[UnconditionalLove]

My H is in an EA which may have turned PA.  This has been going on for 9 months now or so. I know it's going on, I have cell phone records, he's come up missing and even just as of this last 2 weeks as been missing. He's back but never, ever will he admit he's in any kind of affair. So, I have nothing to go on about this relationship other than bits I already knew. I do know she's has a illness she is glued to my H about and H is glued to helping her and being her Knight. Also, they are doing a research paper together which is how this relationship started.  Once the EA started he wanted out of marriage like now. He was in full replay and nothing was going to slow him down. He's still trying to get this divorce done fast but so far we haven't gotten his way but in his mind he's gone.  Ring is now off and wedding necklace/cross is now off that he has worn for 31 years.  I think some of that is being aggressive towards me.  OW is in another state far away so their relationship is seen by me. I know he's on the phone and texting with her but he doesn't do it in front of me. He'll take a walk or leave.

He never tells me anything but then again I don't know anything about him emotionally about anything. That is really one of his issues. Will not communicate he's emotions.  This relationship is a drug to him. That I do know and I believe he truly does believe he's in love. He has never done anything like this before MLC and he's so ready to move on and leave past behind.  That is why my mind sometimes wants to wander into the...Yep, he's having a grand ole time, loving his life, loving his EA and there is no turning back for him. However, I do see that it full of distrust, dysfunctionally built and the whole opposites attract not happening and they are quite alike.  I think at some point if not already she is going to get really controlling with him.  But I don't know if my H will ever leave. It took him 30 years to leave this so called controlling lady. LOL!

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5632.0

[Darth Obo]

I said, "You know what, you might be destroying me financially, absolutely obliterated me emotionally, but you haven't killed me.  In a few years after I've rebuilt my life, I'll be better than ever and happier than ever.  You'll be lonely and just as miserable as you are now."

For the first time since BD #2 in May, she started to cry.  I saw some shame and sadness in her eyes for once instead of anger, and she replied, "You're probably right, and I'll be happy for you".  Then I just walked away. I haven't said much to her since.  She will come home from work and rant to me about how she hates her job, etc.  I just listen and try to understand.  Then she leaves not long afterwards for the bar and OM.  I wonder if she rants about work to her OM?  I doubt it, she probably rants about me only.

Last weekend, my S was on a trip with his friend.  When he got back on Saturday, he kept trying to call and text his mom.  Then he came crying to me because she turned the phone off on him.  He knows that when it goes straight to voice mail it is off -  it was going to VM on the previous calls.  He asked me why she did that and won't even text him back.  I lied and said I don't know, her phone battery probably died.  Oddly enough, that is the excuse she gave him when she got home eventually.  Her lies worked when he was 6.  Now that he turned 11, they don't work so well anymore.

TB, I said something very similar to mine once I was done and we laid out our separation agreement. Basically told her I'm sorry she couldn't appreciate what she had and it hurts, but I am working on me now and I know I will be just fine....hope she figures herself out and has no regrets because she is on her own path without me! She teared up as well and said she wants me to be happy and she knows she is going to regret everything! Funny how they "know" that but still keep on keepin' on......morons!

You would be surprised just how observant and aware kids are at that age. My D11 could see how the X was treating me and not only asked me why, but made it a point to hug me more often and tell me she loved me. D11 and I have gotten a lot closer during all this; she even busted the X out one night during dinner....."everyone knows YOU'RE the problem and unhappy around here....why don't you leave us all alone!" What could I say...I just looked at X and shrugged my shoulders!

As far as the topic of this discussion, I know mine isn't happy and none of the EA / relationships she tried before and after we split has really panned out. She is hitting the wall! Got blindsided listening to an "oh woe is me" rant from her recently........Her boyfriend right after I moved out basically dumped her; his career is his focus and he can't afford to let anyone get close to him (he is Army Spec Ops).....she's been on approx 15 dates through Tinder; "everyone" lies on there profile and none of them will call her back! I just sat and listened and when she was done I just said "sorry things aren't working out for you.....well, gotta run" and got in my car and left!

The grass isn't greener on the other side.....in fact, it seems to be $h!te brown!


Obo

[MeNow]

Sounds like a happy ending to me.

[Thunder]

Obo and twiceburnt,

The sad thing is once you get yourselves together and really get on with your new lives they'll probably want you back.   

[terrified_in_TN]

I said, "You know what, you might be destroying me financially, absolutely obliterated me emotionally, but you haven't killed me.  In a few years after I've rebuilt my life, I'll be better than ever and happier than ever.  You'll be lonely and just as miserable as you are now."

For the first time since BD #2 in May, she started to cry.  I saw some shame and sadness in her eyes for once instead of anger, and she replied, "You're probably right, and I'll be happy for you".

  Jaw drop!  I swear that is the sickest thing I think I have read...How in the WORLD do you KNOW what you are losing, and AGREE that your spouse is right, yet continue down the destructive path anyway?  HOW???

MLC=CRAZY

-Terrified

[Darth Obo]

Obo and twiceburnt,

The sad thing is once you get yourselves together and really get on with your new lives they'll probably want you back.   

Thunder, you are probably right, and I will have two words for her at that time: "tough" and "$h!te".....in that order!


