit.

I don't think a discussion of these symptoms distracts from the thread focus on neurotransmitters and brain biochemistry, because the former is a physical or tangible sign of the latter, which we have to guess at (or research). We just have to distinguish what is primary from what is secondary.

(Edit: Anjae, may I have leeway to mingle symptoms with hard science? fwiw I am a doc, have diagnosed mood disorders, and study neurotransmitters in the lab... but on this board, I'm as utterly confused as anyone)

[Velika]

Anjae, you have been on this board for many years but for some of us this is new and we are just trying to share our thoughts and observations as they relate to neurobiology.

If this is something that others don't wish to hear about over and over again they don't need to read this thread.

I don't mind hearing about C4E's observations of her husband's behavior here as they relate specifically to this topic. In fact, I am learning a lot!

I know your hypothesis is depression but there is still ever changing research into what depression is and how it manifests.

[Not Applicable]

"Brain research" is part of the subject.

I get no benefit from discussing my husband on my own thread. My own thread was forced on me by a moderator. I came here to discuss specific issues, and in particular this thread on brain stuff, not to discuss myself, but I am using my case and that of others as examples to elucidate what we are discussing.

It is a waste of my time to discuss myself as a topic in and of itself.

There was a great article that someone posted as its own thread recently and it really was something that should have generated good discussion around the topic of the article. But a moderator moved the article to an article thread and then I got slapped down by a moderator for actually trying to discuss the article.

Why does this forum have to only be personal threads? Why can't we discuss common topics and try to correlate them to specific examples? I'm sorry, but that is the only way to systemically analyze MLC and LEARN. Not a bunch of individual stories. I don't learn much about the mechanisms and symptoms of MLC by reading the intricacies of someone's divorce process buried along with their ranting against the OW. I understand that serves some people's needs but I think an alternative approach also helps to get a bigger picture and one that is more factually based than support based.

[osb]

C4E and Velika, I agree (posted above, same time as you both). There's a connection between the physical manifestations of a disease (under which you're posting your observations), and the biochemical basis for those observations. Just for myself, I felt less emotionally roiled up when I could try to pin what I was observing in my H to its underlying biology (so I felt less personally affronted, and more 'thinky').

[Not Applicable]

I find that what HB and RCR have written actually correlates quite closely with some aspects of alexithymia, even though they don't use clinical terms for it. For instance, one primary aspect of it is something called "externally oriented thinking" and if you read this article, it actually does a quite good job of describing it, without calling it such:
https://thestagesandlessonsofmidlife.org/mid-life-crisis-spouses-use-projection/

[Not Applicable]

OSB-I read through all your posts and I found them very useful and inspirational. There are A LOT of similarities between your husband's MLC and my husband's and so it was great to see you had a good outcome.

There has been some but not much research into the biological basis of alexithymia. I haven't read much about that yet though.

[Anjae]

Anjae, you have been on this board for many years but for some of us this is new and we are just trying to share our thoughts and observations as they relate to neurobiology.

Velika, you yourself said you find it on others threads. Therefore, others had noticed it.

Yes, I have been around for a while. But before I start to participate, I read the articles. Then I read the archives. A thing I think many of you do not.

You can find lots of info on the archives as well as on the many discussion threads on the board. Taking some time to read them may be a good idea.

If this is something that others don't wish to hear about over and over again they don't need to read this thread.

The thing is, this thread is for a specific thing. Not for sharing personal stories, not for childhood issues. And it is a thread started by those of us who were into neuroscience. So, it makes sense we want to read the thread. But it is in fact a little strange to keep reading, and seeing questions, that have been written in previous threads. This is thread number 3.

There are also other types of threads with info on the Archives and main boards. Reading them is a good idea.

My hypothesis is actually stress. Extreme stress/burnout. That leads to depression.

...depression but there is still ever changing research into what depression is and how it manifests.

True. And I am well aware of it. But the same applies to every other condition debated on this and other threads. Yet, every time something new comes up, it seems people think it is the thing and that it a sure thing. Depression is better known and has been quite researched, yet one keeps finding new things about it. Imagine how little is still really known on the less common and less researched things.

Everyone is trying to find a cause, but no one has the brain scans or the blood tests. So, it is all a bit in the air. Other than we know MLCers are stressed and depressed.

And, of course, so far, none of us has managed to find a way of solving the matter.

Changing, you are no different than any other HS member. We cannot all come to this threads and discuss our spouses. That is not what this threads are for. I merged your threads. Everyone here has a personal story thread.

You have been sharing a lot about your husband on other people threads. Stick to your thread. How many more times do I have to ask you the same? Several of the particular issues you have been discussing and posting about on other people's threads and discussion threads are the same issues everyone else discusses on their threads.

You are being disrespectful of my self, Old Pilot (the other person with tech duties) and the other HS members. Old Pilot and I have to keep looking for your posts and decide if we have to split and merge them into your own thread.

I doubt any moderator had told you not to discuss the article on a discussion thread. As for articles being moved, we have a thread for articles and their discussion. I am sorry if the way we do things upsets you, but that is how we do things. And we need to do so in order for HS to function.

This forum has many non personal threads. All the threads with the icons: discussion, green monster, blue mirror, pink heart, off topic are not personal stories threads. And we have lots of them on the main board. Too many, in fact. To the point where people's story threads are being lost and not noticed.

We also have an archive full of non story threads: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?board=23.0

There is also the Recourses board, with lots of info on a number of issues: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?board=34.0

Changing, you do not get to decide how the tech part of the board and its organisation is done. Only RCR can do that. So, I will ask you once more to please tell your story on you own thread. Thank you.

[Velika]

I am feeling tempted to start another website/discussion group just to discuss neurology and MLC.

A person can only read so many threads and archives. Yes I have seen the eye, the stiff walk, on other threads but I can't remember which ones.

I have read all of the neurology threads I believe. Many of them devolve into discussions like this.

If anyone is interested in a free-for-all, no holds barred, speculative, example based, discussion on this topic I would love to have either on this forum or elsewhere.

[Anjae]

A person can only read so many threads and archives.

And yet, I have to pretty much have an idea of all types of threads we have. Which means several years of threads.

Here you go, Velika, a thread on dead/shark eyes http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3630.0 and this one was on the Community board. All it took was to select the green monster icon.

You guys need to learn how to select and use the icons. Especially the main board ones, because you keep coming up with issues that already exist on discussion threads.

I think we already have some sort of a thread for neurology and MLC. I will see if we do.

[Anjae]

bump.

Now I will merge posts from the other thread here, so that everyone will be able to discuss this matter. The other thread will be for what it is titled: Biochemistry, Neurotransmitters, and Brain Research.