Obo

[twiceburnt]

I said, "You know what, you might be destroying me financially, absolutely obliterated me emotionally, but you haven't killed me.  In a few years after I've rebuilt my life, I'll be better than ever and happier than ever.  You'll be lonely and just as miserable as you are now."

For the first time since BD #2 in May, she started to cry.  I saw some shame and sadness in her eyes for once instead of anger, and she replied, "You're probably right, and I'll be happy for you".

  Jaw drop!  I swear that is the sickest thing I think I have read...How in the WORLD do you KNOW what you are losing, and AGREE that your spouse is right, yet continue down the destructive path anyway?  HOW???

MLC=CRAZY

-Terrified

Well, she did say "probably right", so she didn't completely agree.     Maybe it was just her way to put an end to our discussion.  She said some other crap before that like "I'm not doing this to hurt you."  Just dumb stuff to justify what she's doing and to hide the guilt. 

[toysaplenty]

So I got BD mid April 2013. I had to deal with escape and avoid from mid April to early June 2013. Our wedding anniversary was June 10th. The weekend before, he went away for the weekend with his OW. That Sunday night, the night before our anniversary, he comes back from his weekend getaway and shows up at our house and starts an argument. He ends up breaking my nose. It's funny, in a non-romantic way, I got to spend my wedding anniversary with him. That next day was our anniversary and he was in a prison uniform and shackles and I was in the courtroom with my nose bandaged. Best anniversary EVER!, lol You have all heard this story a thousand times from me. I'm getting to my point here shortly. I immediately got a restraining order. So, he was forced to be a vanisher, I will never know if he was a clinging boomerang or not. So, I pretty much have had peace and quiet, and never had to see him again, since that day, other than when we had to go to court. So I got less than 2 months of monstering total. Is he monstering at the OW? His family? People at work? I have no way of knowing. Somebody's getting it. He is so early on in this, he must be having issues and depression? He married the OW last weekend. I wonder when the mask comes off and she gets the brunt of his issues? Seriously, I am getting nothing from him because I have a 5 year restraining order. So with him, in such a horrible crisis, the OW at some point is going to have to deal with all of his issues. It is inevitable, right? I mean, she's the wife now. I'm outta the picture, man. If he is still miserable, won't he blame his spouse at some point? Isn't his new spouse supposed to make everything all better and rosy? Or now that he is rid of me, life is a bowl of cherries for him? This OW, she is a demanding b!tc# who sees no ones point of view but her own. I've done my research on her, and she thinks the world revolves around her.  Isn't that attitude a breeding ground for fighting? I read all these forums and all the RCR articles and I just can't help but wonder, who is he lashing out at now? Who is he blaming? Crisis can take 2-7 years on average. I got less than 2 months of it. Who is going to get the remainder? I really hope the OW gets it in full force. She wanted him so bad, tells everyone he is her dream come true. Ha! Better watch out what you wish for....

[Kat0465]

Oj,
When he said that I about choked on my coffee!! It's true tho. Only when the thrill wears off is when they have major doubts,and think " ohh sh*t, I'm screwed"

Or the one I like,is when he shows someone a pic of OW,and they are either speechless,or say WTF,are you joking?!!!!

Alll kidding aside,it does suck that they take everything away when they go,they ruin us financially, and them too. But there too wrapped up in thier insanity to give a $h!te.

And the abandoning the kids is a mystery,although mine are grown. It still hurts them like hell to see there daddy dissappeared.and this alien walking around in his body 

[Medusa]

I said, "You know what, you might be destroying me financially, absolutely obliterated me emotionally, but you haven't killed me.  In a few years after I've rebuilt my life, I'll be better than ever and happier than ever.  You'll be lonely and just as miserable as you are now."

For the first time since BD #2 in May, she started to cry.  I saw some shame and sadness in her eyes for once instead of anger, and she replied, "You're probably right, and I'll be happy for you".

  Jaw drop!  I swear that is the sickest thing I think I have read...How in the WORLD do you KNOW what you are losing, and AGREE that your spouse is right, yet continue down the destructive path anyway?  HOW???

MLC=CRAZY

-Terrified

TiT, is to doesn't seem to be that uncommon for them to know and admit to basically throwing us away. Mine has said on various occasions at I deserve better, that he hasn't been a very good husband, etc., etc. You have to look at it as them showing their guilt and believing that they deserve something lesser than us. And that makes sense: as they are working through whatever their issues are, they need their "drug" and it has to be something that helps them crash to their bottom. I don't think they could do this if they had a OP who had morals and refused to be with a married person. As I said earlier in is thread, I believe the OP is a reflection of what the MLCer thinks of him/herself. It's called affair down for a reason.

They really can't seem to help what their doing. I was fortunate enough to have one that is very self-reflective. He truly wanted to stop. Truly. He tried as much as he could, but he just couldn't stop it. I am convinced, now, that he had to become as cruel as he was to me in order to force me to ask him to move out. He wanted to do it but couldn't pull the trigger. He was stuc, in his tunnel for a long time, just as I was stuck in my hurt and obsession. Regardless, they cannot seem to stop themselves until they totally crash and hit bottom because they have to deal with their demons. Another reason we just have to look to ourselves and.

I've said to many people many times, you can't look at anything connected to MLC with logic because there is no logic.